Newsmakers

A little bit. But I don’t want to talk about it. Otherwise, I’m going to talk about my weight every single day for the rest of my life.

I was aware of a couple of her stories. I read Peter Rabbit and I remember Jeremy Fisher. But I have a Norwegian mother, so there was more Hans Christian Andersen.

Oh, good god–that’s an exaggeration. I’ve written children’s short stories, poetry and prose. But they’re for me. They’re on different computers that I’ve closed because they’ve gotten different viruses.

My computer got the “love” virus when I went over to make the first “Bridget Jones” and I had the beginning of two books on that. I did without a computer for five years.

Lucky me.

Oh, that’s funny, isn’t it? Maybe I bring out the boring in him. We’re saving the nude scene for the “Miss Potter” sequel.

I called the sources close to the sources and they say it’s not true.

I don’t know. Would you want me to do a third one?

Really? Well, we’ll have to speak to Helen Fielding to see what she thinks about it.

You should call her. She’s very busy with the baby, and I’ll let you be the one to bug her.

Waiting for the Jan. 14 premiere has been like being tortured by Jack Bauer–painful. Maybe this quiz will help. Go to xtra.NEWSWEEK.com for more.

A. a submerged SUV

B. a fallout shelter

C. an animal trap

D. a conference room surrounded by nerve gas

Admit it–don’t you love it when a celebrity gets into legal trouble? It’s not just seeing the rich and famous dragged through the people’s court (though of course that is nice). Stars somehow manage to land in the most wonderfully perverse cases. The latest weird court reporting, in brief:

Frozen Juice: First, his book, “If I Did It,” was scrapped. Now a judge won’t let O.J. Simpson spend the advance until a later hearing (Fred Goldman filed a fraud lawsuit). Tough luck, O.J. You would have made a killing.

Closet Case: Poor Whitney Houston . She’s so poor, a court orders her to pay off an old storage-unit debt, and she’s auctioning her Versace gowns to cover the $200,000 bill. Other goods up for grabs: a piano and Bobby Brown’s Boston Music Award.

Two Men and a Baby: The Anna Nicole Smith saga continues. In the latest twist, a judge orders that she take a DNA test before Jan. 23 to help answer which of the two men is the father of her 4-month-old daughter. The folks at the trailer park must be so proud.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-25” author: “Ruby Bradshaw”

It really is heartbreaking, seeing those kids walk out of there dejected.

I thought a lot of the contestants were going to know they sucked and do it as a joke. I was shocked at the seriousness of them. They really, really believed they were going to win. The difference between the two–what they are, what they think they are–is so great, there’s no way to bridge it. All of a sudden you’re shattering somebody’s perception of themselves.

They let through people who believe in themselves, and they’re not necessarily great.

Simon’s always Simon.

I only had to do one 10-hour day. My guess is, they’ve been traveling a lot and their nerves grew thin.

Simon is great. He knows what he’s doing. I think a lot of what he says is accurate. I just think sometimes he goes overboard to be mean.

No! We got along pretty good. We were all teasing each other.

I am. We have a taping tonight, so we’re starting to get into glam.

Now, what have I ever done to you to deserve that?

Was Dayna Dooley sleeping with her boss? You’d expect that question from Jerry Springer–but from “American Idol”? That’s what the leering “Idol” judges implied when Dooley told them her boss paid for her trip to audition. “I didn’t think it was right to do that to my character,” Dooley said in an interview with NEWSWEEK. “My boss told me he couldn’t sleep.” “Idol” used to be the most wholesome hit in America. This year it’s turned into the singing version of “Mean Girls.” The producers seem to pick contestants purely for their freak value, and the judges laugh in their faces–and behind their backs. “I woke up the next day with hives all over my back,” says Jessica Rhode, who dissolved into tears after the judges humiliated her for trying to sound like Jewel. “I just think it’s kind of a big joke now.” More cases in point: Kenneth Briggs (“You look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle,” Simon said) and voice teacher Stephen Horst (“I wouldn’t tell anybody to take vocal lessons from you,” said Randy). “He attacked meprofessionally,” says Horst. “Iwas stunned.” So were millions of “Idol” fans.

She slurred her words. She looked as if she were falling asleep. She was practically edited out of the first episode. What’s going on with Paula Abdul? It wasn’t only the fans who noticed–Rosie O’Donnell said on “The View” that “Paula was very thirsty.” When Abdul arrived in Minneapolis, the contestants also asked “Is she OK?” after she “looked blank in the face” and wouldn’t make eye contact with them, says Kah’Reem Copeland, 25. “We were all kind of thinking maybe she was on medication.” The “Idol” star has a history of erratic on-screen behavior. In 2005, she said she was just happy from beating a pain syndrome. But this year she insists nothing’s wrong–though in an interview with NEWSWEEK two weeks ago, she also seemed oddly unfocused, saying she was “too tired.” Then again, maybe she is fine. Everyone is talking about her again, and “Idol” is pulling in its biggest ratings ever. Coincidence?

-R.S.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-30” author: “Jeremy Arnold”

The eternally ethereal Mia Farrow plays the grandmother in “Arthur and the Invisibles.” She spoke with Nicki Gostin.

It sure was–the food alone. Let me count the ways: the Camembert, the baguettes, fresh fish, unbelievable wine at lunch, not that I partook. And I love [director] Luc Besson. I’m endlessly fascinated by who he is and the way he expresses himself. I could watch him brush his teeth.

No. What a good idea. He’s an extremely ethical person and has a profound respect for human beings. We see this reflected in the movie. These two tribes need each other and feel responsible for each other–and this brings me to an issue of the utmost importance: the genocide in Darfur.

I think kids have an acute sense of what’s right and what’s wrong and a sense of outrage.

I don’t have Brad Pitt, though. Give me Brad Pitt and we can talk.

No! What are you talking about?

No, it’s not like that.

I don’t know. If I’m lucky enough.

14.

That’s not in my plans, though none of my life has been planned.

No.

You got that right! No, I was totally in love with him. I wouldn’t have asked, and I guess it wouldn’t have occurred to him.

In Hollywood, you’re either headed up or down. Actually, it’s kind of like a certain board game (also played by children). We bring you the latest round:

Howard Stern Rings in New Year with big payday: $83 million bonus from Sirius Radio. Old-fashioned radio really is for suckers.

Barbara Walters Now she’s fighting with Donald and Rosie. Isn’t she above this garbage?

David Beckham Brit soccer stud signs $250 million contract with L.A. Galaxy. TomKat, Brangelina: clear the field for Posh and Becks.

M. Night Shyamalan His next movie is called “Avatar.” So is James Cameron’s. So much for his sixth sense.

Suzanne Somers Fire destroys her Malibu home. Maybe she can stay at Mr. Roper’s.

The Oscars are so boring. This week, we get the juiciest award show: the Golden Globes. Take our quiz and see if you deserve a statue. Go to xtra.NEWSWEEK.com for more questions.

A. Zip up his fly.

B. Turn around and stick his butt to the crowd.

C. Say a curse that earned a $22,000 FCC fine.

D. Drop his statuette on the floor.

ANSWER: B

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Sindy Arthur”

Going to the Chapel

For a jilted woman, getting engaged really is the best revenge. Though her publicist denies it, Minnie Driver–almost as famous for being dumped by Matt Damon on “Oprah” as for any of her other on-screen roles–is now reportedly sporting a ring from Josh Brolin, son of James Brolin. Even better, Minnie’s got the inside track with one great wedding singer: stepmother-in-law-to-be Barbra Streisand. Still, that ceremony won’t be nearly as entertaining as Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee’s upcoming nuptials. The Motley duo are reportedly planning to make their second wedding an all-nude affair–guests included. (For anyone too shy to attend, the video will begin making the rounds immediately following the reception.) It’s probably best to leave the dressing-up to dapper gents like Pierce Brosnan anyway. He’s finally engaged to “Entertainment Tonight’s” Keely Shaye Smith. The sly 007 wasn’t easy to pin down: He and Smith have been living together for six years and have a child, but Brosnan always said he had no interest in legalizing their bond. Never say never.

Mr. and Mrs. Jacko Throw In the Glove

Michael Jackson’s marriage to Debbie Rowe is now HIStory. The plastic-surgery devotee and his former nurse filed for divorce after almost three years, two children and one helluva hard time convincing anyone the union was for real. The couple refused to comment on the terms of the split and custody arrangements for the kids–or Bubbles the chimp–asking that “the public respect their desire not to further comment or speculate upon the reasons for their decision.” At least one thing hasn’t changed: he still lives in Neverland.

She’s Got Canvas Genes

It wasn’t quite “The Thrilla in Manila,” but 21-year-old Laila Ali did score a knockout in her professional boxing debut last Friday. In the ring at an upstate New York casino, the youngest daughter of Muhammad Ali dispatched her opponent, a 27-year-old Michigan waitress, in a mere 31 seconds–much to her dad’s delight. “My father said he was proud of me,” Ali the younger said after the bout. “From the look in his eyes, I could tell he was proud of me.” Some of Laila’s moves did smack of her old man’s style, but, she insisted, “I wasn’t trying to be like my father. I’m not my father. I’m me.” We’re not about to start an argument.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-15” author: “Kelly Jones”

Some magazines give you one feud of the Week. We give you three. The Wackiest: Marla Maples threatens to “tell the American people what he is really like” if ex-husband Donald Trump persists in his presidential aspirations. Trump retaliates by withholding a $1.5 million alimony payment, citing their confidentiality agreement. A state supreme court judge, undoubtedly wise to the fact that The Donald never kept anything confidential in his life, tells him to pay up. The Sexiest: Frederick’s of Hollywood is suing New Line Cinema to stop a TV biopic about the company’s founder, Fred Mellinger. The lingerie purveyor is actually worried the film will be too trashy. “There’s a big difference between sensualness and sleazy,” says spokesman Seth Jacobson. “We have to be careful about what’s out there.” The Pettiest: About to embark on a new morning TV show, Bryant Gumbel seems to dis former “Today” cohost Katie Couric by recalling her failed prime-time news show and her penchant for firing people. After his comment made him look uncharitable, Gumbel insisted, “I’ve never said one bad word about Katie and I never will.” Notice he didn’t say a nice word, either.

Why is Wall Street so surprised that Martha Stewart’s IPO went through the roof? After all, she’s been whipping up rich stocks for years, albeit the chicken and veal varieties. What’s really shocking is that America’s prissiest hostess agreed to go public on the same day as those Neanderthals from the World Wrestling Federation. Typical competitive Martha, she pinned those hulks to the mat anyway. Her stock closed the week up 95 percent (her personal take is valued at $1.2 billion), while the WWF managed only a 41 percent rise. Being a billionairess is indeed a good thing.

Hold on to your bubblegum, Backstreet boys and girls. Carlos Santana–at the tender age of 52–is back on top of the music world. More than 28 years after his last No. 1 album, Santana’s “Supernatural” became the best-selling CD in the country last week. That return trip to the music summit breaks a record held by the Beatles for longest span between No. 1s. Santana is as amused as anyone by his late-blooming hipness, though the new album–a mix of Latin-based songs and rocking numbers featuring Lauryn Hill, Eric Clapton and Rob Thomas–is the very tip of hip. As Santana says, “Pretty good for an old geezer.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-08” author: “Gregory Davis”

Miss America’s Divorce Court

Funny how Miss America officials always change the rules just in time to grab pre-pageant headlines. In 1993, the bombshell was that the ladies would have to fix their own hair backstage. In 1994, the pageant pooh-bahs made shoes optional in the swimsuit competition. Two years ago was a biggie: contestants could wear bikinis. But the fallout from this year’s makeover–lifting the ban on women who have been divorced or had abortions–may make the pageant think twice about the value of cheap publicity. In fact, pageant officials, who originally said they’d made the change to comply with New Jersey anti-discrimination laws, are reconsidering. Many contestants have already made their stand. “If Miss America is married and divorced by age 24, people might not look at her as a very good role model,” says Lucy Ours, Miss West Virginia. What would Miss Ours say about this year’s cohost, Marie Osmond? She got divorced at 25.

Wham! A New Lawsuit

George Michael has gotten into another skirmish with the men in blue. More than a year after he was arrested in a Beverly Hills bathroom on charges of getting in touch with himself, the policeman who cuffed Michael has filed a $10 million slander suit against him. Marcelo Rodriguez claims he’s suffered “severe injury and shock” because Michael implies in his song and video “Outside” that Rodriguez entrapped him. At first, the onanistic singer wouldn’t comment. Now he says he’ll tell all if the British tabloids promote next month’s NetAid concerts to fight world hunger. “If we get sufficient and respectable and compassionate coverage, I will personally speak to the editor of each tabloid newspaper about anything they like,” Michael says. That ought to make for colorful reading.

Costner’s Feud, Take 3

First, Kevin Costner complained that Universal Pictures cut his full-frontal shower scene from the new movie “For Love of the Game.” Then Universal retaliated by leaking word that it nixed the scene in part because a test audience giggled at Costner’s equipment. Last week both sides had the gall to show up at the movie’s premiere. Universal insisted that Costner be escorted down the red carpet by his own publicist. After all, no studio honcho was willing to stand with–or speak to–him. Once again, Hollywood proves it has yet to graduate from junior high.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-30” author: “Susan Rodgers”

A Rough Week for Martin Lawrence

Funnyman Martin Lawrence hasn’t had much to laugh about lately. The troubled star languished near death in a three-day coma last week after collapsing from heat exhaustion outside his L.A. home. In a drastic attempt to lose weight rapidly for an upcoming film role, Lawrence was out jogging wearing several layers of heavy clothing in intense heat. Friends of the notoriously manic comedian say the 34-year-old Lawrence was under emotional strain as well. A few weeks ago he learned that his ex-wife, Pat Southall, was planning to marry Dallas Cowboys running back Emmitt Smith. “He hasn’t handled their relationship well at all,” said one of the entertainer’s close pals. “The fact that she was packing up last week and moving with their daughter to Dallas really hurt him deeply.” Lawrence appears to be on the mend now, but this is not the first time questionable judgment has landed him in a hospital. In 1996 cops found him wandering in traffic at a busy L.A. intersection, cursing and carrying a loaded gun. Doctors blamed that episode on exhaustion too. Maybe he needs more than a good night’s sleep.

Felicity Takes It All Off

Felicity" is headed into its sophomore year without its mane attraction. Last week star Keri Russell chopped off her trademark ringlets for an episode of the soapy drama airing early next season. While the radical makeover may not rank up there with Jennifer Grey’s nose job in the annals of Tinseltown career-killers, many fans of the angst-ridden undergraduate say they prefer the uncut version. But Russell, 23, who admits to being hesitant when producers suggested the change, says there are advantages to being dis-tressed. “I have peripheral vision for the first time in my life,” she exclaims. Wonder if that will make the big Ben-or-Noel dilemma any clearer.

A Touching Memoir

Gloria Stuart may have had to wait a long time for an Oscar nod, but she hasn’t taken her career troubles lying down–alone. In her memoir, “I Just Kept Hoping,” out next week, the 89-year-old “Titanic” star kisses and tells more than we want to know about 70 years spent walking on the wild side of Sunset Boulevard. Sprinkled with tidbits about the A-list (Humphrey Bogart’s physical abuse of his third wife; James Cameron’s romance with costar Suzy Amis), the juiciest parts of the book focus on Stuart and are, shall we say, deeply personal. “I am devoted to masturbation,” she writes. “I had and have no guilt whatsoever when it comes to pleasuring myself.” Ah, the wisdom of age.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-12” author: “Joe Guerra”

Chris Rocks the House

The only thing fresh about the 1999 MTV Video Music Awards was emcee Chris Rock’s mouth. Perhaps in deference to the tony Metropolitan Opera setting, rockers and rappers alike were on their best behavior, leaving the irreverent Rock to hit all the show’s piercing notes. He dubbed Breakthrough Video winner Fatboy Slim “Whiteboy Retarded” and teen dreams the Backstreet Boys “Crackers With Attitude.” Puff Daddy’s gal pal, Jennifer Lopez, also took it in the behind–literally: “She came with two limos. One for her, and one for her a–.” The rest of the show went off with surprisingly few bleeps. “Live” music sets were as prepackaged as the teen groups who performed them. (“Why did they even have mikes on?” Rock quipped after a Britney Spears-‘N Sync medley.) The Beastie Boys made a grown-up statement denouncing sexual assault, but they went on so long that Diana Ross tried to hustle them off the stage. Even Grammy queen Lauryn Hill (or “Laurence,” as Paul McCartney called her) looked bored as she did a victory lap around yet another award show. Where is Fartman when you need him?

Running for President: A Cybill Servant?

As if the prospect of Warren Beatty in the White House isn’t weird enough, Hollywood may offer another wacky presidential candidate: Cybill Shepherd. Shepherd, the movie and sitcom actress, says she’s “seriously consid-ering” a run against Al, Bill and whoever else may go out for the Democratic nomination, in large part to promote women’s issues, such as abortion rights. Potential competition from that other Hollywood pretty face doesn’t seem to bother her one bit. “Whether Warren runs won’t affect whether Cybill runs,” says Shepherd’s lawyer, Gloria Allred. Wouldn’t it be too cute if they ran together?

CBS Gives Bryant Another Jane

It’ll be hard enough to resurrect CBS’s long-slumbering morning show, but Jane Clayson carries an extra handicap: she doesn’t do caffeine. Clayson, 32, who was named last week as Bryant Gumbel’s co-anchor on “The Early Show,” is a Mormon (hence the no-caffeine thing) who got her start in Salt Lake City before moving to ABC News in 1997. She says she’ll have no trouble perking up for the show’s notoriously grueling early-morning schedule. “The adrenaline will be enough to get me out of bed,” she says. Besides, Bryant has always worked well with women named Jane.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-30” author: “Teri Wilkes”

Out With the New Apparently, breaking up hasn’t been that hard on either Anne Heche or Ellen DeGeneres. It’s been only two months, and already both seem to be in new relationships. Heche continues her string of bizarre choices–her new companion is not only a man, he was the cameraman on Heche’s documentary about Ellen’s comedy tour. Ellen is still out, going about with a new gal pal, actress Alexandra Hedison. DeGeneres also says she has rebounded from the cancellation of “Ellen”–which she blamed on backlash against her relationship with Heche–and is planning a new sitcom. Same format, she says, with “a different kitchen and a different living room.” If and when these walls talk, let’s hope they’re funny.

‘Dinner’ for Two They shared the same night on ABC in the ’70s in “Three’s Company” and “Happy Days.” Now they are sharing a Broadway stage. John Ritter and Henry Winkler opened last week in Neil Simon’s 31st play, “The Dinner Party.” The career overlaps don’t stop with their Nick at Nite residual checks.“I was in the first thing Henry directed for ABC, and he was in a TV movie I coproduced,” says Ritter. But the buddy system may not be the best way for Ritter to pick Broadway roles: critics have attacked “Dinner” as “lean cuisine,” and Winkler’s only other appearance on the Great White Way closed after one night.

