A narcissistic person may gaslight you in different ways. For example, they might repeatedly try to convince you of something that you know isn’t true. Or they might hurt your feelings, only to later deny that they ever said anything hurtful at all. When gaslighting happens over and over again, it can make you feel like you’re going crazy and severely harms your mental health. Narcissistic gaslighting can occur in many types of relationships: family members, romantic partners, friends, teachers, coworkers, bosses, and people in positions of power. Narcissistic gaslighting is common among people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). People with this disorder have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior. They need to feel superior to others, and they may use gaslighting and other manipulative behaviors to control and humiliate others. [2] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
A gaslighter may also lie about something you said or did. For example, a boss may call you lazy, even though you’re highly productive and putting in overtime.
They could also suddenly change their behavior—like flipping a switch—and become overly apologetic. This could leave you feeling confused about their true feelings, and wondering if maybe you shouldn’t have gotten upset in the first place.
Feeling isolated makes it hard to think clearly, since the only perspective available to you is that of the person gaslighting you. They constantly cancel plans or fail to show up or follow through. When confronted about this, they manipulate the scenario to make the other person feel they’re not perceiving the situation accurately.
On the flipside, they might be extremely critical of you. They might call you messy when you’re actually fairly organized. Or might they accuse you of eating their food when you did no such thing.
Rules and boundaries can apply to emotions too. Putting their feelings before yours, or not letting you speak or express your opinions are all examples of crossing boundaries.
Many institutions like schools, universities, and large businesses have strong policies prohibiting bullying and abuse. Reach out to your institution’s HR representative to report the mistreatment, if you feel able to do so.
Couples counseling can help romantic partners address challenges in their relationship. Unfortunately, it’s not considered effective for preventing gaslighting. [10] X Research source
Again, if you need to talk to someone, confide in someone you trust. Make sure it’s someone who isn’t close to the person who’s gaslighting you, or who is aware of the situation but unlikely to be manipulated.
Save emails and text messages that evidence abusive behavior. Keep notes of conversations with dates and times. The more detailed, the better. Journaling is a good strategy for any type of gaslighting relationship. Writing down your experiences and revisiting them when you’re feeling more emotionally calm is the best way to make a sound judgment on the situation.
If a narcissistic gaslighter is being kind or helpful to you, it’s best to step back and ask yourself, “What’s their motive? What do they really want?” If they’re being critical, ask yourself, “Is this really a fair assessment? And even if it is, what’s their motive for sharing it?”
Familiarize yourself with the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the formal definition of gaslighting. While you can’t actually diagnose someone with this information (that’s a doctor’s job), you can at least learn what to look out for.
