You might need to set boundaries about lending your parents money, coming over to your house without asking, or even how often they spend time with your children.

“I wanted to talk to you both about coming by the house. If you’re going to come over, I need you to call or text me at least an hour ahead of time. That way, I can let you know if we’re free or not. ” “I love you both, but I’m not going to be able to lend you money anymore. Jerry and I want to start a family, so we need to start saving up. ”

You can still be compassionate while being assertive. Remind your parents that you love them, and that you’re only doing what’s best for you and your relationship. [8] X Expert Source Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETSClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 February 2022. You might follow up your boundaries with something like, “This doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I want our relationship to change. I’m just doing what’s best for us as a couple now that we’re married. ”

For instance, your parents might ask, “So does this mean you don’t ever want us to stop by?” You might say, “No, that’s not what I said. I just want you to call or text me ahead of time so I know you’re coming. ”

This is especially important if your parents are trying to get a rise out of you.

If you’re struggling with guilt, repeat things to yourself like, “It’s okay to set boundaries,” “You did a good job setting that boundary, even though it was uncomfortable,” or, “Just because you feel guilty doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. ”[13] X Expert Source Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETSClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 February 2022.

For instance, if your mom shows up on your doorstep without calling first, you might say, “No, you can’t come in. I’m super busy right now. If you had called, I could have told you that and saved you a trip. ”

Say something like, “That’s my wife you’re talking about, and I won’t have you talking badly about her when she’s not around. If there’s an issue, we can all sit down and talk about it like adults. ”

If they don’t respect your boundaries, you may need to sit down with them for another talk. Tell them that their lack of respect is affecting your relationship. [17] X Expert Source Adam Dorsay, PsyDLicensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.

Sometimes family counseling can be helpful as well, but it’s usually tough to get parents to agree to that.