Crown Princess After the Miss America pageant earned the lowest ratings in all the 41 years it’s been on TV, the winner, Angela Perez Baraquio of Hawaii, swept the New York media last week, preaching a message of her own relevance. “If you took away the Miss America pageant, people would be lost,” she says. At a gathering in NEWSWEEK’s offices, the first Asian-American Miss America talked about that milestone for the Asian community and how she hoped to serve her crown as that other princess, Diana, did hers. Though she demonstrated the pageant walk across the carpet, she would save her real talent, hula, for another time.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-06” author: “David Cardimino”

No wonder she’s having problems in the ratings–Dr. Laura Schlessinger is clearly no expert on self-help. Last week she took out an ad in Daily Variety extending a “heartfelt” apology for her anti-gay rhetoric, which, she notes, “has been personally and professionally devastating to me.” True enough: the face-saving gesture comes just as her show was canceled by four more stations. Although she insists the move was not about her falling numbers, critics charge it’s just a “sorry” excuse for the failure of her show.

The latest rap sensation? Would you believe–Kenny Rogers? The country crooner is teaming up with rapper Coolio for a riff on Rogers’s 1978 hit “The Gambler,” titled “The Hustler.” And it’s not his only foray into hip-hop. Rogers shows up on rapper Wyclef Jean’s latest album, singing on a track called “Kenny Rogers Scene.” Do these cameos mean he’s looking to cross over from country to urban? “My first goal is to learn how to dance,” says Rogers. “Then I’ll get into rap.” And let’s hope he still knows when to walk away.

Not to be outdone by its rivals, ABC is leaping into the reality-TV trend: Elizabeth Taylor, Shirley MacLaine, Debbie Reynolds and Joan Collins just wrapped last week on an ABC television movie called “These Old Broads.” It’s about aging Hollywood divas who get together for a TV reunion–and that’s not even the part that’s based on actual events. In the February 2001 movie–as in life–Taylor stole Reynolds’s husband some 40 years ago. Collins’s character has a phony tony accent and a penchant for plastic surgery. MacLaine is a big fan of meditation and reincarnation. “We all send each other up,” Collins told The New York Times. “Very naughty. Very close to the mark.” Any closer would make it a documentary.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-14” author: “Lucas Johnson”

Her Name Is Rio Remember when Linda Evangelista infamously boasted that she wouldn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000? Apparently the high times are back. Model-of-the-moment Gisele Bundchen reportedly earned $10,000 an hour to walk down the runways last week at New York’s fashion shows. And now she has a big contract to go with her sizable paycheck. Last week the Brazilian beauty signed a five-year deal to become the new face of Victoria’s Secret. Not that her face will be the main attraction.

Battle of The Sexes John McEnroe should be the last one to give lessons in court etiquette. But last week Mac attacked Venus and Serena Williams for just that in the London Sunday Telegraph. His accusations–being “cocky” and lacking “respect for anyone in the game”–sure sounded familiar. In fact, they echoed comments to The New Yorker last month, where the ever-humble McEnroe boasted that any senior player like him could beat the sisters in a Bobby Riggs-Billie Jean King-type grudge match. Venus’s response to the Telegraph? “I don’t know John McEnroe and therefore can’t form an opinion about him,” she said. “And I don’t know how he can form one about me.” She’s been less than gracious in the past, but that’s a pretty good return.

A Parade of Playmates You’d think Betsey Johnson would have had enough of silicone. A week after Johnson said she discovered she had breast cancer when her left implant ruptured and had to be removed, the designer sent a bevy of Playboy bunnies instead of the usual mannequins bouncing down the runway. The extraperky models sported pink rabbit ears and cotton tails along with their sundresses and hot pants. But the crowd got more than a sneak peek at next spring’s fashions. Miss December, a.k.a. Nicole Dahm, proved too much woman for her skimpy top, flashing the assembled audience. “As a guy it was a little distracting,” said Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler. “I loved the sexual energy and the colors.” Especially the flesh tones.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-16” author: “Donna Real”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-27” author: “Lauri Lewis”

Do We Hear Wedding Bells for Madonna? First came baby Rocco. now maybe a rock? The London Sun reports that Madonna will marry her Guy, British director Guy Ritchie, by the end of the year. “Rocco’s difficult birth has led to Guy realizing all he wants is to marry Madonna and become a family,” Erin Berg, Ritchie’s producer and friend, is quoted as saying in the tab. Meanwhile, Madonna, 42, was snapped wearing a big, fat diamond on her ring finger while out with Ritchie, 31, in Los Angeles. Madonna’s official comment: “The ring is a token of Guy’s love and the fact we have just had a baby.” Even coming from the Material Mom herself, that doesn’t quite ring true.

Catch Me If You Can Forget the fuss over “Basic Instinct”–just flashing her naked heels makes waves for Sharon Stone. Taking off her red stilettos to board a water taxi last week at the Venice Film Festival signaled the start of a canal chase by paparazzi.One photographer needed stitches after waves from Stone’s boat sent him crashing into a pole. Still, he fared better than actor Brad Renfro, who had his own boating incident last week. Renfro, 18, was charged with grand theft for allegedly trying to steal a 45-foot yacht in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. He and a friend didn’t get very far: they forgot to untie the dock lines and the boat was yanked back to shore–and arriving police. Oddly enough, Renfro got his big break in John Grisham’s “The Client.” He’ll need a real lawyer this time.

Daddy Dearest According to “Dream Catcher,” a new book by his daughter Margaret, author J. D. Salinger (who hasn’t published a word since 1965) is a bit of a head case. Homeopathic pee-drinking! Scientology! Who knew? Actually, Margaret, 44, hasn’t seen him much since she was a kid, but she fills out the 436 pages with plenty of cool stuff about her own life–betcha didn’t know she studied to be a nondenominational hospital chaplain.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-18” author: “Jessie Tantillo”

Not Far From the Tree Remember those rumors that Harry could have been the son of polo-playing cavalry officer James Hewitt and Diana? This picture should put that talk to rest–Prince Harry takes after his dad in the looks department. Maybe that’s partly why his brother, who looks like Mom, gets all the attention. While William’s birthday was discussed endlessly in the press, there was little more than a peep as Harry turned 16 last week. The official line from the palace is that Harry spent his birthday studying for exams. And like a good little prince, he was seen and not heard. The palace released only a few official photos, taken by Lord Snowdon, and declined to provide even an interview with Harry. They may have ditched the neckties and started smiling in their photos, but the royal family seems as stiff as ever.

The Old Ball Gets Tossed After serving up controversy–and a lot of snickering–with its new balls please campaign, the men’s tennis tour is getting the last laugh. One of its New Balls boys, Marat Safin, is the new U.S. Open champ. ‘How do you like me now?’ declares the follow-up ad, which debuted last week. Even the irreverence seems appropriate–the 20-year-old Russian clearly wasn’t intimidated by tennis great Pete Sampras, 29, demolishing him in a 98-minute straight-set thrashing. Once famous for breaking racquets–he says he smashed 48 of them last year and 36 so far in 2000–in the final, Safin broke only Sampras’s serve and spirit. “I was steamrolled,” said the legend. “The way he’s playing, he’s the future of the game.”

What Color Are Her Roots? As if her multicolored hair extensions were not enough, Christina Aguilera brought out another fashion accouterment–her Latin roots–last Wednesday at the first annual Latin Grammys in Los Angeles. Host Jimmy Smits earned his pay, introducing the pop star as a girl who had never forgotten her “Ecuadorean roots”–or the lucrative Latin pop market. Now that she’s learned a bit of Spanish, the slim-hipped waif, whose claim to a Hispanic heritage has been mocked, turned saucy Latina for the occasion, sporting darker eyebrows and a rose in her now curly hair. She sang songs off her new Spanish-language album, “Mi Reflejo,” including a south-of-the-border version of “Genie in a Bottle.” Viva Berlitz!

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-20” author: “Joseph Balkcom”

Too Much of ‘Today’? “Today” show viewers got some extra perk with their morning coffee last Wednesday when a panning shot of the crowd outside the New York studio turned up a flashing fan. West Coast viewers missed the boob-tube footage, which was cut from later broadcasts, but the hosts certainly didn’t. Matt Lauer and Ann Curry were visibly aghast at the eyeful of unsupported news, while Katie Couric, reporting from the GOP convention in Philadelphia, mouthed “Did you see that?” on camera. At least something unscripted happened during the Republican convention.

Don’t Cry, Gwynnie Gwyneth Paltrow was reportedly, and understandably, upset at the news that her former fiance, Brad Pitt, was marrying another, but there’s no need to rush to her side holding a hankie. That position has already been filled by her own special friend, Ben Affleck. Sources say the two spent Brad and Jennifer’s wedding day together. Further consolation: Paltrow gets the cover of next month’s Vanity Fair, which names her the “Queen of ‘It’.” Inside she says: “I try to remember, as I hear about friends getting engaged, that it’s not about the ring, and it’s not about the wedding.” Wonder if she had any particular “Friends” in mind?

MC Martha Once she started hanging out with Puff Daddy and Jay-Z, we might have seen it coming: Martha Stewart is going into the music business. The domestic doyenne will release her first album next month. She doesn’t rap or sing, but she does do plenty of sampling. “Martha Stewart Living’s Spooky Scary Sounds for Halloween” mixes sounds of cackling witches, creaking doors and rattling chains “to lure people to your front door during the holiday festivities,” says Stewart. As if the prospect of keeping up with Martha could get any scarier.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-28” author: “Linda Poage”

They may be one of the world’s most attractive couples, but now you can call them the Pitts–Brad Pitt, 36, and Jennifer Aniston, 31, have finally tied the knot. The couple put an end to months of speculation, exchanging “I do’s” under a tent at TV exec Marcy Carsey’s Malibu mansion before 200 “Friends,” friends and family. The $1 million ceremony, reportedly topped off by fireworks, marked the first wedding for both. Despite spending an estimated $100,000 on security, the sunset nuptials were hardly kept secret. But given their history, you can hardly blame Brad and Jennifer for trying. Both were still smarting from very public breakups–she with actor Tate Donovan, he with fiancee Gwyneth Paltrow–when they met in 1998. And their rumored plan to marry during the 1999 Oscars was reportedly foiled when Gwynnie got word and persuaded Brad not to steal her “Shakespeare” spotlight. This time even she couldn’t delay their midsummer night’s dream.

Three Wounded Heroes

More shakespeare, but this time tragedy: Darryl Strawberry, in the midst of his struggle with cocaine addiction, announced he’s got yet another battle still ahead. The slugger will undergo tests this week to determine whether his colon cancer has spread to his lymph nodes. Strawberry, 38, was first diagnosed with cancer in 1998, but after surgery and chemotherapy, he seemed to be in remission. Despite this latest strike against him, the suspended Yankee remains optimistic. “I’m not going to give up,” he said. “Maybe this will be another story for me to redeem myself.” Michael Johnson and Maurice Greene could also use a little redemption. The much-hyped runoff between the two Olympians had a lame ending. Both record holders left the track with injuries to their left hamstrings instead of a shot at the 200-meter gold medal in Sydney. Johnson was quick to blame the media circus surrounding the race for his failure to cross the finish line. “I went through it with the Donovan Bailey match race,” he wrote in USA Today, referring to the Canadian runner who called Johnson a “coward” when he withdrew from a race because of injury three years ago. Johnson says that’s why, although he was cramping before the final, his pride prevented him from pulling out. Hey, when all else fails, blame Canada.

Goodbye, Already!

“There’s never been anything like this on television,” said Regis Philbin of his cohost’s departure. “It just gets longer every day!” No kidding. After weeks of seemingly endless farewells, Kathie Lee Gifford is finally gone. Hubby Frank Gifford had to practically drag her away from her Friday post-“Live!” appearance on “The View.““I have some last words,” he said. “Let’s get the hell outof here.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-09” author: “Barbara Church”

The Breaking-Up Blues Next stop, splitsville. Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche, arguably the best-known gay couple on planet Earth, have parted ways after three and a half years of conspicuous hugging. Heche has reportedly moved out of the couple’s home in the Hollywood Hills, following a painful but amicable split. Now how come psycho-rapper Eminem and wife Kimberly Mathers could never play nice? On June 4 Em allegedly pistol-whipped a man he caught kissing Kim. (He pleaded not guilty.) In July she attempted suicide. Now they’re divorcing. Friends say the couple was crazy in love. Maybe they’re still half right.

Which Street Corner Is That? The ads will clearly state: “Video Music Awards, Sept. 7, Radio City Music Hall.” But we’re guessing that all you’ll remember is Britney’s navel. To hype its big night, MTV enlisted photographer David LaChapelle. His money shot, appearing first in NEWSWEEK, is a photo of Spears literally stopping New York traffic. Says one MTV exec: “It’s going to be hanging up in bedrooms all over the country.” Sure, like their wives will let them get away with that.

Material Mom, Part II The birth of Madonna’s son, shrouded in mystery–doesn’t this sound familiar? After the pop singer delivered her second child, Rocco, on Aug. 11–one full month premature–tabloid reports flew that an emergency C-section was required and that the boy was critically ill. Madonna’s publicist, Liz Rosenberg, initially denied all the reports; later she conceded that “there were some minor complications” but that the two “are home, happy [and] healthy.” The material mom’s new album, “Music,” is due Sept. 19. Here’s hoping that delivery goes a little more smoothly.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-31” author: “Marie Vasquez”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-26” author: “Harold Burns”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-24” author: “David Mcneely”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-21” author: “Hazel Walker”

Super Mario Returns When he bought the Pittsburgh Penguins last year, Mario Lemieux said there was no chance he’d ever play hockey again: “I couldn’t afford to pay myself.” He must have found some cash. In the coming weeks, Lemieux, 35, who retired in 1997, will put on No. 66 again and become the only player-owner in major pro sports. He was already known for his spectacular comebacks, overcoming cancer and conquering back problems that kept him off the ice for a year. The fact that he has signed a Hall of Famer–and likely on the cheap–proves the guy still knows how to score.

A Comic Marvel It’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s the pope? He’s already a best-selling author, has a CD and is an honorary member of the Harlem Globetrotters. Now you can add comic-book hero to Karol Wojtyla’s credits. The first in a series of comics chronicling John Paul II’s path to the papacy hit newsstands in Italy last week. A sample from the strip: “Outta my wayyyy,” Wojtyla shouts (in Italian) at a bystander who calls him a “crazy fanatic.” There’s one hero with a mission.

When Parents Attack Country singer LeAnn Rimes, 18, slapped her dad with a lawsuit in May claiming he and a former manager stole $7 million from her. Now he’s slapping back. Wilbur Rimes filed a counterclaim on Nov. 29 that little LeAnn had no trouble making dollars disappear on her own. He alleges that she wrecked a $350,000 Bentley and spent $10,000 per appearance on her hair. At least her dad isn’t singing the blues–on an album. While Eminem’s mom waits to be heard in court on her $10 million defamation suit against the rapper, she can be heard on her own rap CD, “Set the Record Straight.” For $6.95, you can judge for yourself whether Eminem is the only member of the Mathers family who can be “real shady.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-02-01” author: “David Gaines”

Not Going His Way We all know that just because one black male pop star was arrested, that doesn’t mean all black male pop stars look suspicious. But we aren’t the Miami Beach police. On Nov. 24 cops detained singer Lenny Kravitz, mistaking him for a bank robber. The star was walking with his personal trainer when cops handcuffed him. “My trainer tried to tell them who I was, not that it mattered,” said Kravitz. “I was in sweats and had no ID with me. They said they were looking for a black with an Afro and a beard. I hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, so they obviously thought it was me.” The police finally took the cuffs off after a bank teller cleared him. “The officer detained him briefly when he thought he looked like the suspect,” said police spokesman Bobby Hernandez. “He was real cooperative and even shook everybody’s hand.” ODB fights the power; Lenny’s motto is let love rule.

A Model’s Misfortune Christy Turlington looks fab, but she isn’t the picture of health. The model’s announcement to The Times of London that she has early-stage emphysema–a chronic lung disease–is a shock, since she quit smoking six years ago. (A spokeswoman declined to comment further.) It’s also a cruel irony: she’s crusaded against smoking since her dad died of lung cancer in 1997. Maybe now her pleas to stop will be heard by those who still haven’t learned–the rest of the pack in high fashion.

Imagine the Wedding Dress Yeah, yeah, the tabs say Madonna’s getting married in Scotland later this year, but Guy Ritchie would only be hubby No. 2. Last week Geena Davis, 44, announced she’ll tie the knot for the fourth time with her beau of two years, L.A. surgeon Dr. Reza Jarrahy, 29. Remember him from those topless beach photos of the couple that wound up in Penthouse last year? Or standing beside Davis in pics of that sheer gown she wore at the Emmys? For some reason, we didn’t notice him either.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-06” author: “Heather Shively”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-29” author: “Jorge Fenn”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-10” author: “Keith Nichols”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-10” author: “Isaiah Taylor”

She’s standing behind her man–way, way behind him. As with Bill and Hill, Ben and Gwyn and so many other career-obsessed power couples, it’s hard to get a handle on Jennifer Lopez and Sean (Puffy) Combs’s rocky year-and-a-half romance. Several papers reported that Lopez has dumped the flashy rapper turned mogul and taken up with one of her dancers, but publicists for the pair insist there’s no truth to the rumors. “They’re together,” says her spokesman Alan Nierob. Despite protestations of besottedness, J. Lo has been publicly Puff-free for months, even flying solo at last week’s premieres for “The Wedding Planner” and her sophomore album. “Right now, I’m just so focused on my career,” says the singer-starlet. Puffy also has other things on his mind–like his ongoing trial for weapons possession and bribery. Maybe Combs’s lawyer, Johnnie Cochran, can plead his case to Jennifer: “Till the jury acquits, you must not ditch.”

Her Heart Will Go On

Life just hit a high note for Celine Dion. Despite fertility problems, the Canadian crescendo queen gave birth Jan. 25–just over a year after she and her hubby-manager stopped tour-ing to start a family. Six-pound8-ounce Rene-Charles wasseveral weeks premature, but a rep reports he is in “perfect health.” Dion has said she’ll return to the studio a year after giving birth. Fans of the power ballad can countthe days.

And the Winner Is…

Never have those violet eyes looked more confused. In a bizarre Golden Globes finale, a disoriented Elizabeth Taylor tried to announce the best movie drama before naming the nominees. A source close to the 68-year-old screen legend insists she was just poorly prepared. “I mean, when you present at the Oscars, they make you go down there and practice,” he says. But Barry Adelman, who co-executive-produced the show, says Taylor received a copy of the script well in advance and her people turned down rehearsal time. Despite the awkward spectacle, Adelman would have Taylor on again in a second. “We’re great fans of Liz,” he says. “She’s a great talent.”

The Comeback Kid

After years of learning to just say no, Jennifer Capriati finally has a reason to scream, “Yes!” The former phenom, who claimed a ‘92 Olympic gold medal at the age of 16 before drugs and “personal problems” took her out of the game, won her first Grand Slam title–defeating top-ranked Martina Hingis in the Australian Open finals. “Dreams do come true if you keep believing in yourself,” said the 24-year-old. Disney movies are clearly an integral part of her training regimen.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Maurice Johnson”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-19” author: “Jerome Aubuchon”

Bouncers at the ironically named Conscience Point Inn tell police that the petite power broker, daughter of entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman, got into a verbal scuffle with them, at one point saying, “F–k you, white trash.” Later that night, she allegedly kicked her car into reverse, slamming into the patrons and security guards at the door. The PR queen, whose clients include Britney Spears and Jay-Z, insists that she wasn’t familiar with the car’s quick acceleration. But the D.A.’s not buying the accident excuse; Grubman’s facing 25 years in prison on felony charges of assault, reckless endangerment and leaving the scene. Meanwhile, many Hamptons residents say this incident just illustrates the celebrity snobbery they deal with all summer long. “Those people think they can walk all over the people out here,” said a staffer at the nearby Neptune Beach Club. Cyril Fitzsimons, owner of the eponymous beach bar, knows Grubman and thinks the class talk is overblown. “She just flew off the handle and went in reverse instead of forward,” he said. She must have thought “R” meant “Ready to go.“Jolie de Vivre The timetable’s all wrong. Angelina Jolie goes blond and bubbly and hell hasn’t even started freezing over. The brooding brunette donned a Monroe-esque platinum coif for her most recent film, “Life or Something Like It.” She plays a superficial reporter who learns what’s most important in life–which is, apparently, getting it on with Edward Burns. Her filmic alter ego is “a real lady,” says the puffy-lipped star. “Her purses always match her shoes.” In real life, Jolie’s lucky if one shoe matches the other. “I’m a mess,” she says, laughing. “I have three pairs of pants and I rotate. I’m so bad at shopping, Billy does it for me.” Given the paucity of pants, seems like all that ritual bloodletting may be making him too weak to shop.What a Match! Unlucky on grass, unlucky in love–but Andre Agassi keeps on swinging. He’s expecting a little bundle of athleticism in mid-December with his newest love, tennis great Steffi Graf. No word yet on whether they plan to get hitched. Agassi, of course, already walked down that aisle with Brooke Shields and had a “close friendship” with Barbra Streisand. “It’s easy for stars to get together. They move in the same circles and they’re all so good-looking,” says Fordham psychologist Paul Baard. “But working out a relationship is hard. You get too competitive with your spouse.” We’ll just enjoy this match while it’s love-all.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-13” author: “James Magnanti”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-09” author: “Edna Stackhouse”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-16” author: “Joan Budde”

Shocking Shopping Retail like this usually takes place on a corner. Soft-core met the hard sell a few years ago in Abercrombie & Fitch’s quarterly “magalog”–a shrink-wrapped publication available in stores for $6. But the most recent issues go even further–showing scores of young models frolicking on the beach wearing little more than their sunscreen. (You mean salty ocean spray symbolizes what?) “They’re selling an image, a lifestyle full of seminudity, nudity and promiscuity,” says Illinois Lt. Gov. Corinne Wood, who’s leading a boycott against the preppy purveyor. A rep for the national chain notes that you must be over 18 to purchase the publication, which it insists targets only A&F’s “mature” market. Sure, and they’re reading it only for the vintage polo T’s.

‘Sopranos’ Low Note It’s getting hard to separate fact from fiction these days. Robert Iler, the 16-year-old who plays troubled A.J., “The Sopranos’ " pint-size pot smoker, was arrested for robbery and marijuana possession. He’s pleaded not guilty. The heir to HBO’s fictional crime family and three pals are accused of taking $40 from two kids outside a N.Y. bar–a deli formerly owned by real-life mobster John Gotti. Maybe he’s just method acting.

Dead Man Talking Thirty years after his death, Jim Morrison still has a few things to get off his chest. So says June De Young, a California-based psychic who’s been “hearing from” the former Doors frontman for more than a year now. During a channeling session, Jim’s ghost came clean about his mysterious demise: he died from chronic breathing difficulties, not drugs or alcohol. “When the blood filled me, I drowned inside myself,” she says he says–as if that clears up the confusion. Anything else Jim wants to share? Yes, you can wear leather pants in heaven. So now we know what to pack.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Gerald Schutz”

In this crisis-driven viewing climate, many wonder whether CBS’s “Survivor” will finally lose its immunity. (Reality shows are Sept. 11’s ratings casualties, with the much-hyped “Lost” and “The Amazing Race” doing poorly and “Love Cruise” sinking faster than the Titanic.) “I think we’re different,” says “Survivor” creator Mark Burnett. “We’re the original.” But when the show’s third season begins this week, it’ll face a formidable foe: the Rachel-and-Ross baby on NBC’s must-see “Friends.” Please! When do we get to vote that story line off the island?Home Run History Talk about being in the zone. On Thursday, San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds hit his 70th home run, matching Mark McGwire’s single-season home-run record set in 1998. Then on Friday, Bonds swung his way into baseball history, banging out 71 and 72. Bonds was low key: “I’m going to be happy. But I’m not going to have a party or anything.” But after his record-making swing, ecstatic fans and players celebrated for him with fireworks and a banner. Even McGwire was impressed. “He’s totally blown away what I did.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-13” author: “Yolanda Watson”

Not to pull a Jerry Falwell, but Robert Altman says Hollywood insiders brought the terrorist attacks on themselves. “Nobody would have thought to commit an atrocity like that unless they’d seen it in a movie,” the ever eccentric director told the Associated Press. Dean Devlin, producer of “Godzilla” and “Independence Day,” calls the charge laughable–and not just because Osama’s brand of Islam prohibits movie-watching. After all, he notes, Hitler didn’t need any filmic inspiration for his diabolical schemes. “Horrible people have amazing imaginations.” Let’s just hope no more of their dreams come true.

Snoop’s a stoner? Next they’ll be saying Marilyn Manson worships the Devil. Cops busted the Doggfather for pot possession last week, interrupting his aptly named “Puff, Puff, Pass” tour and surprising, well, no one at all. “When Snoop gets arrested–you already know what it’s for,” says high-school friend and fellow rapper Warren G. “He always has at least one incident on the road. I don’t think it even fazes him anymore.” Dogg’s latest collar came after cops stopped his tour bus for speeding and noticed the distinctive odor wafting from the vehicle. A subsequent search uncovered 200 grams of marijuana in the bus’s cargo bay. Excellent hiding place, Snoop.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-03” author: “James Harry”

Even Michael’s friends question the wisdom of the 38-year-old superstar’s return to the court with the lowly Washington Wizards. Jordan’s final shot–a championship winner–seemed the perfect capstone to a fabled career. Only Michael didn’t share that view. Friends say he resented feeling forced to retire after the Bulls refused to re-sign his running mate Scottie Pippen and coach Phil Jackson. “Michael didn’t leave on his own terms, and that bothered him a lot,” says pal Charles Barkley.

Bonds has never rated mention in the same breath as Jordan. But the slugging Giants outfielder clubbed five more home runs and, at the weekend, trailed McGwire’s single-season record of 70 by just one. Still, pursuing a mark that’s barely dry in the record book can’t rival the drama of passing a record unchallenged for nearly four decades. And while McGwire (and his costar, Sammy Sosa, baseball’s ambassador of joy) won fans’ hearts, Bonds is widely regarded as an embodiment of modern athletes’ “me first” obsession. His teammates dislike him as much as the media, and a historic 71st blast won’t produce the lovefest that followed McGwire’s feat.

Jordan has plenty of love. And also “love of the game,” which is how he explained his comeback. But boredom and ego played a part, too. “He’s probably the most competitive guy on earth,” says close friend Ahmad Rashad. When not hawking athletic shoes or drinks, Jordan hangs out with and mentors young superstars like Tiger Woods and Alex Rodriguez–so he’s acutely aware that they are edging him out of not only the limelight but, inevitably, sponsorship dollars. Woods denies that rivalry played any role. “I have concerns about [his decision],” he says. “But Michael is coming back for Michael, and his reasons have nothing to do with me.” Woods and many others wonder whether His Airness can still muster the vintage moves that immortalized him. His first move as a Wizard player, though, was a real beauty: he donated his $1 million salary to relief groups.

It’s getting harder to find the hottie beneath the librarian. Ashleigh Banfield, MSNBC’s bespectacled blonde whose humane handling of the WTC disaster made her a star, has cropped her hair and dyed it dark brown for an assignment in Pakistan. “If I can blend in more and not stand out with my bleached-blond hair, then I’m safer,” the newly engaged newsgal says from Islamabad, where she’ll coordinate regional coverage. That’s quite a leap for someone who was hosting a chick chat show just a year ago. Maybe too big a leap, says one critical colleague. “She’s trying to be an intrepid Christiane Amanpour.” Perhaps. But blonde or brunette, Banfield brings hometown empathy to these grim days.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-26” author: “Peter Colone”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-24” author: “Katherine Lemke”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-14” author: “Jeffrey Reese”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-12” author: “Christina Bassani”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-05” author: “Raymond Gismondi”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-04” author: “Justin Funderburk”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-29” author: “Joy Sanchez”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Nancy Holmes”

A Family of Champions So what if Venus overpowered baby sis Serena in two quick sets at the U.S. Open. It was really a victory for the whole Williams family. The famously cocky clan has been bragging for years that the siblings were the best in the world–and now they’ve proved that claim in prime time. They may not be technically ranked No. 1 (Martina Hingis is holding on by her fingernails), but their no-holds-barred performance proves that when these two raise their racquets, everyone else on court should run for cover.

He’s Got Moves It says something about the MTV Video Music Awards that Britney Spears can set “I’m a Slave 4 You” (complete with whipping sounds) in an African jungle and it’s not the bad-taste call of the night. That dubious distinction goes to Mudvayne, the death-metal band that claimed their MTV2 award while covered in “blood” from fake bullet wounds on their foreheads. “I want to die,” explained one member. “I wanted to see what I’ll look like in a few months.” (They seemed to shake their suicidal malaise at the after-party, where they were spotted schmoozing and yelling for their limo.) But the gimmick of the night belonged to MTV itself, which transformed a rendition of ‘N Sync’s “Pop” into a surprise homage to the self-proclaimed king of said genre. Michael Jackson, in town for his self-tribute, dropped in just long enough to dance rings around the boy band du jour. Jacko may be frail and 43, but he’s still a thriller.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-16” author: “Gabriel Rados”

The word is out. Teenager Andy Roddick is the future of men’s tennis. And you thought you were going to have to wait for the Agassi-Graff love child to grow up. Fresh off his first hard-court win in D.C. and heading into the U.S. Open, the 18-year-old Nebraska phenom is considered by many to be the courts’ next great American. Heck, even Pete Sampras admitted it after losing to the pipsqueak in Miami. In his first full year on the tour he’s won three tournaments, and he enters this week’s Open seeded 18th. “I’m not a genius, but I knew this kid was on a fast track,” says Patrick McEnroe, who coached Roddick for the U.S. Davis Cup team. “His game is obvious–the weapons that he has.” What he has is a blistering 141mph serve and a bomber forehand to match. “Andy’s got close to as much firepower as anybody around,” said pro Todd Martin. His serve is so fast, Roddick turned his March match against Sampras into a game of dodge ball–at several points nearly pegging the aging legend. He then fought off body cramps to beat Michael Chang in a marathon five-setter match at the French Open. “He’s got a lot of dog, I call it,” says Andre Agassi’s coach, Brad Gilbert. He wraps up the package with looks and personality that light up a stadium. And that’s before he rips off his shirt. For the Open, the best news is that he seems to crave all the attention. “He loves to go out there and get it on,” McEnroe says. Finally, something to get excited about in men’s tennis.

More Lizzie Tizzie

Lizzie Grubman could take her trial on the road. Let’s just hope someone else is driving. This week a Suffolk County grand jury is expected to determine whether the NYC socialite-publicist will stand trial for allegedly backing over 16 people at a Hamptons club. It was all an accident, says Grubman’s attorney Stephen Scaring, “but we are worried that, given the class issues and the negative publicity, she won’t be able to get a fair trial.” And many locals seem to agree. “She sounds like a pretty terrible person,” says 19-year-old Ben Klay. If the jury does return an “unjust indictment,” Scaring says he may request a change of venue for the trial. That seemed downright offensive to county D.A. James Catterson. “The people here can handle it,” he says. “It’s just that to New Yorkers anything east of Queens is the boondocks.” Well, until you get to Europe.

The Story of O

From beef to porn. Oprah makes enemies in the most unusual industries. O Magazine, a German-based bondage-and-fetish rag, is suing Winfrey’s lifestyle monthly for trademark infringement. “I may have a different lifestyle than her,” says editor Ronald Brockmeyer, “but it’s still a lifestyle magazine, no?” (Distinguishing is really quite simple: you want the one with Oprah on the cover, not the leather-clad German.) Winfrey’s reps and lawyers have refused to comment, which only makes Brockmeyer madder. Does Oprah need a spanking?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-30” author: “Karen Cook”

Rodman Raging The wings are hot, but this is ridiculous. According to police, Dennis Rodman sprayed a fire extinguisher at a waitress and several patrons inside a California Hooters last week, forcing the manager to call the cops. “He said, ‘You’re on fire, baby,’ and just sprayed it at my crotch,” Hooters girl Elaine Elizan told newsmakers. Rodman’s manager did not return calls on this subject. Newport Beach police–who’ve dealt with the bizarre basketball bad boy before, responding to more than 50 noise complaints at his house in the past year–are pondering charges of battery and tampering with a fire extinguisher in a public building. Ah, but his hair is still the biggest offense.

What the Heche? A disoriented Anne Heche once told witnesses she was boarding the spaceship to heaven. A year later, her comments are just as bizarre. In a Barbara Walters interview airing this Wednesday, Ellen’s ex says she was “insane” for 31 years before her breakup and breakdown suddenly brought her back to reality. The actress admits she and God used to chat–inside her head–using a special secret language. Asked to recall some of their lingo, the happily hetero Heche shared that “Quiness” means God. And “it is a good fortune to be here” would be: “Aka funka too nadonna East Adone.” Heche is promoting her new book, “Call Me Crazy.” If you insist.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-15” author: “Irene Mueller”

Despite speculation that Prince Charles will walk down the aisle with Camilla Parker Bowles (not another public kiss!), royal watchers insist such a move is unlikely, if not impossible. The Spectator, known for its accuracy in royal reporting, claims the queen has “grudgingly” approved the match. But the traditionalist Queen Mum–who, though 101, is still going strong–would never consent, sources say. Furthermore, Charles can’t marry his divorced lady friend within the Church of England. And, as future head of the C.O.E., it wouldn’t look good for Charles to wed outside it. “Nothing’s changed,” Daily Mail reporter Richard Kay tells NEWSWEEK. “You can just forget about it.” A rep at St. James’s Palace also denounced the report as “total speculation.” Still, it’s been 20 years since we had a wedding of the century. So don’t expect the guessing to stop any time soon.

Almost Shameless

If you can’t trust the woman who brings you lattes, who can you trust? It’s getting harder to find good help in Hollywood these days. Just ask Kate Hudson–whose personal assistant allegedly took her, not her clothes, to the cleaners. The actress filed suit against Margaret Miller, claiming her former gofer secretly charged $63,000 to the star’s credit cards, including a $4,347 plane-ticket upgrade and a $12.95 car wash. This after David Spade was stunned, quite literally, when his aide attacked him and Princess Diana’s former butler was busted for hoarding 342 royal artifacts (like the David Hasselhoff autograph given to Prince William). It’s always tragic when a good assistant goes bad. Or likes Baywatch.

Little Debbie Grows Up

At the ripe old age of 30, Deborah (I’m So Sick of Being Called Debbie) Gibson has gone from teen queen to “Where Are They Now?” and back again. The singer–who’s opening for ‘N Sync to hype her new album “M.Y.O.B.”–has advice for stressed stars tempted by drugs or alcohol: “Don’t be afraid to stop and rest if you need to.” When all else fails, do what Deborah did: musical theater.1 Sheep, 2 Sheep, 3 Sheep… Fore! Most golfers try to stay calm on the course. Nicole Jeray just tries to stay awake. Narcolepsy knocked her off the LPGA tour in ‘96, but she dreams of a comeback at this week’s tour qualifying school. Like a sleepwalker, Jeray was a sleep-golfer who played holes in a daze and, whenever she made a great shot, would “get paralyzed and fall over.” A new narcolepsy drug Provigil has perked her up and her stroke average is lower than ever–“now that I’m awake and all.” Competition’s fierce for the LPGA. Here’s hoping Jerayh has lots to fall down about.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-06” author: “Steve Bellantoni”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-12” author: “Margaret Tierney”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-16” author: “Joseph Davis”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-21” author: “John Ott”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-05” author: “Lawrence Puulei”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-11” author: “Gail Williams”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-24” author: “Susan Toppin”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-20” author: “Charlotte Dusek”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-15” author: “Karen Dutton”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-29” author: “Samuel Rodgers”

New Girl In Town There’s a hot blond pixie flaunting her bellybutton and, oh, my Lord, it’s not Britney Spears. Suddenly Shakira is everywhere–shaking her bonbon with everyone from Michael Jackson to Carson Daly. “I’m like a ghost now,” she says. “I pop up all over.” Many Americans haven’t heard of her, but she’s no novelty. After churning out hits in Spanish for more than a decade, the 24-year-old Colombian pop icon released her first English-language album last week. (All songs on “Laundry Service” are self-authored, though she admits to relying on her trusty rhyming dictionary.) Even for a showbiz veteran, international stardom can be overwhelming. “Well, I enjoy being on planes because I get to do all the things I can’t do on land,” she says with a sigh. “Like eat, sleep, write, think.” Soon she’ll learn. Pop stars just don’t do such things.

Impounding Poundstone As a juror on “To Tell the Truth,” Paula Poundstone had plenty of experience spotting liars. Unfortunately for the troubled comic, her rehab counselors are just as perceptive. She spent half a day in jail after admitting to a judge that she popped prescription pills while in rehab–where she’s serving her sentence for child endangerment. After her taste of life behind bars, she was remanded to the Malibu rehab center to resume treatment for alcoholism. And that’s no laughing matter.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-25” author: “Luciano Larsen”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-18” author: “Josefina Miner”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-18” author: “David Dion”

Attacking Hackman He’s played a homicidal head of state, a mutinous sub commander and the bada– of them all–Lex Luthor. Even now, at 71, Gene Hackman’s not someone you mess with. That’s a lesson two L.A. motorists learned the hard way when the actor accidentally rear-ended their Volvo. Witnesses claim the pair then picked a fight. “Gene had to stand up or get knocked over,” says his publicist. So the still-buff ex-Marine mixed it up with the bellicose buddies. (Hackman was not kicked in the groin as reported elsewhere. “I would’ve remembered that,” he told his rep.) No charges were filed, and Hackman left with just a few scrapes. After unsuccessfully jumping a septuagenarian, one can only assume the motorists suffered severely bruised egos.

Et Tu, Charles? Michael Jordan’s NBA comeback opened off-Broadway last week to great fanfare and lukewarm reviews. But nobody had a harsher take on Jordan redux than his old pal Charles Barkley, now a Turner Sports commentator, who insisted Michael was fighting a losing battle against time. Barkley’s frequent criticisms have caused a rift between the two formerly close friends. Jordan has told pals that he believes Barkley, who had once contemplated his own comeback alongside Michael, is simply envious. Mutual friends see no easy path to reconciliation. “When you p–s Michael off,” says one, “he holds a grudge like no other.”

Push-Up Pinup Goodbye, Betty Grable. For this new kind of war, Pamela Anderson offers troops–and all hotblooded Americans–a new kind of pinup. She recently schmoozed with members of the armed forces onboard an aircraft carrier and, this week, a pic of the starlet draped in Old Glory goes on sale (proceeds go to September 11 victims, of course). Pam’ll sure get a rise out of the soldiers and sailors, says a USO rep. “She’s their first choice.” It’s not all about her body–they’re just huge fans of “V.I.P.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-25” author: “Patrick Gentry”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-26” author: “Londa Isakson”

He pissed off Dennis Quaid. he called the director of his recent bomb “Proof of Life” a “f—ing idiot.” And at this point Meg Ryan looks a lot like a woman scorned. So there is no shortage of suspects in the FBI investigation into a kidnapping plot against Russell Crowe. The bureau confirms the “Gladiator” star has been the target of would-be captors. Since January, the Academy Award nominee has been keeping close company with burly G-men instead of A-list starlets during all those stops on the campaign trail for Oscar gold. “We were at the Golden Globes in tuxedos, conducting the investigation,” says an FBI spokesman. No doubt Crowe–who played a kidnapping negotiator in the seemingly prophetic “Proof”–hopes that this melodrama plays out more successfully than his last abduction plot.

Monica’s Got a Brand New Bag

Judging from recent photos, it doesn’t look like Monica Lewinsky is busy shooting any Jenny Craig commercials. Now she’s lined up a new TV gig, starring in an HBO special airing early next year. Now that her gag order has expired, the handbag designer will field questions on-camera from a group of college students who will no doubt unearth the myriad details not covered in the 1,644 footnotes of the Starr report. “It’s part of the moving-on process for her to use this medium of TV to create a historical record for posterity,” said her spokeswoman, Juli Nadler. “She hopes to have children and grandchildren that she can show this to.” What, did she lose the blue dress?

L.A. Hoops Is Smokin’

Los Angeles basketball has got bigger problems than the recent tiff between Shaq and Kobe. Last week the Lakers’ Isaiah Rider and Clippers leading scorer Lamar Odom were both suspended five games for violating the NBA’s drug policy. Even L.A.’s WNBA team is having trouble: Latasha Byears was arrested on March 1 for driving under the influence of pot. The players aren’t talking, but Charles Oakley is. A few weeks ago the veteran estimated 60 percent of the league was getting high. His future as a commentator is looking up.

A Different Po-trayal

Maybe this will teach Jerry Falwell not to judge a Teletubby by its color–or purse. Two years ago the Rev accused poor purple Tinky Winky of being gay. Turns out little red Po, or at least the actress who played her, is the most sexually adventurous of the clan. Pui Fan Lee has taken a role as a lesbian in an explicit British TV drama. It’s not kiddie stuff–she has nude scenes and performs oral sex on another female. Lee must have been eager to cast off that 30-pound Teletubby costume. People just expected she’d put something else on.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-22” author: “Joseph Royal”

Steely Dan? best album? didn’t they break up in, like, 1976?” It was one of the many comments overheard at the 43rd Grammy Awards following the announcement that the most utterly irrelevant nominee in the top category won out over Eminem, Radiohead, Paul Simon and Beck. And despite a passionate performance by Eminem (and seven curses that eluded the sensors), the Eminem/Elton John duet failed to live up to the hype. Many viewers showed up specifically to watch the allegedly homophobic rapper hook up with gay icon Sir Elton. Eminem tried to keep it real for fans by raising both middle fingers to the audience after the duet–right after he’d blown his bad-boy cover with the teddy-bear hug. Will Eminem fans shun him now? Does Elton still have any fans? Not that it matters. Grammy loves nothing more than a has-been rock star.

Tops in R&B and T&A

You could see just about everything–including her attempt to outstrip Jennifer Lopez–with Toni Braxton’s flesh-baring get-up at the Grammys. The white Richard Tyler gown, held in place (sort of) with double-sided tape, beat out even Christina Aguilera’s braids as the most shocking sight of the evening. “I figure I’m getting married in two months and I’m trying to get pregnant that night,” said Braxton. “I may as well pull out all the stops before everything falls out on its own.” Too late.

Drew’s Canine Costar

Two years ago Drew Barry-more rescued a stray mutt from the streets. Now Flossie has returned the favor. The actress and her fiance, comedian Tom Green, owe their lives to the plucky pooch, who woke them up in time to escape a raging fire that destroyed their Beverly Hills home. The chow-and-Lab mix “literally banged on their bedroom door,” said Barrymore’s rep, Eddie Michaels. The odd couple has always had a intimate relationship with animals: Flossie is one of three stray dogs Drew has adopted, while Green’s past antics include putting a live mouse in his mouth in a movie and sucking on a cow’s udder on his TV show. Maybe now he’ll show four-legged critters some respect.

Pumps for the People

We may never know all about the skeletons in her closet, but now you can see something else she kept there. Former Philippine First Lady Imelda Marcos, famous for leaving behind 1,220 pairs of shoes when she fled the country with her late dictator husband in 1986, opened a shoe museum near Manila last week. “This museum will symbolize the spirit and culture of the Filipino people,” said Marcos, 71, who is considering a run for mayor of Manila. Is she counting on a shoe-in?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Brian Kucharski”

He didn’t crash his Porsche again. His weight is back to normal. So the news that Matthew Perry returned to rehab last week actually came as a surprise. Or at least as much of a surprise as it could be for a guy who’s been in and out of hospitals since 1997 for problems with painkillers and alcohol. It seems having a sobriety coach on the “Friends” set wasn’t enough to keep Perry, 31, clean. No one knows exactly what he’s addicted to this time. Still, there’s been plenty of damage control to keep the publicists busy: Perry was in the middle of shooting both a lead role in an upcoming movie, “Servicing Sara,” and his role as one sixth of TV’s top sitcom. “Friends” still has four more episodes to shoot, including the grand finale to Chandler and Monica’s yearlong wedding preparations. Although the show is shooting around Perry’s absence, NBC’s Jeff Zucker says “it’s still too early to tell” whether the story line will be affected. We’re all pulling for him to recover soon–for Monica’s sake.

Too Bad Johnnie Cochran Is Busy

You’d think Puffy’s legal woes would have rappers cooling their guns. But you wouldn’t be thinking like the NYPD. New York’s Finest are investigating whether a rivalry between two of rap’s biggest divas, Foxy Brown (Inga Marchand) and Lil’ Kim (the 4-foot-9 Kimberly Jones), may have led to a Feb. 25 shooting outside a New York City radio station. More than 20 shots were allegedly fired as Lil’ Kim and her entourage crossed paths with rappers Capone-N-Noreaga’s crew. The theory is Kim may still be a bit peeved that Foxy called her “lame” on Capone-N-Noreaga’s song “Bang Bang.” Although her manager insists “Lil’ Kim and her security had nothing to do whatsoever with the incident,” the cops reportedly have a security video showing several of the suspects jumping into Kim’s limo as it left the scene. (The NYPD won’t comment.) When it comes to drama, they don’t call her the Queen Bee for nothing.

When 15 Minutes Isn’t Enough

Hollywood released the reality-TV craze on the country and now its stars are coming home to roost. At the end of Fox’s hormonal “Temptation Island” last week, we learned that Kaya Wittenburg, Valerie Penso and Billy Cleary have relocated to Tinseltown. They’ll have plenty of company on Wanna-be Avenue. Dirk Been (the Wisconsin virgin from the original “Survivor”) and Josh Souza (the Fresno goofball from “Big Brother”) revealed during their stints on “Blind Date” last week that they, too, have moved West. And it’s only going to get worse. Fox has announced another installment of “Temptation.” As if L.A. needs more out-of-work actors.

Model Behavior

The president’s niece Lauren Bush made her runway debut in Milan last week, and it turns out stage fright runs in the family. The 5-foot-6, 16-year-old, who has squeezed in a few print-modeling gigs between study halls, got off to a shaky start on the catwalk: teetering on her stiletto heels, slouching and looking out of her league among taller models. But just like Uncle W, a few flubs and a lack of experience didn’t keep her from finishing strong. Neil’s girl was all smiles as she accompanied designer Gai Mattiolo down the runway for a final round of bowing and waving. That, no doubt, is something the political princess is used to.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-12” author: “Michael Baker”

Destiny’s Tired

Don’t Bite the Hand That Guards You

his

Circle of Life

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-07” author: “Donna Edgerton”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-17” author: “Mark Pichardo”

Retiring?! He’s Barely Written 60 Books!

Yep, I’m Rosie

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-20” author: “Amanda Calderin”

Sit, Roll Over and Then Go to the Day Spa

that

Kitschy Cool

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-01” author: “Bruce Otis”

‘Fear’ and Loathing

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Steve Draper”

So what’s she think of her replacement? “I think Paige is perfectly perky,” says McLeod, who is now pitching her own reality shows. “She’s lucky because she was plugged in after the show had become a huge success… But to have her performance measured against mine day after day must be taxing.” Although the episodes McLeod hosted are still in heavy rotation–“Someone in TLC programming must have a crush on me”–she’s losing patience with fans obsessing over whether the show was better with her. “I appreciate all the outpouring of support from my fans, but it’s over,” she says. “I’m not coming back.”

-Daniel McGinn Q&A Samuel L. Jackson Samuel L. Jackson is one busy movie star. He’s appeared in two films already this year (“Changing Lanes” and “Star Wars”), and this month he’ll costar in “XXX.” But his next gig will be on the small screen, where he’ll host this week’s ESPY Awards on ESPN, a job that requires the buttoned-down actor to perform in several silly skits. In fact, when he talked to NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels, Jackson was still wearing a cheerleader skirt.

I noticed you didn’t shave your legs. Don’t worry. I shaved other places.

Oh. You pull up your skirt and show your butt in the skit. Did you worry about showing so much? Hey, it was my idea to do the skit in the first place because I loved “Bring It On.” I was just supposed to show my belly, but I have a great butt so I showed that. Plus, I was born to cheer–hear me roar!

Are you an ESPN junkie? I go to sleep watching it and wake up to it, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything while I was knocked out. You never know who did what in the night at a game.

What’s the biggest difference between athletes and actors? Are the egos the same? Athletes take things more seriously. We have a lot of drama around here with the show because certain athletes won’t come on because ESPN said something bad about them. As an actor, you get criticized and rejected all day. We don’t take it personally. You’d go crazy.

Tiger Woods once asked you for acting tips. Did he ever give you golf tips? Yeah, but you can’t tell it by my game. Tiger and I talked about acting a little. He left a couple of messages on my machine about it, but I’m sure he can put my tips more to use than I can his. I love golf, but if I could be any kind of athlete, it would be a basketball player. That’s more befitting my skills.

I heard your refrigerator is filled with berry Popsicles and you refuse to share. What’s with that? I like Popsicles, and I think people should buy their own. I count them when I come home to be sure they’re all there. It’s not a very good night when the Popsicles are gone. Good Sports: Attention, all you golf widows. Catherine Zeta-Jones learned to play just to please her husband, and at last week’s Michael Douglas & Friends Celebrity Golf Tournament, she appeared to be a quick study. They say the celebrities who play together stay together.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-12” author: “Charles Young”

Disney had already spent more than $10 million on script rewrites and building a massive Alamo set, but believed the film’s steep tab was fiscally irresponsible. Disney told Howard and producing partner Brian Grazer to trim the film’s $130 million cost by $25 million, but they declined, and the filmmakers issued an ultimatum, saying if Disney didn’t relent on the purse strings Howard would ride into the sunset.

When Disney held fast the deal blew up, even though Disney chairman Michael Eisner personally intervened. The finger-pointing started immediately. The filmmakers say Disney wanted Howard and Grazer to defer their salaries, but not with a bigger share of profits in return. Another critical issue was the film’s rating: Howard feared he would have to tone down the film’s massacre violence to get a PG-13 rating, a charge Disney denies.

Howard’s and Grazer’s company will still produce the movie, and while Crowe will no longer play Sam Houston, Thornton may still grab a musket as Davy Crockett, and Hawke might stick around to costar as William Travis. Disney has summoned a new director, “The Rookie’s” John Lee Hancock, to the rescue, so the Alamo will be remembered after all.

When Julia Child first hit the airwaves four decades ago as “The French Chef,” America was tuna-casserole land. The woman who helped change that will celebrate her 90th birthday with parties Aug. 2 through Aug. 4 at Copia, a cultural center in California’s Napa Valley. All events are open to the public. She dished with NEWSWEEK’s Tara Weingarten.

How do you feel about being the first celebrity chef?

If I hadn’t come along, somebody else would have because America was ready to learn how to cook. The Kennedys were in the White House and anything they did was new. They had their French chef and everyone wanted to know what he was cooking. Also, people began traveling extensively abroad. It was exactly the right time and I was very lucky to appear at that time.

What were people cooking in the 1960s?

It was all very American. There was lots of Jell-O.

How’s the American palate today?

We’ve become very sophisticated. That means that people just want to eat good food. But as far as a type of American cuisine, there really isn’t one and never has been. We’re a nation of immigrants. You’ve got Southern cooking and Texas cuisine and New England fare and Mexican food. It’s all good. I love it all.

You introduced Americans to perforated egg poachers back in the ’60s. What kitchen gadget are you hot on now?

I think the immersion blenders that allow you to puree soups in the pot are wonderful. You have to be sure it gets all the way down to the bottom of the pot before you turn it on though, don’t you?

What do you think of the Food Channel and the current crop of cooking programs?

I think they’re great fun but it takes a lot of time to watch them all. I’m very fond of Emeril. I don’t think we’d have a Food Channel if it weren’t for Emeril.

How do you feel about the entire city of Napa’s honoring you on your 90th birthday?

As long as we eat well, I don’t care what happens.

At a party for the season premiere of ‘Sex and the City,’ two of the four stars–Sarah Jessica Parker and Cynthia Nixon–showed up pregnant. Will breast-feeding be a turn-on? Stay tuned.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-18” author: “Floyd Vitiello”

Wait until they see what’s next. For starters, O’Donnell won’t appear on the cover anymore. And she’ll avoid what she calls the “watered-down woman’s magazine formula.” Instead, Rosie the magazine will be edgier, more literary and a little mean. “My nice thing, it wasn’t an act,” says O’Donnell. “It was part of me, but not all of me. So get ready. The bitch ain’t so nice anymore.”

Bert and Ernie First the Muppets took Manhattan. Now they’re taking the whole darn country. Kermit learned last week that he’s getting a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame, and his friends Bert and Ernie just released a feature-length solo video, “Bert & Ernie’s Word Play.” NEWSWEEK’s Katherine Stroup talked to the two fuzzy roomies (her interview is brought to you by the letters Q and A):

Why did you decide to make a movie? ERNIE: We were just playing around with words, and somehow it ended up on tape. BERT: Bootleg, I think. But why are words so important? B: We need words to sing and to write and to talk on the phone. Without words we’d all have to get jobs as mimes. E: And NEWSWEEK would be blank. Bert, about those eyebrows, would you ever consider waxing or tweezing? B: No, no, no. Girls go gaga for them. Never underestimate the power of the unibrow. And Ernie, why does Rubber Duckie make bath time so much fun? E: He’s bright, cute and yellow. He goes squeak squeak. And underwater he goes glurg glurg. What could be better that that? B: Bubbles? E: Well, bubbles and ducky together is especially good. But Rubber Duckie is my favorite pal. Well, except for Bert. But just pals… E: Bert’s my best pal. Rubber Duckie doesn’t have a unibrow. Have you talked about getting separate places?

E: Oh, no, of course not. B: I talk to Ernie about it all the time. I think it’s time for him to leave the nest. E: But without Bert, who’d clean up? Who’d sweep? Who’d vacuum? B: Excellent point. Bert, last year there were pictures of you and Osama bin Laden? That wasn’t really you, was… [At this moment, the puppets’ publicist breaks in: “That’s totally irrelevant! That has nothing to do with us! We won’t talk about that!”] B: Uhhh, I guess I have no comment.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-25” author: “Carlos Daugherty”

He and his wife, the actress Jada Pinkett, have written a romantic picture together, but now Smith has put that on the back burner in favor of another longtime scheme: a remake of the oft-remade classic “A Star Is Born,” about an up-and-coming actress’s romance with a has-been star.

The 1954 version–the one Smith likes–with Judy Garland and James Mason, made the film a musical. Smith will, too–he’s always wanted to show off his singing voice–but he’ll flip the roles: he’ll be the up-and-comer. He already has a production deal with Sony Pictures; all he needs now is a green light, a script (he’s tried several writers), a director and a leading lady to be his has-been love, and he can start–early next year, he says.

Well, at least he seems to have found his costar. He first approached Lauryn Hill, then Alicia Keys (“I’m a huge fan”). But he’s settled on the one he had in mind all along: Jennifer Lopez. “I’ve always wanted to work with J. Lo. This is a project that might work if we can get our schedules together.” And then he and Jada do their picture. And then–but you’re getting worn out just hearing about it.

The Pet Psychic

When did you start speaking to animals? I was born with this gift. I talked to animals before people. I had a hearing loss, so I didn’t talk at all until I was 4 1/2. My mother likes to say I haven’t stopped since.

How exactly does your “gift” work? We communicate in pictures, feelings, emotions and senses. Pets and people transmit energy fields like radio stations. I pick up their signals. I could go into the metaphysics of it, dear, but you wouldn’t understand anyway.

Hey, I’m not dumb. It’s just hard to explain. I become the animal–I think like a dog when I talk to a dog. You see the world on all fours, smell it on all fours.

But how do you know how a dog thinks? I just know.

Can anyone talk to animals telepathically? No, you have to be a true animal lover–someone who thinks of pets as children in fur clothes. Those people can learn.

Skeptics say you’re telling pet owners only what they want to hear. That doesn’t bother me one bit. I know that what I’m experiencing and feeling is real.

What’s the most common complaint you hear from the animal world? Oh, they always want to talk about their food. One problem is that people feed their dogs dog food. I don’t give my dogs anything that I wouldn’t eat. So I cook for them–not sweets, of course, just meat, rice and vegetables.

Are there any animals that are so dumb, their minds aren’t worth reading? [Gasps] I can’t think in those terms. All animals are worthwhile. I even pull flies from my pool.

Can you also read my thoughts? Oh, darling, I can’t be bothered with humans.

Don’t. Stop. We’ve had enough.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Robert Padula”

They’re ripping down the barricades at “Les Miserables,” and even Broadway insiders are shocked. After all, “Les Miz” was the sturdiest of Broadway hits, a show that not only managed to make the French Revolution entertaining but over the years employed the likes of Debbie Gibson and Ricky Martin. Producer Cameron Mackintosh, who announced that the musical is throwing in its red flag for good on March 15, 2003, says “Les Miz” was especially hurt by slower ticket sales after September 11. But the fact is those dour British megamusicals aren’t as much fun in the era of feel-good Hollywood-inspired shows like “Hairspray,” “Thoroughly Modern Millie” and “The Producers.” With the death of “Les Miz”–after 16 years, second to “Cats” in Broadway longevity–only “Phantom of the Opera” is still standing. “The British invasion was probably overemphasized when it was happening, and its demise will be as well,” says Jed Bernstein, president of the American League of Theatres and Producers. “But nothing goes on forever.”

And on Broadway, everything comes back eventually anyway. With a show like “Into the Woods” returning to the stage less than 15 years after it closed, does anyone really expect “Les Miserables” to stay away for long? Before the ink was dry on the closing notice, Mackintosh was already plotting an encore. “I have realized that I can’t have a crack at the Tony for best revival until I close the first production,” he says. Maybe that’s what they mean by the song “One Day More.”

TONY HAWK

Chances are, you either worship Tony Hawk or you’ve never heard of the guy. If you’re in the latter category, here’s a recap: Hawk, 34, is the most famous skateboarder, like, ever. He’s also a filthy-rich CEO, thanks to hot videogames, clothing lines and skating equipment. His new venture, the Boom Boom Huck Jam tour, an innovative blend of live punk rock and extreme-sports stars, begins this week. Hawk explains it all to NEWSWEEK’s Devin Gordon.

Sorry to be such a square, but what does “boom boom huck jam” actually mean?

Well, it’s got a variety of derivations. We use “hucking” to refer to launching into the air. “Jam” is a gathering of talent. And “boom boom” is just to give it some flavor.

The ramp for your tour is the biggest ever?

It fills an entire arena floor. There’ll be parts of the show where all of us–the skaters, the BMX guys, motocross guys–are all performing at once. That’s never been done before. I’m really hoping this tour will take off the way the Blue Man Group or Cirque du Soleil has.

As you get older, are you less tolerant of getting hurt on your board?

I don’t think so. I feel like if I’m not out there getting banged up, then I’m not getting better.

Have you ever wiped out really badly in front of your 9-year-old son?

Yeah, but he’s learning from that, because I think I’ve taught him to internalize his injuries. If I get hurt in public, I try to get away from everyone before I assess what’s wrong.

Do you miss the days when skateboarding was more of a rebellious subculture?

Nah. No matter how many skate parks get built, there’s still going to be that faction of skaters who want to find that huge handrail in the business complex. That’s part of the quest.

Has any of those kids ever called you a sellout?

Well, not to my face. If I had truly sold out, I’d just be living off royalties and I’d never get on another skateboard.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve gotten to do thanks to skating?

Probably being on “The Simpsons.” That seemed like such a milestone.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-28” author: “Deborah Bova”

Agent Chris Calhoun–and others–estimate that Eggers could have gotten an advance “well north of $3 million.” “But then, you’ve got him to deal with,” says another agent, referring to the author’s often contrary behavior. Others are more sanguine. “As annoying as he can be sometimes, I applaud him,” says Dan Frank, editor in chief at Pantheon, who points out that publishing is increasingly beholden to “the chains, who are interested in product, in what moves. Eggers is saying he’s on the side of the underdogs.” Can he succeed? “Heartbreaking Work” sold 185,000 copies. Can a book with a first printing in the low five figures, produced in Iceland to save money and bearing a shabby-chic gray cardboard cover, hope to do as well? “If you care about your writing, then you care about how it makes its way into the world,” Eggers has said. “But we’ll see. It could all go horribly, horribly wrong.”

Wolfgang Puck

For 20 years, Wolfgang Puck’s Spago has been Hollywood’s eatery of choice. Lately all America has sampled his cuisine: in the past year we ate 5 million frozen and airport Puck pizzas, and in one weekend bought $3 million worth of his pots and pans on the Home Shopping Network. Last week Puck hosted the 20th annual Meals on Wheels fund-raiser, raised more than $1 million–and let NEWSWEEK’s Tara Weingarten grill him.

You’ve been around forever–no offense. What accounts for your popularity?

If I had just had Spago for 20 years, it would be different, but now I’ve got the show on the Food Network. All of this keeps us in the limelight. Plus it’s great to be in Hollywood. Everyone at the restaurant can people-watch and say, “Oh, there’s Sidney Poitier.”

Or maybe they just think you’re adorable.

(Laughs) You know what it is? I love what I do. So it’s easy for me to be nice to people. If I can make a wiener schnitzel, I’m just as happy as when I work with white truffles.

I often see you in Spago schmoozing with celebrities. But how often do you get into the kitchen?

I love going to the tables to talk. It makes people happy. They say, “Oh, Wolfgang, come over and say hello to us.” I spend a couple of hours in the kitchen. Do I have to work on the fish station all night? No, I’m too old for that.

It was a coup to get other famous chefs, like Paul Prudhomme, to help with your fund-raiser.

I want to make it exciting for the customers who come. And with the money we raise we can serve maybe 250,000 meals to people who otherwise wouldn’t get a nutritious meal.

Your show on the Food Network just won an Emmy. What’s next? A sitcom? Puck for president?

No! I’m not interested in politics. And I’m not interested in becoming an actor, although people say to me they think I should play myself on television. When I did “Frasier,” I saw how professional these people were, like Kelsey Grammer. For me to say that I’m going to do something that I might never get good at–it would be silly. I’m here in Los Angeles, so I know there are enough bad actors who don’t make a living.

Still Summer Lovin’

Oh, no, they’re doing that creepy ’look into each other’s eyes and smile as we sing’ routine! Ack! Yes, it’s John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, reunited after 24 years after ‘Grease,’ at a Paramount gala celebrating the release of ‘Six All-Time Musical Favorites’ on DVD.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-03” author: “Henry Searcy”

No fewer than four Marvel comic books will be teleported into movies next year: “Daredevil,” “Hulk,” “The Punisher” and “X2,” the sequel to “X-Men,” the 2000 blockbuster that started the superhero stampede. To keep the Internet geeks from spoiling the surprises, all these movies are being made with more secrecy than Dick Cheney’s energy meetings. When Alan Cumming emerges from his “X2” makeup trailer outfitted as the mutant Nightcrawler, the Scottish star wears a hooded cape to thwart paparazzi. The movie’s plot is equally clandestine. “Even I don’t know how the movie ends,” says Famke Janssen, who returns in “X2” as Dr. Jean Grey.

Then again, you can never be too careful with a $95 million movie on the line. Fox wisely insisted all lead actors in the first film–Hugh Jackman, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart and Oscar queen Halle Berry–commit to sequels. But Cumming may have the toughest job. He has to endure as many as 10 hours of makeup to play the is-he-bad-or-is-he-good Nightcrawler. To pass the time, he watches videos in his makeup mirror, which poses a challenge with subtitled films. “I couldn’t understand the whole plot of ‘The Red Violin,’” he says. He’s as tight-lipped as anyone about “X2”, though Cumming, who shot to fame as the raunchy emcee in Broadway’s “Cabaret,” does flash us one tidbit. “You do get to see my nipples once,” he says. “But it’s just a glimpse.”

ROD STEWART

With Rod Stewart, it all comes down to one question: do ya think he’s sexy? At 57, Stewart’s trading in his yellow spandex for a white dinner jacket. His new album, “It Had to Be You,” is a collection of romantic standards from the likes of Gershwin and Cole Porter. The Smiler shares his new sound with NEWSWEEK’s Katherine Stroup.

Why do this album?

If you’re a singer of any weight whatsoever, you have to at least attempt these songs. Really. Robert Plant should try. I hope people will love this album. But if they don’t, well, I’ll just throw myself off the Brooklyn Bridge.

These are Ella’s and Sinatra’s songs. Weren’t you worried you wouldn’t measure up?

I enjoyed the challenge, actually, the challenge of putting my stamp on these songs. But I’m sure there are some people who’ll say I’ve murdered them.

You’ve had problems with your voice for years, and even had throat surgery. How’s your singing?

My singing’s wonderful, if I do say so myself. The surgery was two years ago, and I’m back to normal. I actually think there’s a new, mellow tenderness to my voice now.

This is an album of love songs. Do you consider it mood music?

No. I consider it sex music.

Do you expect people to take you seriously?

I’ve adapted pretty well. These certainly aren’t easy songs to sing, but I think I breathed some soul into them. Hey, what’s the weather like?

Here? In New York? Cold.

I’m just trying to figure out whether to pack my full-on overcoat.

I’d say it’s half-on overcoat weather.

Ah, I have just the one.

When do you come East?

Sunday. I’m doing the Johnny Carson show.

Careful, you’re dating yourself.

No, no, I mean the Carson Daly show. And “Good Morning America.” And “The View.” God, I dread being sat between those four! Oh, and Charlie Rose. Is that show any good?

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Sure, doll, sure.

EARLY HALLOWEEN

In London for an exhibit honoring late designer Gianni Versace, sister Donatella–for whom every day is apparently a costume ball–was joined by Madonna and new best friend Chelsea Clinton, who abandoned Oxford tweeds for decolletage and chains. Madonna’s little Lourdes turned 6 that day. Fun party.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-30” author: “Nelia Mayfield”

Jerry Seinfeld believes in nothing like nobody’s business: he devoted his sitcom to it, not to mention the past few years of his life. These days, however, he is clearly up to something. The funny, revealing new documentary “Comedian” follows Seinfeld–as well as a promising and tightly wound comic named Orny Adams–as he heads back to the clubs with the agonizing, electrifying task of creating a new stand-up routine from scratch. Seinfeld is one of the most unflappable celebrities in history. Still, there are moments in the film–when he forgets his train of thought in the middle of a bit, or groans offstage about lousy audiences–when he looks very nearly flapped. Just hearing him use the F word is a revelation of sorts.

Not for a second, of course, do you believe somebody as brilliant as Seinfeld could fail. The comedian is doing his new act in theaters around the country now–he’ll hit Minneapolis, Detroit, Buffalo, Chicago, Tampa and St. Louis before Thanksgiving. On a recent night in Pittsburgh, Seinfeld sidled up to the mike and intoned, “So we meet again.” He riffed about fatherhood, the Taliban, SUVs, barbed-wire tattoos and those news tickers that crawl along the TV. (“Don’t these network idiots understand we don’t want to read?! We’re watching television!”) The audience gave him a boisterous standing O. A new routine isn’t a new sitcom–but it ain’t nothing.

Mary Hart

Mary Hart just celebrated her 20th anniversary tossing softballs at Hollywood stars on “Entertainment Tonight.” NEWSWEEK’s John Horn asked the former Miss South Dakota about surviving on television’s mostfawning show:

Is it fair to say you don’t like asking tough questions?

Am I afraid to ask Lorenzo Lamas about his terrible divorce? Or Samuel Jackson about doing drugs? Not at all. There’s a nice way of doing an interview, or you can look like an attack dog. I’m not an attack dog. But it doesn’t mean I can’t ask tough questions.

What’s tougher: pretending you like a celebrity’s terrible new movie or listening to John Tesh’s double CD “Live at Red Rocks”?

I like John’s music! I take great pride in John’s career. What people really question is whether he can stand people making fun of him. Nobody has a better sense of humor about it than John.

A doctor wrote in The New England Journal of Medicine that your voice triggered seizures in an epileptic woman. Was that true?

I don’t know if that was fact or fiction, but I was afraid to call the woman because I was afraid she would drop dead.

You once tried to headline a Las Vegas lounge act. What happened?

I prefer to get up at 6 o’clock in the morning, not stay up until 6 o’clock in the morning.

Your son A.J. is 10 years old. Does he get to go to PG-13 movies?

He is looking forward to the new James Bond movie, “Die Another Day.” He loves the old James Bond movies, and I let him go back and see those.

Has he asked you what Pussy Galore means?

He hasn’t, and that’s a good thing.

You had your legs insured for $1 million in the 1980s. What body part would you get a policy for today?

My brain.

OK, pop quiz: what was No. 1 at the box office last weekend?

[Long pause] “Red Dragon.”

Danny’s Angels

Even a short guy from Jersey gets lucky sometimes. At last week’s Hollywood Film Festival, Danny DeVito found himself nose to–well, you know–with “Charlie’s Angels” beauties Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu and Drew Barrymore. No word on the whereabouts of Mrs. DeVito, a.k.a. Rhea Perlman.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-11” author: “Donald Kuehl”

Brandy, 23, grew up before our eyes as a singer and the star of “Moesha.” In the late ’90s, she faltered under the pressure and struggled for years with her self-esteem. Today she’s newly married, pregnant–and the subject of an MTV reality show, “Brandy’s Special Delivery,” which debuts this week. NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels spoke with the mommy-to-be.

You’ve gone through so much in the last few years, including what you’ve described as a breakdown. Why let MTV into your life now?

I wanted people to see what it’s like–what you have to go through to do what I do. It’s always a battle about something when you’re in the spotlight, be it fighting with my weight, or how I felt about myself and the way I looked. You can’t help but shut down at some point because it’s too much to deal with.

Were the cameras everywhere or did you control what they saw? That must be tricky with a pregnancy and a new marriage.

Yeah. There were definitely days when I wanted the cameras to go away, but this is the life: you deal with the choices you make. And I do have control. They will follow you everywhere if you don’t say no. I’ve gotten good at saying no. You can’t make everybody happy, which is a tough lesson to learn.

Do they want to be in the delivery room?

That was a big fat no–no delivery room. They’ll come after, but not during. Some things are private. But they did come to the doctor’s office with me and to the studio and a lot of other places to get to see an average day in the life of me–good and bad.

Kelly Osbourne was recently quoted saying something very tacky about you: “Who wants to see her weird ass giving birth?” What do you think of “The Osbournes”?

Frankly, I don’t watch the show. I’m all about being exactly who I am, and I want everybody to do the same, including the Osbournes. And if that means being mean and saying mean things, so be it. The only reason I can talk about my problems now is because I’ve dealt with them. I feel better about myself and nobody can change that but me.

Lemony Does L.A.

For an author who wrote a book that warns its young readers, “not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle,” Daniel Handler sounds, well, happy. “I’m having a blast,” says the author of “A Series of Unfortunate Events” by one Lemony Snicket. Handler, 32–who refers to himself as the “literary, legal and social representative” of said Snicket–has written eight books in the series, which have sold more than 4 million copies and challenged Harry Potter on the bestseller lists of kid lit. That caught Hollywood’s attention. Now Handler is holed up in San Francisco, cranking out a screenplay, and last week Barry Sonnenfeld signed on to direct the film version, based on the first three books.

Sonnenfeld seems to have the right comic-Gothic touch (“The Addams Family”) and sardonic humor (“Men in Black”) to translate the mordant and treacherous adventures of the three orphaned Baudelaire children, Violet, Klaus and Sunny, to the big screen. “I love his movies,” says Handler. “They have a great look to them. And it’s certainly arguable that I married a short, dark, gloomy woman in order to get as close to Christina Ricci’s character in ‘The Addams Family’ as I could.” The producer, Scott Rudin, was behind both “Addams Family” and “Angela’s Ashes,” so, as Handler puts it, “Mr. Rudin has a vast experience with miserable children.”

Seems as if everything is in place but the cast. Who should play the villainous Count Olaf? “I think Boris Karloff would be great, but he’s dead,” Handler muses. “That wouldn’t necessarily make him more difficult to get than, say, Tom Cruise.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-07” author: “Howard Jeffery”

Turner, once dubbed “The Mouth of the South” for his ill-considered quips, quickly issued a clarification saying he regretted “any implication that I believe the actions taken by Israel to protect its people are equal to terrorism.” CNN’s corporate parent, AOL Time Warner, tried to distance itself, claiming, once again, that Turner’s views were his own. And top executives from CNN–which has also come under fire from Palestinians who complained the network is too pro-Israel–flew to the Middle East to assure both sides that their coverage would be balanced.

But FNC has been going all out to court conservative Israelis; recently FNC correspondents were instructed to refer to Palestinian suicide bombers as “homicide bombers.” And last Thursday Israel’s YES Network, which had already been in negotiations to offer FNC as part of its basic cable package, abruptly launched the Murdoch-owned network. “Yes, we were surprised that they launched so quickly,” said Fox’s Doug Murphy. “Ted Turner’s comments certainly didn’t hurt.” -Peg Tyre

Who would have thought that in 2002 Aerosmith would be alive and kicking, let alone have cause to celebrate. Their “Spider-Man” theme song plays in thousands of theaters, they’re the subject of VH1’s first two-hour-long “Behind the Music” and they’ve released yet another greatest hits CD (stay tuned for the tour in August). And for kicks, the Super Bowl-friendly band even came up with a few new singles for the record. Singer Steven Tyler talks with NEWSWEEK’s Lorraine Ali about how, after 30 years, the group has not killed each other or themselves.

Is it a miracle you’ve made it this far?

When I look at the discography, I’m freaked out. I still remember that overwhelming feeling of anxiety on that first record when we ran out of ideas four songs in. It was like, “Oh my God, we gotta write something!” Now I look at the discography and there’s over a hundred songs. Insane.

I put it on, and I can remember what the studio smelled like–the Record Plant–and it wasn’t pretty. I remember that everyone thought I was out of my mind when I laid down a strip of plywood, put on my cowboy boots, taped tambourines to them and marched like I was in the Army for the bridge of “Back in the Saddle.”

Were you crazy?

Well, the drugs were flowing like water. I do remember we’d finished the basic tracks for “Rocks,” or was it “Toys”? Anyway, it was time for Stevie to sing. I got to the studio and realized I left my lyrics in the cab. I walked into the stairwell where no one would hear me scream and went, “BLLAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Then, oddly enough, I wrote the lyrics to “Walk This Way” on the wall. I never did find the cab or the original lyrics.

Does the band still have those legendary fights?

No. Now you say, “I love this person but hate their behavior.” For me, that’s insane. I grew up Italian and if you hated someone you just walked across the street and punched ’em out.

Mike Myers is multiplying. First there were two: in the original ‘Austin Powers,’ the actor played both the titular superspy and his nemesis, Dr. Evil. For the sequel he added flatulent henchman Fat Bastard. A new ‘Austin’ arrives July 26 and with it, naturally, another alter ego. His name: Goldmember. This joker’s clearly a bad guy–only a sociopath would pull up his tube socks that high.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-15” author: “Fred Mcallen”

Stephen Hillenburg, the series’ creator, producer and head writer, confirms he plans to start working in September on a Nickelodeon feature film about his bucktoothed sea sponge who lives in a waterlogged pineapple. And without Hillenburg, there is simply no show, Nickelodeon brass concedes. “The TV stories last 11 minutes. The movie will be at least 70 minutes. That’s a huge new challenge I want to pursue,” says Hillenburg, now finishing the last batch of “SpongeBob” episodes.”

The new episodes will run through next year, but SpongeBob, Patrick Starfish, Sandy Cheeks and Squidward Tentacles won’t swim into movie theaters before late 2004. Until then, fans will have to tread water with reruns–and the $500 million flood of “SpongeBob” merchandise. Among the new flotsam: “SpongeBob” thongs, with the show’s underwater town of Bikini Bottom emblazoned on the front. Who said kiddie TV had to be for kids?

Q/A

And now for something completely different. ABC surprised the TV world last week–not by ousting Bill Maher, host of “Politically Incorrect,” but by replacing him with Jimmy Kimmel of Comedy Central’s burpfest “The Man Show.” NEWSWEEK’s Devin Gordon caught up with late night’s latest addition:

So how the heck did you pull this off? You know, I have no idea. I’d say I feel like a Lotto winner, but I didn’t even buy a lottery ticket. It was a phone call and two meetings.

Was there a point at which you said, “Holy s–t, they’re serious about this!” Yes! I said those very words. I told my wife, “You’re not gonna believe this, but I think they’re gonna offer me the 12 o’clock show on ABC!” I was perplexed.

Leno, Letterman, Kimmel. How does that sound? Well, first of all, I wouldn’t put it in quite that order. [Laughs] But I try not to think about it. Because it’s a joke that I’m on against David Letterman. I believe he’s the greatest talk-show host we’ve ever had.

What about your “Man Show” sidekick, Adam Carolla? Does he feel like you dumped him for a girl with bigger boobs? Believe me, if anyone would understand getting dumped for a girl with bigger boobs, it’s Adam Carolla.

Word is your show will revert to the classic late-night interview format, with some new wrinkles. It’s early, but any big ideas yet? Um, no. Do you have any?

Supposedly ABC dumped Maher because he’s too, well, politically incorrect. Did you ask them if they’d ever watched “The Man Show”? Well, Bill Maher’s controversial stuff is serious, important stuff. My controversial stuff is nonsense. It’s showing a monkey’s penis on TV.

At ABC’s shareholders’ press conference last week, you joked that you might be the best thing to happen to the network since “Mike Ovitz joined the Disney empire and took all your money.” You realize he can have you killed? [Laughter] Yeah, I like to position myself as the brave rebel. But the truth is, if I thought it was really gonna p–s him off I wouldn’t have said it.

Woody’s Cannes-Do

les cineastes

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-29” author: “James Murphy”

The Ungroomed Bride

her

Rhymes With ‘Hassle’

say

Some Bad News, Some Good News

not caused by blocked arteriesnothing to do with it.did

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-11” author: “Lee Buchanan”

First there was the breakdown, then the breakup and now the breaking deal. Some considered Mariah Carey’s career over after last year’s mental meltdown and ill-fated stretch with Virgin Records (it bought out the diva’s contract for $28 million). But the singer was recently the subject of a bidding frenzy that found just about every major label wining and dining the former pariah until Carey, 32, chose Universal’s Island Def Jam Records last week. It doled out a reported $20 million for a minimum of three records to be released on Carey’s own label and distributed through Island. “I’m feeling great–honestly,” Carey told NEWSWEEK. “The experience just taught me to pace myself because nobody can go at that frenzied a pace–it doesn’t work.”

Carey is working on a new record that’s slated to drop early next year. “It’s my most personal album since ‘Butterfly,’ which was also an intense turning point in my life,” she says. Universal Music Group is not daunted by the disappointing sales of Carey’s last effort, “Glitter” (a soundtrack and movie). She is, as Universal’s CEO Doug Morris points out, the highest-selling female artist ever. “What makes this interesting is, she did stumble, and now she has a chance to come back up the hill,” he says. “We’re just setting the stage for what we think will be a great American story.” Carey says she’s ready to jump back in the role of America’s most scrutinized musical superstar. “What are you going to do?” asks Carey. “You ask for success, you have success and you deal with it.”

Interview: David Duchovny

If the truth really is out there, Mulder and Scully have one more episode to find it. After nine seasons, “The X-Files” will close this Sunday. David Duchovny, who returns for the finale, spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Devin Gordon about saying goodbye.

Can you spill any details about the finale?

You know, I had trouble understanding most of it, so I’m not sure how much I can help. It’s a return to what [series creator] Chris Carter calls “the mythology”: certain people in the government–most of whom have Canadian accents, for some reason–are making deals with the aliens to save their own skin.

A lot of fans stopped watching the show after you left and that new guy came.

I don’t think anybody but my mom stopped watching. Actually not even her. My mom would call me and say, “That Robert Patrick, I love him!”

Really?

No.

If I pay you, will you tell me how the series ends?

Well, it ends like all great things do in life. [Long pause]

I’m sorry, I was waiting for the big payoff.

No, that’s it. [Laughs] You have to finish it yourself. OK, I’ll say this: it ends in bed. Where life begins. Well, usually. Sometimes it begins in a parking lot.

How frustrating has it been trying to escape from the shadow of Fox Mulder?

It was frustrating at first. But eventually you come to grips with the fact that this is an iconic character and it’s not gonna go away. So I don’t struggle against it anymore. I just say, “Thank you.” If I can come up with an iconic character every decade, I’ll be happy.

Rumor has it there was some water-gun combat while you were making the finale.

Yeah, it’s easy for me: I can spray people but when they turn on me, I just say, “Hey, I’m in wardrobe. You’ll get in trouble.”

Or, “I’m David Duchovny and I can fire you.”

Yes, it’s very frustrating to get into a water-gun fight with me. But look, it was very hot out there. I was just trying to make people more comfortable.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-26” author: “Richard Hull”

Blizzard of Oz

Say It Ain’t D’oh!

Could It Be a Rare Case Of Stage Fright?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-19” author: “Jamie Barnes”

Coming out as a lesbian mom and advocate for gay parenting probably wasn’t what he had in mind. Although advertisers held fast (ad pages doubled in the past year), newsstand sales tumbled. But it was her “edgy” ideas that proved too much for G?J. “We can’t permit Rosie magazine to migrate into a manifesto of its namesake’s personal views,” Brewster wrote last summer in a memo to the Rosie staff. But that’s exactly what O’Donnell was proposing all along.

Marilyn Manson

The antichrist superstar has a hobby: he paints. His show of watercolors–a conglomeration of corpses, portraits and nude studies titled “The Golden Age of Grotesque”–was on display last week at Los Angeles Contemporary Exhibitions. Manson spoke to NEWSWEEK’s Vanessa Juarez about his body of work.

What do you paint with?

I got back into painting with watercolors in 1997. I will sometimes be drinking while I’m painting, so a few have absinthe mixed in.

There’s a portrait of you as Mickey Mouse.

It’s me as Mickey Mouse as van Gogh. So I’ve cut off one of my mouse ears and I’m staring at it and wondering how I will still be the leader of the club. It sort of lends itself a bit to Disney and the impact that Disney has on the American culture, whether or not we step back and look at how the world has a rodent fetish.

What do you wear when you’re painting?

I’m usually just in my underwear. And I paint on the floor. I throw down a white bedsheet, which is completely stained, and I’m on my hands and knees.

What kind of underwear?

I have a lot of different underwear. They’re black, of course. Umm, Hugo Boss. Hugo Boss tends to be the more comfortable.

What’s up with the painting of the cat? It’s sort of out of place because it’s normal-looking.

That’s my kitten. Her name’s Lilywhite. She’s a Devon Rex. I’ve taught her to kind of understand English. She has wrinkly skin. She’s real soft and she’s nice. She gets jealous.

Do you think your paintings are offensive?

I think people probably expect my paintings to be more offensive. They’re kind of gentle. They’d make an interesting children’s book.

Are you satisfied with the exhibit?

I’m not very arrogant about what I do. I think it’s fortunate for me to be able to take something that was just a way of releasing tension and have it be something that other people want to come and see–and even buy and put in their homes. But quite honestly, if I wasn’t me I’m not sure I’d want to hang any of them in my house.

Jerry for Juniors

Since the end of his beloved TV show, Seinfeld has managed to keep busy by doing stand-up, making babies and … writing a kids’ book? The comedian and his wife, Jessica, visited Bloomingdale’s in Manhattan to sign copies of ‘Halloween,’ his new ode to trick-or-treating. So what does Seinfeld-for-kids sound like? Well, like Seinfeld for grown ups: ‘When you’re a kid, your brain can’t even process the idea. You’re like, “What is this? Everyone we know is just giving out candy”?’

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-03” author: “Gerard Amsden”

When he was thrown off his horse and shattered a piece of his spinal cord in 1995, nobody–other than Reeve–thought he would regain any significant movement or feeling below his neck. And certainly not years after the injury. Most recovery occurs in the first six months and is complete within two years. But in November 2000 Reeve discovered he could voluntarily move his left index finger. From there other movement and sensation began to creep back in.

The news comes at a busy time for Reeve. This week he publishes his second book, “Nothing Is Impossible: Reflections on a New Life.” On Wednesday ABC airs “Christopher Reeve: Courageous Steps,” directed by the actor’s son Matthew. And on Friday Reeve will talk about regaining movement and feeling with “20/20’s” Barbara Walters. “It’s tremendous,” he tells her, “because touch is so important–particularly with children, your loved ones.”

After his injury Reeve said he hoped to walk by his 50th birthday, which is next week. He’s nowhere near there yet–and may never be. But what a gift: hugs from his family that he can, finally, really feel.

Cedric The Entertainer

Cedric the Entertainer’s down-home humor was honed on the African-American comedy circuit. Now 39, he’s got his own variety show on Fox and a leading role in the brand-new movie “Barbershop.” Cedric, who won’t tell his last name, spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels.

Bernie Mac, who was in Spike Lee’s “Kings of Comedy” with you, says he owes his career to the chitlin circuit. What about you?

No doubt. Going to the Deep South–to small cities where you coming into town is the major entertainment they have to look forward to–is definitely what got all of us to where we are. That’s your core crowd. They can be loyal to you, and they love to laugh.

You and the rapper Nelly are both from St. Louis, and you did intros on both his albums.

Yeah, I used to hold these talent shows in St. Louis back in the day, and Nelly and his group the Lunatics would be in them as kids. They were mad talented. My only regret is that I didn’t get a deal to make some money from his albums–at least three cents an album.

Bernie says that it’s harder being a darker-skinned black man in the entertainment business because you might be perceived as threatening. Do you agree?

I think that both Bernie and I have a particular type of African-American humor that’s taken the mainstream a minute to warm to. And there can be an element of a threatening thing because of skin color, but I’ve always considered myself a cuddly, chocolate, sexy man (laughs). You know–like a teddy bear?

Compared to Eddie Murphy with his red leather suit, you dress like the brother from next door.

Well, I’m from the gentleman’s generation, where a nice simple suit would get you in the door. A nice suit and a kickin’ hat was all you needed to get the job–that and to be funny. And plus, I’m a grown-ass man and a grown-ass man should dress a certain way.

You use that phrase as the title of your book. What else is involved in being a grown-ass man?

You know, things like whether or not you play basketball with 20-year-olds.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Sherry Capehart”

It’s been some kind of week in the world of Britney Spears, that pink and sparkly planet that hovers above the media horizon 24/7. The cover of Us Weekly reads BRITNEY & JUSTIN: DID SHE BETRAY HIM? and the story inside portrays a heartaching party girl in dire if vague collapse. The cover of People reads BRITNEY SPEARS: MY TURN TO TALK; inside, she denies she’s having a meltdown, and talks frankly about Justin. Both magazines tell who Justin is, but we’ve forgotten again, nor can we remember whether she betrayed him or just what the story was. One thing, though, was very clear: People beat out Us for the interview.

“We broke the Britney and Justin breakup story in March,” says Us editor Bonnie Fuller, “and since then we’ve had a history of not having phone calls or e-mails returned by Britney Spears’s publicist.” That would be Lisa Kasteler, who explains it differently. “I just chose People because there are people there that we’ve had a good experience with,” Kasteler says. “They seemed to want to do a story that was balanced. The Us magazine story is all conjecture and sources. It reads like a tabloid.” The horror! Martha Nelson, the editor of People, says the magazine “worked really hard to get this interview,” and thinks it got a great story. “And that’s what it’s all about,” she says. “It’s about doing the best journalism you can do no matter what you’re covering.” She didn’t mean that the way it sounds.

It was a pip of a story–due partly to Britney’s mom, who revealed that her child was “doing beautifully.” The divette herself said a psychic told her she had “a problem with intimacy.” And she revised her much-publicized stand in favor of virginity. “Who cares if I have sex?” she asked, apparently rhetorically. We felt as if she were speaking for us, too.

STEVE EARLE

Come hell or high water, singer, songwriter, actor, author and activist Steve Earle has never let what people think get in the way of a good time–or a strong conviction. A Texas-size controversy is already brewing over the song “John Walker’s Blues” from his upcoming CD, “Jerusalem,” due Sept. 24. Earle jawbones with NEWSWEEK’s Jac Chebatoris.

The song about John Walker Lindh is told from his perspective. Is this a defense of him, or are you just assuming a persona?

I don’t condone what he did. But I have a 20-year-old son, which is my main connection to this, and I really do believe it could have been my son, or anybody’s son. The way that John Walker arrived at Islam could have only happened here. It’s a very American story. And when it’s presented the way that it was in the media, I totally understand the average person reacting to it violently.

Why did you include the recitation of sura 47, verse 19, of the Qur’an at the end of the track, knowing that would kick up even more of a fuss?

It’s atmospheric. It’s where the chorus to the song comes from: “I am a witness. There is no God but God.” I started to tell everyone that it was the Lord’s Prayer played backwards.

You’ve just finished your final episode of “The Wire” for HBO, wrote a play about the execution of Karla Faye Tucker, completed a book last year and you have a new record. Are you a workaholic?

I guess I am, but there’s worse things to be addicted to–I can testify to that.

Why did you call the record “Jerusalem”?

The Western Wall, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre and the Dome of the Rock are on one piece of real estate in Jerusalem, and I think that as Jerusalem goes, we go. That area of the world is where it’s all going to come down. But I cannot believe that situation is hopeless. There’s that point in a crisis where everything’s starting to break and you think, well, what do we have that does work?– and what we have is our spirits, and we might need to take a little better care of that.

That’s uplifting, it really is.

At this juncture, something’s got to be.

Can She Get A Witness?

Duh: is anybody going to look anywhere else? Pamela Anderson displays herself at the courthouse in L.A., where she’s fighting her ex, Tommy (Motley Crue) Lee for custody of their two children, Brandon and Dylan. We don’t know who’ll win, but we can imagine who loses.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-13” author: “Derrick Burch”

Did anyone really think Kelly Clarkson wouldn’t win “American Idol”? Now that she’s the latest reality TV insta-celebrity, she’s going to be everywhere. On Sept. 11, Clarkson will sing the national anthem at the Lincoln Memorial. Then she’s off to Vegas, then on tour with her “Idol” costars. Before it’s all over, Clarkson will be as sick of her single, “A Moment Like This,” as the rest of us.

Hot Off the Press

Who killed Tupac Shakur?” asked the Los Angeles Times last week in a front-page story that sparked a huge firestorm in the hip-hop community. The two-part article stems from a yearlong investigation by Pulitzer-winning journalist Chuck Philips into the unsolved murder of the West Coast rapper. Philips, whose extensive sources included police affidavits and interviews with unnamed gang members, places the late Notorious B.I.G. (Christopher Wallace, a rival East Coast rapper) in Las Vegas on Sept. 7, 1996, the night Shakur was shot there. Philips reports that Wallace offered Compton, Calif.’s Southside Crips gang $1 million to take out Shakur. Six months later Wallace was murdered in another unsolved case. “Biggie is dead, so anything can be said about what he did or did not do,” says Snoop, who knew both rappers. “I don’t believe Biggie was behind Tupac’s death, and nobody on the street does either. It was gang-related drama that goes down every day in the ‘hood.” Lil’ Cease, a close friend of Wallace’s, says, “I rolled with Biggie tight and he was no-where near Vegas, ‘cause I would have been there, too. It’s bulls–t and an insult to Biggie’s memory.” Lawyers for Wallace’s estate say they’re considering suing for “character assassinations.” Philips defended his reporting to MTV.com: “I believe the story, everything I have written in there.”

Donny Osmond

Starting Sept. 16, Donny Osmond will host “Pyramid,” a revamped version of “The $10,000 Pyramid.” On that same day “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” and “Family Feud” also get new hosts. On such a watershed occasion, who better to comment than the Donster himself, who spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Elise Christenson?

You watch game shows when you were a kid?

Yeah, I liked Gene Rayburn and “The Match Game.” “To Tell the Truth”–Bob Barker. We used to play “Pyramid” on the road with the family.

Come on. They made you say that.

No! We’d be sitting in hotels, couldn’t go out. Little did I know I’d end up hosting the show.

And what’s it like being the host?

Distracting. I was taping one show, watching from the podium. They threw it back to me for a commercial, and I was so enthralled that it took a moment to remember I was hosting.

What’s the deal with revamping these old shows?

It’s a great idea. I mean, how many times can you reinvent the wheel? Why not use that same wheel and put a new hubcap on it? How’s that for a metaphor?

Nice. If this falls through, give us a call. Say–don’t I remember seeing you on “Fear Factor”?

Absolutely. I’m a very competitive person. Coolio, who beat me on “Fear Factor”–by pure default, I must add–was on “Pyramid,” and he didn’t even make it to the winning circle. It was sweet revenge.

Will Marie appear on the show?

Well, the invitation is out, but she hasn’t responded. But I’m sure that she’ll be on at some point. She’ll probably try to take my job.

It sounds like a pretty sweet gig.

Yeah, two days a week. We shoot 12 shows in two days. We’re actually doing a “Pyramid City” sweep, where we visit cities with the set in a semi. And my face is on the semi.

Do you worry about giving away answers?

I protect them like my life. When I was hired they told me if I tipped off a contestant in any way, I could be fined $10,000 and imprisoned. Surely they couldn’t prosecute you.

Don’t know. And don’t call me Shirley.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-07” author: “Lisa Trout”

At least the plots have nothing in common. In “Catch Me,” DiCaprio plays a 1960s con man pursued by FBI agent Tom Hanks. In “Gangs,” he’s an 1860s immigrant avenging his father’s killing by crime lord Daniel Day-Lewis. Still, both films may suffer if they debut simultaneously. But DreamWorks rejected a Miramax offer to settle the dispute by tossing a coin.

Of course there’s a history here. The two studios have been bitter Oscar rivals; DreamWorks, moreover, originally wanted Lasse Hallstrom (“The Shipping News”) to direct “Catch Me,” but Hallstrom has a deal with Miramax, which wanted co-ownership of “Catch Me” in exchange for his services. (With drama like this, who needs the movies, huh?) DiCaprio, meanwhile, has more momentous battles ahead of him. He plans to re- team with “Romeo + Juliet” director Baz Luhrmann for a film about Alexander the Great, in which he goes toe-to-toe with King Darius III.

–John Horn

Jimmy Fallon

Mr. Saturday night took a day job. Several, in fact. Jimmy Fallon just wrapped a movie and recorded an album. Now “Saturday Night Live’s” prettyboy-funnyman has signed on to host MTV’s Video Music Awards. He spars with NEWSWEEK’s Katherine Stroup:

So you’re taking over the VMAs on Aug. 29. How does it feel to follow in Arsenio Hall’s footsteps?

Aren’t we all just following in the footsteps of Arsenio Hall? It’s actually cool. I’m honored.

For the movie awards you had a cohost. You won’t feel naked without Kirsten Dunst?

I will miss having a cohost. But I talked her into coming. She actually goes everywhere with me. She’s coming to the VFW tomorrow night. I’m gonna be hosting a lodge meeting.

Do you get to know all the VMA surprises?

I know everything. But I wear a cyanide pill around my neck and I have to bite it if anyone from NEWSWEEK asks too many questions.

That’d be a hell of a way to end the interview.

It’s between my teeth right now. Don’t test me.

Do you ever think you’re too cute for sketch comedy? You’re certainly “SNL’s” first teen idol.

Oh, now just hold on a minute. What about Buck Henry? Do your research!

How much longer will you stay with “SNL”?

Not long, just 15 years. I’m not making “Will & Grace” money, but I’m not complaining.

But you’re branching out with the comedy album?

I’m superexcited. I wrote this country song, “Drinking in the Woods.” Mostly because that’s what I did through high school–drive to the woods, pay $5 for a plastic cup, drink until the cops came. There never was a song for it.

So this is pretty much a public service.

Yes! We just had the Steve Miller Band, and how many times can you listen to “The Joker”? This one’s for all the kids in the woods.

But why call the album “Bathroom Wall”?

A girl wrote my name in a bathroom once. I was pretty excited. It was just some derogatory comment, but still… I made it onto the wall.

In the “Idiot Boyfriend” video you give a granny a lap dance. Is there anyone you won’t hump?

I’m not that easy. Actually, the shoot was pretty awkward. She wanted to take me home.

The Suspense Is Killing Us

Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles went to church in Scotland, sat together in the late Queen Mother’s pew–and no spinning sounds were heard underground. A good sign as far as it goes, but the prince is still waiting for letters of fire to appear in the sky.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-30” author: “Melissa Sinicki”

Now that America has marveled at the size of her breasts and her butt, let’s talk about Anna Nicole Smith’s big mouth. In the top-rated debut of “The Anna Nicole Show,” TV’s new reality star not only chatted about masturbating, she also uttered a four-letter word, which E! aired unbleeped. No one expected Smith, the 1993 Playmate of the Year, to be Mother Teresa in a DD cup. But the language went further than most basic cable, even at 10 p.m. “We’re trying to be honest to who she is,” says Mark Sonnenberg, head of entertainment at E! “Her show is adult. It’s not for everybody.”

It may not even be right for E! Sonnenberg says that the station will bleep Smith’s future four-letter outbursts. “I don’t want to give the impression we’re just putting things in for the shock value,” he says. Really? Basic cable is increasingly testing the murky waters usually reserved for pay stations. FX has garnered enormous attention for its cop show “The Shield.” ESPN let the Bobby Knight character blast the F word in its movie, “A Season on the Brink.” One “South Park” show featured “s–t” 162 times. “HBO gets all the attention, but the real culture war is going on at these basic-cable channels,” says Syracuse University’s Robert Thompson. “They don’t have big budgets, so they’ve got to do something to draw viewers.” Kind of makes “The Osbournes” look demure, huh?

Dennis McNally

When Dennis McNally met the Grateful Dead 22 years ago, he’d planned to write a history of the band; instead, he became their publicist for the rest of the long strange trip. Last week, as his book–called, of course, “A Long Strange Trip”– finally hit the shelves, he spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Seth Mnookin.

In your book you’re pretty harsh, especially about the toll Jerry Garcia’s drug problems took on the band. Was this hard after so much time as a professional advocate?

Well, it would have been an insult to Jerry and to the whole band to pretty it up too much. You know, nobody asked me to change something because it was embarrassing–that was sort of what the whole scene was about. The Grateful Dead was a mythical beast that was a combination of those six guys and their music and everything and everyone around that. What I sought to do was to honor that phenomenon truthfully and accurately.

There was so much creativity around the band in their early years. Was it hard to write about Garcia’s degeneration?

It was endlessly painful to see the level of isolation he had imposed. There was really nothing we could do. There were formal interventions and tearful encounters and all of that, but Jerry was Jerry and nobody could do much about it. And one great irony is that in the end it wasn’t really the drugs. It was the most archetypal lifestyle errors–no exercise, smoking, a horrible diet. You could not tell Jerry Garcia not to have a milkshake.

What was it like when the four remaining members played together over the weekend?

In the last years a certain amount of juice had gone out of the whole thing. That was what was so remarkable about this weekend–it was all back. The amount of pleasure in the whole thing for the band as well as the audience was just amazing. The audience simply would not let them leave the stage. And the musicians got together and huddled and they just started pogoing, jumping up and down. Now, that’s extreme behavior for the Grateful Dead. In all my days, I’d never seen anything like that.

The Boss Is Back

Last week Bruce Springsteen, along with the E Street Band, kicked off a 46-city tour in–where else?–New Jersey. The shows feature songs from “The Rising,” his haunting response to September 11. The record sold more than half a million copies in its first week, making it the fastest-selling Springsteen album ever.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-23” author: “Michelle Wall”

There are only two African-American sitcoms that cross over to white audiences: “The Bernie Mac Show” and “My Wife and Kids.” So why have Fox and ABC scheduled them at the same time next season: 8 p.m., ET, on Wednesdays? Both sides blame each other. ABC says it has always broadcast “My Wife and Kids” then, and it won’t switch just because Fox parked “Bernie” in its time slot. “In the two weeks they went head to head, ‘My Wife and Kids’ beat them soundly,” says ABC’s Lloyd Braun. Fox says it made the move because it needs a strong show to launch Wednesdays. “We don’t feel like we’re under any obligation to ensure the success of our competitors’ shows,” says Fox’s Sandy Grushow. Damon Wayans, the star of “My Wife and Kids,” was so concerned he called Bernie Mac, but Mac brushed him off. “I think Damon needs to worry about Damon,” Mac says. “Let’s both give good shows, and in between commercials, you can flip back to Damon. Then make sure you flip back to me.” The battle of the black sitcoms is just one of several skirmishes between like-minded shows this fall. Mondays will feature two forensics dramas at the same time: NBC’s “Crossing Jordan” and CBS’s “CSI: Miami.” On Wednesdays at 10, there will be two medical shows set in San Francisco: ABC’s “MDs” and CBS’s “Presidio Med.” And ABC’s “That Was Then” and the WB’s “Do Over” are both about guys who time-travel back to their ’80s childhoods. Talk about reruns.

–Marc Peyser

ETHAN HAWKE

Back off, you naysayers. why can’t Ethan Hawke be a writer? He’s sure got the stubble for it. The actor turned writer wants respect for “Ash Wed-nesday,” his promising new novel. But, he tells NEWSWEEK’s Katherine Stroup, first he just wants some aspirin.

This book is all about fatherhood. How has being a father changed you?

Fatherhood hasn’t changed me. It’s changing me. I was driven to write this book because it was asking me to change in all these ways, and I didn’t know if I could do it. I was dealing with all those questions that… questions… I’m sorry. My brain just completely downshifted.

Your first novel got some pretty brutal reviews. Why come back for more punishment?

If you stop writing because of bad reviews, then you weren’t ever serious about it.

Still, it’s hard to be taken seriously. The comparisons to Jewel’s poetry are almost inevitable.

My goal is not to be taken seriously. I’m happy to play the fool.

How do you find time to act and direct and write?

They’re so interconnected. I met my wife acting. It’s taken me around the world. I come at writing as an actor. What am I talking about?

Acting. I think.

I had a big reading in Central Park last night, and it was so great. But I’m so hung over.

Hey, it happens to the best of us.

Thanks.

You’re so prolific. Most men would never get out of bed if they were married to Uma Thurman.

Well, that’s the good thing about writing–I get to stay home.

You were on TV last week talking about what motherhood’s done to Uma’s breasts…

I’ve learned my lesson. I have no comment about my wife’s anatomy.

Do you plan on dabbling in any other art forms?

Yeah, I’m really working on my needlework. Actually, acting, writing and directing–I think that’s about it.

You’re a really successful guy. Ever think about washing your hair more often?

In about three hours, I’ll have a really witty response to that.

OH YOKO

Even Yoko Ono, 69, knew to curtsy before Queen Elizabeth II at the dedication of a new terminal at Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport. Named after the city’s most famous son last year, the airport also features a bronze statue of Lennon.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-09” author: “Amy Foster”

She doesn’t have a royal title, but there’s nothing common about Charlotte Casiraghi. The daughter of Monaco’s Princess Caroline–and granddaughter of ’50s screen queen Grace Kelly–Charlotte’s grown into the drop-dead-gorgeous darling of Europe’s paparazzi. Last Saturday she celebrated her 16th birthday. Now her mother can probably kiss goodbye the quiet upbringing she tried to create for Charlotte and her two brothers after the death of their father, Caroline’s second husband, Stefano Casiraghi, in a 1990 boating accident. These days Charlotte lives with her mom and stepdad, Prince Ernst of Hanover, in the French suburb of Fontainebleau–close enough for Charlotte to shop and party in Paris, when she’s not indulging her passion for horses. “She wants to prove she’s a sportswoman, rather than some media ticket,” says her riding coach, Thierry Rosier, who reports the budding beauty is studious, too. And boyfriends? Well, Charlotte has been linked to a pal of her stepbrother’s, but the French press is already fantasizing about a match made in tabloid heaven–with Britain’s bonny Prince William.

Martin Lawrence

Martin Lawrence, 37, has survived everything from running down an L.A. street with a loaded gun to collapsing into a coma after jogging in 100-degree weather while wearing many layers of clothes and a wool hat. In his hilarious new concert film “Runteldat,” the comedian deals with his troubles much as Richard Pryor did in “Live From the Sunset Strip.’’ He spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels.

Your film explains a lot of your behavior in the last few years. How did it feel to tell everything?

It just felt good to just look back and say, “I survived that.” They talked about marketing this film to a black audience, and I was like, no, this movie is for everybody. Anyone can relate to just flipping out. We’re all human and we all have s–t we’d like to forget.

You’ve said you wanted to tell your story before “E! True Hollywood Story” did. But why now?

Well, it took time to get some distance from the incidents. It was too fresh, and I had to figure out how I wanted to deal with it, how to make it funny. Could it be funny?

You make it clear that marijuana use caused a lot of the incidents, particularly when you were in the street with a gun. Is there a lesson for your fans?

It is what it is. I mean, I hope that people come to the movie and take what they can relate to and use it for themselves. I’m telling the truth here. I mean, I was in the street, I was in a coma, I was arrested.

“Big Momma’s House’’ made over $100 million, and so have many of your other movies. Were you surprised that your audience hung in there?

You know, I’m grateful, but at the end of the day, all your fans want is to see you do your thing. To be funny and make them laugh.

There’ve been many reports that you’re difficult to work it with.

What’s makes me difficult? Because I’m an outspoken black man who calls people out on their s–t, who confronts problems head on. That makes me difficult? If you don’t know me, you can’t judge me. It’s a lot of bulls–t that’s been printed and sometimes me and my family just sit back and laugh at the way the devils can spin things–and a devil can be of any color.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-02-01” author: “Dorthy Delaney”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-30” author: “Claudia Sarkin”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-11” author: “Ronald Glover”

Media Musical Chairs

Spilling the Beans

He’s Hammering Hank

Dodgers

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-14” author: “Bruce Duerr”

Understudy on Top

‘Ally’ Hits the Road

Cough Up, Rudy

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-29” author: “Eric Palacios”

First to break the color barrier: Halle Berry, who became the first black woman to win best actress. Coupled with Denzel Washington, who was named best actor, they’ve just won as many Oscars as all the black actors in the 1990s combined. Though Berry still should have stopped her marathon speech before thanking her lawyer.

First nominee to leave before his category was announced: Will Smith, who along with his wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith, left mid-broadcast after their daughter became ill at home.

First time in attendance: Woody Allen had never shown up at the Oscars, despite winning three times. He made the trip this year to introduce a montage of clips about New York. His appearance was such a surprise, even ABC didn’t know about it until Allen walked onstage.

Susan Lucci persistence award: Randy Newman won his first Oscar for best song–after 16 nominations–for “If I Didn’t Have You” from “Monsters, Inc.” “I don’t want your pity,” he joked.

First time looking ugly in her life: Jennifer Lopez. Whoever turned J. Lo’s hair into that poofy, wavy, “Stepford Wives” mess should have his blow-dryer confiscated immediately.

Runner-up: Gwyneth Paltrow, erstwhile Hollywood sweetheart, who looked like a harlot with her raccoon eyes and a blouse so revealing that a billion people could tell she needed a bra.

First morning-show victory of the century: This may have been the lowest-rated Oscars since 1997, but enough of those 41.8 million viewers stayed tuned to ABC the next morning to give “Good Morning America” its first ratings win over NBC’s “Today” show since 1996.

First “Survivor” to make it on the Academy Awards: That was “Survivor: Africa” alum Silas Gaither onstage handing out statuettes, one of the few trophy boys in Oscar history. “Survivor” Jerri Manthey is probably still kicking herself.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-30” author: “Chester Black”

R&B crooner R. Kelly once believed he could fly. But since a home video surfaced of what appears to be the singer having sex with a young girl–who a family member says is 14–the 35-year-old singer has hit the ground with a thud. Though Kelly denies ever having sex with an underage girl, the backlash over the explicit tape has begun. Ministers in his hometown of Chicago are demanding radio stations pull R. Kelly from playlists. His new album with Jay-Z, “The Best of Both Worlds,” is tanking. The rap world is also turning on Kelly: Sisqo’s new song “This Is the Heart” offers the scathing line: " ‘The World’s Greatest?’ Whateva! Ain’t nothing but a child molester.” Nas dissed his ex-bud onstage in L.A., while Jay-Z has refused to promote the album he did with Kelly, tour or have photos taken with him. Dr. Dre recently scrapped a track Kelly sang. Defending himself on Chicago’s WGCI-FM, Kelly stated, “I’m not God.” And in case anyone’s still confused, he’s no saint, either.

The Naked Truth

Enough Already!

Bird on a Wire

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Leonora Jones”

Ryder will be sentenced on Dec. 6, with the prosecutor pressing not for jail time, but probation, community service and restitution. The judge alone will make the call, but he’ll no doubt be influenced by a report from the L.A. probation department. Sources tell NEWSWEEK it will likely recommend drug treatment and counseling and include “an extensive family history.” (Her parents once ran a library dedicated to literature about mind-altering drugs.)

Ryder’s career probably won’t suffer–it’s been in the dumps anyway, but she has a devout fan base. Two 15-year-old girls who wangled their way into the courtroom came out bearing letter-length autographs. “I wish you lots of love and peace,” the actress wrote in bright orange marker. Many still wish her the same.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

He always said, “I’ll be back.” Not only will his cyborg return in next summer’s “T3: Rise of the Machines,” but a younger, Speedo-clad Schwarzenegger is back, on Cinemax this Friday in a 25th-anniversary showing of the documentary “Pumping Iron.” Fresh from a victory at the California polls last week, with his initiative to fund after-school programs, Schwarzenegger talked to NEWSWEEK’s David J. Jefferson.

When you look back at that muscle-bound 28-year-old with the shaggy haircut, what do you think?

First of all, I was never muscle-bound. I just watched the movie for the first time in years, and I’m reminded how our society in the early days condemned the sport of body-building. “Pumping Iron” was the beginning of body-building catching on as something hip: you know, you’d have Andy Warhol and Jackie Kennedy coming to the events. Now, 25 years later, you have the most staggering turnaround. No matter what billboard you look at, it’s all giant guys with six-packs and pumped deltoids. The women, too. There’s not one single athlete today that does not lift weights. Even the golfers lift weights.

Which was more nerve-racking: waiting for the election results last Tuesday , or waiting for the judge’s results in the Mr. Olympia contest?

In body-building you can see the reaction from the judges, whereas here you have the exit polls at noon and they say you’re even, then at 5 you are 15 points behind, then at 8 o’clock you get a call saying we’re six points ahead. It’s a roller-coaster ride.

You’ve heard the speculation that in the 2006 California governor’s race, it’ll be you against Rob Reiner, the Terminator vs. Meathead?

I would say it’s the most boring question that you have asked today. It’s very presumptuous to assume that either one of us is going to run. I would never answer this question because Rob Reiner is a very good friend of mine. He contributed $5,000 to my campaign, and I’ve supported him when he was campaigning on his things.

You Want Fries With That?

In this economy, you never know whom you’ll find slinging burgers at McDonald’s. At least tennis stars Serena and Venus Williams had an excuse last week in L.A.–they’d just signed a deal to promote the fast-food empire. Though by the looks of them, the sisters don’t actually eat many Big Macs.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-28” author: “Sharon Ott”

Johnny Knoxville would like to make an apology. Naturally, the man is delighted that his masterwork, “Jackass: The Movie”–an 80-minute highlight reel of some of the most outrageous stunts, pranks and assaults on personal hygiene ever recorded–raked in a shocking $22 million in its opening weekend. He is, of course, proud to have the most popular movie in America. But… “Oh, my goodness, when I think of all those poor filmmakers who spent so much time and tens of millions of dollars on their movies–and our stinker was No. 1?” Knoxville shakes his head. “That is so wrong.”

Finally, something Knoxville and his howling detractors can agree upon. After all, “Jackass: The Movie” is only a movie in the loosest sense. There is no plot, just one grosser-than-gross gimmick after another. Knoxville is the star, but in name only. The best gags belong to his crew of longtime pals, most notably Chris Pontius, who loves dancing naked in public; Steve-O, who enjoys snorting wasabi, and a midget named Wee Man, who’s short… which is funny. As advertised, “Jackass: The Movie” is for people who think the only thing more amusing than jamming a toy car up a man’s rectum is the word “rectum.” (Who knew there were so many of us?!)

For anyone not in on the joke, “Jackass’s” success is doubly depressing: “Jackass II” and “III” can’t be far behind, right? Actually, no. “It’s done. Exclamation point,” says Knoxville. “I care about it too much to keep doing it and doing it until it becomes watered down and less shocking. I wouldn’t take any amount of money to do another one.” Heh, heh. He said “doing it.” Twice.

Q&A: Justin Timberlake

It’s hard to get Justin Timberlake to stop dancing. Inside an L.A. rehearsal studio, the ‘N Sync heartthrob shimmies, shakes and pops while discussing everything from his current wardrobe choice to his new Hollywood Hills home. Once seated (whew!), the singer talks to NEWSWEEK’s Lorraine Ali about his new solo debut, “Justified,” life outside ‘N Sync and a world without Britney.

Were you concerned that people might think your solo album meant the end of ‘N Sync?

I’m not concerned, just like I’m not concerned with who I’m supposed to be having sex with every other week. I treat that the same way that I treat rumors.

Your single’s being played on BET and you’re crossing over into the hip-hop and R&B world.

In a group, people don’t get to see everybody’s individual personalities, they just see the unit. But now they see there is this side of me and it’s surprising. But I grew up in Memphis where blues was invented. I sang in church in the gospel choir.

Do you feel you have more artistic control now?

When you’re young, you don’t realize that you want to be the writer of your own songs, and the maker of your own destiny. You just want to your face on a CD cover.

Were you worried people wouldn’t take you seriously because you’re from a boy band?

No. For the first two years people didn’t take ‘N Sync seriously–or that’s what critics said. Well, somebody did because we sold 12 million records with the first album and 11 million with the second. I mean, every movie that the critics think is a piece of s–t I like. I went to opening night of “Jackass,” you know.

What’s the most absurd rumor you’ve heard about yourself?

I heard I was an alien, I was gay, I was the playboy of America.

And then there’s all the Britney breakup talk.

We’re still friends. I talked to her the other day. We’re a lot closer than you’d guess. People think that when people break up they’re enemies, but I grew up with this girl. So we’re going to be friends. We have a lot of history. I’m as simple as that.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-30” author: “Brandon Crim”

Last week deputies from the L.A. Sheriff’s Department raided rap mogul Marion (Suge) Knight’s Beverly Hills headquarters, as well as several other locations around L.A. They arrested, among others, two men in the office of Knight’s record company, Tha Row, in connection with the June murder of a Compton, Calif., street-gang member. The dead gangbanger was rumored to have whacked Knight’s right-hand man, Alton McDonald, in April.

Lt. Mike Ford of the Sheriff’s Department says Knight himself, who was released from prison last year after serving time for violating probation, isn’t a suspect. And one of Knight’s lawyers, David Z. Chesnoff, seems impatient with the media attention. “All Suge has done is serve his time,” he says. “He gets out, and people keep trying to taint him.”

This, of course, is because of two famous still-unsolved murders about six years ago. Knight’s protege Tupac Shakur was shot while the two were riding in a car; six months later, Tupac’s East Coast rival Biggie Smalls was also shot. Last week’s events, says Arthur Barens, another of Knight’s lawyers, have “absolutely no relationship whatsoever with any investigation into those murders. My client has always said that he has no knowledge about them.” OK, noted. And given gangsta rap’s notions of street cred, this may not even be bad publicity.

Tom Arnold

Actor, comedian and “best Damn Sports Show Period” host Tom Arnold has now turned autobiographer, with a memoir called “How I Lost 5 Pounds in 6 Years.” Last week he chewed the fat with NEWSWEEK’s Katherine Stroup.

Have you really lost five pounds in six years?

I did. They say if you lose weight slowly, it stays off longer. That’s my strategy.

And have you kept it off?

I think I gained most of it back in the past two days. I had this special-made suit from Prada–it was like two suits sewn together, because they don’t have too many fat people in there. Now I can’t even button it.

Why write an autobiography? Is there that much we don’t know about you?

This is just an open letter to my kids. I wish my dad had done that. But he didn’t write. Or read.

Even your book jacket mentions your small penis size. Doesn’t this bother you?

Yeah. Since I had an ex-wife who talked about it, I spent a couple of years with a tape measure by my bed. But I’m a firm believer in underselling. If women expect tiny and they see medium, they think “Huge!”

Do you worry that you’ll always be known as Roseanne’s ex-husband?

Yeah. I do. But it’s sure better than being known as her current husband.

So, “The Best Damn Sports Show Period.” That’s a pretty lofty claim.

Yeah, they had this whole list of titles, and they decided to go with the worst one possible.

How serious a fan are you?

I think the Lakers won the championship last year because of me. I stepped outside to smoke a cigar, and they started coming back. So I stayed out there, watching the game through the window. I didn’t want to be the guy who jinxed the team.

Shaq’s your neighbor. Did he sense your support?

Well, I have a bit of a problem with Shaq. Shaq’s dogs are really big and they–at least I think it’s the dogs–they go to the bathroom in my yard. But my little girlie dogs, they urinate on Shaq’s car. You’re not going to be able to use any of this, are you?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-10” author: “Elizabeth Reider”

It may seem ironic that Grubman enlisted her PR people, including such handlers of the high and mighty as Dan Klores. But would a neurosurgeon hold a mirror and have at herself with a scalpel? Last week Grubman let herself be snapped shopping for jail clothes at down-market T.J. Maxx and wept during a softball interview with the New York Post’s ever-pliant Cindy Adams. Then in court, she admitted to being “arrogant” to “decent, hardworking people”–boffo stuff. Now the plan seems to be to lower her profile to the point of flatlining. “To be honest with you,” says Klores’s associate Natalie Moore, “this story’s been hashed over a lot.” Will Lizzie have visitors? “To be honest with you,” Moore says, “it might only be her family.” What will she do when she’s out? “To be honest with you,” she says, “she will probably try to get on with her career and her life and put this behind her. But I’m only speculating.” At least she’s honest.

Q&A: Aaron Sorkin

The West Wing,” which is a great show (no, shut up, it is), just won its third consecutive Emmy. But it’s been taking its lumps in the press because it’s losing viewers to “The Bachelor,” Rob Lowe is leaving–and some critics think the series has gotten lame (no, shut up, it hasn’t). “West Wing” creator Aaron Sorkin spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Jeff Giles.

Do you watch “The Bachelor”?

I watch it religiously. I TiVo “West Wing.” I watch “The Bachelor.”

That can’t possibly be true.

I’ve never seen it. Listen, we understand that some of the younger women have gone to “The Bachelor,” so instead of starting our episodes with a recap, what we’ll be doing is having Janel Moloney marry a millionaire celebrity boxer. There’s gonna be a quick ceremony. Then they’re gonna eat worms.

Is it a coincidence that all these negative articles about “West Wing” came out just as you’re about to negotiate a new deal? Obviously they help NBC.

A coincidence that nine articles should appear in one day about a top-10 show losing 20 percent of its women 18 to 34? That’s a story with a pretty wide scope, and you’ve gotta expect people to cover that.

Let the record reflect that you’re being ironic.

Yeah, I hope that you’ll let the record reflect that. Luckily, Hollywood isn’t into schadenfreude–so that’s a break.

Some viewers think Lowe’s story lines are dull.

It’s a big cast. Plenty of times Rob has had a lot to do. He’s got two Golden Globe nominations and an Emmy nomination to show for it… Look, any writer writing for Rob has big shoes to fill. You’re looking at the specter of “Atomic Train” and “Oxford Blues” and “St. Elmo’s Fire,” and you try to live up to those standards, and sometimes you can’t.

I’m not sure if the record should reflect that you’re being ironic.

(Laughs) Whatever you like.

On the off chance NBC and “West Wing” can’t make a deal, would you go to another network?

Hey, we’ll do it anywhere. We’ll do it on the cooking channel.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-14” author: “Jessica Price”

Cindy Crawford likes to do favors for her friends. Last week the supermodel turned mom returned to the catwalk after three years for Roberto Cavalli’s fashion show in Milan. “I just love his clothes,” said the 36-year-old mother of two. “At home I wear jeans and a T shirt, so it doesn’t matter if I get mucky with Kaia and Presley, but then I put on a Cavalli top or trousers and I feel like a sexy mom rather than a frumpy housewife.” (Yeah, right–frumpy.) But when Crawford strolled down the runway in a knee-length Cavalli mink coat, she drew fire from the animal-rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. In 1994 she appeared in a PETA fashion catalog wearing a fake fur hat. Now Crawford’s spokesperson says Cindy was never part of PETA’s anti-fur campaign. She’d done the photo back then as a simple favor for the hat’s designer, her good buddy Todd Oldham.

Kylie on Our Minds

Never was a hit single more aptly named than Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head.” Sure, it was fun the first 500 or 600 times you heard it. But now it’s more like, can’t get the Australian pop and soap star off our radios and TVs. If you’d thought of leaving the country, too bad. Kylie beat you to it. “Can’t Get You” is the No. 1 song in 17 countries. Her infectious album “Fever” has sold more than 2 million copies worldwide. Beware: this week she’ll be on “SNL.” And you thought the former teen star’s career was as over as the ’80s.

A Bipartisanly Beautiful Bush

She was signed by the Elite modeling agency when she was 13. Last year she showed up clad in an American flag on the cover of the British magazine Tatler. The Pirelli tire company put her on the cover of its 2002 calendar, and designer Tommy Hilfiger made her his latest Tommy Girl–the focus of his print ads. But now 17-year-old Lauren Bush has really hit her size- 4 stride as the girl on the April cover of–what else?–W. The president’s niece (the eldest of brother Neil’s three children) is modest to a fault. She denies the W cover’s steaminess (“I think that’s more an art form instead of an abuse”). And she swears she’s still only a part-time model but a full-time high-school senior. But how long can that last? Look at the W cover and you know photographer Herb Ritts was on the money when he dubbed her “pretty enough to be a Kennedy.”

Diddy to Daddy Again

Rapper-fashion mogul Sean (P. Diddy) Combs settled his child-support case last week, but not just in the interest of 3-year-old Christian Combs. (Mom Kim Porter gets an undisclosed amount to raise the boy in Georgia.) It’s great for headline writers, too. Like, how about diaper rapper or good boy at bad boy records? Outside the courtroom, Combs said, “I have joint custody of Christian.” News punsters rushed back to work.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-21” author: “Travis Williams”

It looks like Michael Jordan may be human after all. Jordan’s latest comeback–this time with the Washington Wizards–stalled last week when he underwent arthroscopic surgery on his right knee. The good news, oddly, was the discovery of torn cartilage, a condition that theoretically could heal in two weeks–except that Jordan is 39, so the more pessimistic prognosis of six weeks is more likely. He hasn’t missed this many games due to injury since he broke his foot in 1985. In any event, the Jordan-less Wizards–who haven’t made the playoffs since 1997, when they were still called the Washington Bullets–will need a magic potion to make the postseason now. They’ve already lost the vast majority of the games they’ve played without Jordan this season, and they’re barely holding on to the final playoff spot. That won’t please the team’s owners–one of whom is Jordan.

Who Needs Mike Tyson?

Tasteless

History Lessons

Sorkin’s New Drama

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-24” author: “Roberta Davis”

No Goods on Winona

not

The Child Who Wasn’t There

Don’t Touch That Dial

breathe

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Cathy Polich”

KITT and Kaboodle

Saddam’s Novel Hobby

Blame It on the Buddha

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-24” author: “Christine Basham”

If you remember your Shakespeare–that scene in “Henry IV, Part I,” where Falstaff keeps amping up the number of “rogues in buckram” he says attacked him?–the discrepancy in numbers makes sense. And on his Web site (where he’s been posting away), Moby posits a motive: “maybe they don’t like skinny bald guys who play cover songs? i’m sure that’s it. it’s my fault, i should’ve posted a warning on the entrance to the club, ‘warning: tonights show will at time be comprised of cover songs poorly played by moby, a skinny bald musician’… see, we’re all a little bit wiser now, aren’t we. it’s like ’the lion king,’ we laughed, we cried, we ran the gamut of emotions.” We’ve forgotten what “Hakuna Matata” means exactly, but it’s a great idea for his next cover song.

–Jac Chebatoris and David Gates

Elmore leonard published his first story, a Western, in Argosy in December 1951. This month the 77-year-old author published his 39th book, “When the Women Come Out to Dance,” a collection of stories. NEWSWEEK’s Malcolm Jones gave him the third degree.

These new stories are plot-driven, like stories 50 years ago in The Saturday Evening Post.

Exactly. Or pulp-magazine stories.

Is there really a market for such stories?

I don’t know. A New Yorker editor used to ask me for stories, and I’d say, “I don’t write your kind of stories.” My stories have endings.

So why do it? Just because you like to?

Yeah. People ask me, “Why are you still writing books?” Like I’m still only writing to make money and as soon as I have enough I’ll quit and go fishing? I like to write books. It’s the most satisfying thing I do. And I can write anything I want, although I don’t take that too far, because I’ve always had a commercial bent. I’m not going to write for posterity. I’m going to write to make a buck.

You never think of posterity?

No. But I do think my stuff will last longer than a lot of stuff I read today.

If you could abide any label, what would it be?

I write crime stories. I have no problem with that.

Is there a label that irks you?

Mystery writer. I’ve never written a mystery. There are no mysteries in my books.

Eighteen of your books were turned into movies. Do you write with that in the back of your mind?

Back when I was just starting out, they were in the front of my mind, because I wanted to make some money. Now it’s just my style: writing in scenes, always from one character’s point of view, moving the story with dialogue–like a movie.

Recently you published a short list of rules for writing. (#1: Never open a book with weather. #3: Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue. #10: Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.) Do you ever break your own rules?

Oh yeah. But I hesitate. I won’t use an adverb to modify said, I’ll tell you that. Absolutely not.

Last week Oprah Winfrey, the Queen of All Media, visited South Africa and distributed thousands of backpacks stuffed with clothing and other necessities to have-nothing children. She had also come to break ground for a girls’ boarding school for which she donated $10 million two years ago.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-27” author: “Kerry Sonnier”

So another “Bachelor” bites the dust, and now we can debate again whether this is the most disgusting, degrading show since, since–well, we can debate that, too. But say what you will, the second installment of America’s crassest dating game improved on the first dramatically. For one thing, last week’s finale pulled in an average of 26 million viewers, beating the panties off the truly pornographic “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.” And at least Bachelor No. 2–a wealthy banker/stud from Missouri named Aaron Buerge–had the nerve to propose marriage to the woman of his choice, Helene Eksterowicz. He even insisted on paying for the Harry Winston engagement ring himself. No wonder the final woman he rejected, Brooke Smith, is still so distraught that she ripped out her earpiece on “Good Morning America” when the show rebroadcast Buerge’s proposal. “I felt like I was getting broken up with all over again,” Smith said. “Yes, I am still in love with him.”

All that for an engagement that looks less promising than one of Elizabeth Taylor’s. There’s no wedding date–not even a wedding year. “We’re not in a hurry to walk down the aisle,” says Buerge now. “We want to make sure we do the right thing.” In fact, the couple is planning a long-distance romance: she’s not leaving New Jersey for Missouri any time soon. Eksterowicz also admitted she returned the engagement ring to Buerge after the show. “He didn’t have insurance for it, so I didn’t feel comfortable keeping it,” she says. But at least they still love each other, right? “I am in love with her,” Buerge said. Then he turned to his betrothed. “Are you in love with me?” Eksterowicz paused. “After watching the show? I think my feelings are the same. Yeah, I can say I’m still in love. Yes.” Sounds like a definite maybe.

–Marc Peyser

LISA LING

After three years as the voice of youth in TV’s most successful coven, Lisa Ling announced last week she’s leaving “The View” to travel the world for “National Geographic Explorer.” She talked with NEWSWEEK’s Marc Peyser about her new job, and the ladies she’s leaving behind.

You work with the toughest women in television. Who was the toughest about your jumping ship?

Probably Joy Behar. We get along so well. She wasn’t particularly excited about me leaving. She gave me a little heat.

Joy was tougher than Barbara Walters?

Barbara knew I had aspirations of getting back to reporting. From day one she said, “I want to keep you forever. But if you come across your dream job, tell me.” She’s been so warm to me, about everything.

You mean she didn’t make you cry? You’re ruining her reputation.

It’s kind of a crazy notion to tell the most famous person in news you want to quit her show. I was very nervous.

You’re probably giving up a hell of a wardrobe allowance to go to “Explorer.” Why leave?

I’ve been feeling very disappointed and disenchanted by the lack of awareness that young people possess about what’s going on in the world. My hope is that somehow I can try to raise the level of consciousness.

You sound so serious.

I am more serious than not, which is why it was funny to go to “The View” at all.

If that’s the case, how do you explain this other show you’re hosting, “Rock Talk”?

It’s a great series, interviews with some of the hottest female musicians.

It’s on WE? What is WE? Lifetime without the sappy movies?

Sort of–it’s Women’s Entertainment.

Speaking of which, who’s going to replace you on “The View”?

They’re not filling my spot. They’re going to rotate celebrities. Maybe Debbie Matenopoulos will get a shot!

It could be interesting. I would watch that, although I can’t suggest that they do it.

I can.

OFF THE WALL

Last week Berlin police considered investigating Michael Jackson after he dangled his son, Prince Michael II, from a fourth-floor window of his hotel. Back in L.A., his pal Liza Minnelli took issue with the word ‘dangling’: ‘I don’t see a picture where he is dangling the child dangerously.’ You be the judge.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-21” author: “Barry Rutherford”

Just in case you had something better to do that night, the Queen Diva (we’re not being snarky; that’s what Arista calls her) came clean, no pun intended, about her drug use. “I like to think… I had a bad habit… I don’t like to think of myself as addicted.” And her ever-helpful husband, Bobby Brown, popped in to explain that he smoked pot to level out a bipolar disorder. (All a shock to viewers who’ve never stood in a supermarket checkout line.) Houston also fielded questions about rumors of her anorexia with the grace of a Mo Vaughn. “I am not sick, OK? I’ve always been a thin girl. I am not going to be fat ever. Whitney is not going to be fat, ever.”

Meanwhile, Houston’s 82-year-old father has filed a $100 million lawsuit against her, and on Thursday made a public plea on “Celebrity Justice” for her to pay “the money that you owe me” for various business dealings. Like to have Christmas dinner at the Houston house? Us either.

Q&A: Bono

Last week U2’s lead singer toured the American heartland, holding town-hall-type meetings to talk about AIDS in Africa. He spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Seth Mnookin.

[On Seth Mnookin’s voice mail: old man’s voice] Seth, this is the voice of your conscience. [Normal voice] Seth, this is Bono. I heard you want to talk to me. Maybe you’re on with somebody taller. I’ll call back. ‘Bye.

With terrorism and the economy, isn’t it hard to get Americans’ attention about this issue?

It turns out it’s easier. The idea that the prosperous few can live separate from the poverty of the many shattered on September 11, 2001. This is one of those moments where our children and grandchildren will be asking, how did we let this happen? Our age will be remembered for three things: the Internet, the war on terror and how we let an entire continent burst into flames while we stood around with watering cans. Or not.

So people are responding?

The other day I met a Teamster at a truck stop in Iowa. His name was Bill. We were talking about watching people in Jalalabad jump up and down celebrating the collapse of the Twin Towers. “Put it right,” he said. “Whatever we have to do to make us less hated.” He sees this as patriotic.

Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill, with whom you toured Africa, resigned this morning. Will you still be heard in the administration?

Look, the administration cares deeply about Africa. The president is going there in January. And he has enormous interest in the way the U.S. is perceived in the rest of the world. I think President Bush is passionate about this subject. Our job is to turn his passion into cash.

I have to say, you don’t sound like a rock star dilettante.

I’m Irish–I rant. I can bore the arse off my best friends.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-28” author: “Gudrun Rosenstock”

We swore after he dangled the baby, no more Michael Jackson for the next year. But when a guy who looks like the Tin Man tells the world how sweet it is to sleep chastely with children–other people’s children–you just have to think out of the box. Jackson sure does. In a British documentary, rebroadcast on ABC last week, journalist Martin Bashir coaxed Jackson to talk about all sorts of things. About how he’s had plastic surgery only on his nose. About how he’s Peter Pan. (We believe that.) But naturally people fastened onto Jackson’s disquisition about how “the most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone.” Since Jackson had paid an out-of-court settlement in 1994 after a 14-year-old boy dropped a civil suit that accused Jackson of sexually molesting him (Jackson denied the accusation), this was surprising. Or not.

Jackson’s friend Uri Geller (yes, the guy who used to bend spoons) helped put him together with Bashir; Geller now says, “I thought Michael was grown-up enough to be careful.” But Geller told us that the ever-resilient Jackson’s now talking to “a major U.S. aviation company” about being launched into space. (Presumably this started before the Columbia disaster.) “He says he wants to do the moon dance on the moon, so I do not think it’s the last we have heard of Michael yet.” Roger that.

Q&A: 50 CENT

Last week rapper 50 Cent, a.k.a. Curtis Jackson, released his much-anticipated debut album “Get Rich or Die Tryin’ “; his song “Wanksta” was a highlight of the “8 Mile” soundtrack. The 26-year-old protege of Eminem’s and Dr. Dre spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels.

Your mother was a drug dealer, killed when you were just 8. What are your memories of her?

Well, we didn’t exactly get to have much quality time together. She had me young and then began hustling to make ends meet. My grandmother was the one who ended up raising me.

You began selling crack at 12. How did your grandmother react to that?

She didn’t know. She had nine kids and the last thing I wanted was to be a burden to her. I didn’t want to ask her for a pair of Air Jordans when I knew she couldn’t afford them, so I began working to get my stuff and not stress her out. She didn’t deserve more pain.

You’d been signed by Columbia Records. Why is your debut on Eminem and Dr. Dre’s label?

Columbia got scared off when I got shot nine times. They didn’t understand that I’d kept my day job.

Nine times? Did you find out why?

Karma. I did some things I shouldn’t have done to some people, and that s–t always comes back to you in one way or another. Mine came back in the form of a bullet–or nine bullets–but it wasn’t a problem. I survived. Being dead–that’s a problem.

When your first mentor, Jam Master Jay, was killed last year, the NYPD warned you of a possible threat on your lie. Were you worried?

I was like, “Well, have you picked someone up? What you callin’ for? If you got reliable sources, go arrest somebody.”

Did you accept their offer of protection?

No. I’ve never known the police to do nothing to stop a n–r from being killed. They come with the yellow tape and s–t, but I ain’t never heard about them preventing s–t.

Were Dre and Eminem worried about your past?

Nope. They asked was everything cool and I told them everything was cool. Then we just made music.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-31” author: “Chris Williams”

One of the best films at this year’s Sundance Festival is about a dwarf who digs trains, and stars Peter Dinklage, whom you’ve never heard of. One of the worst stars Macaulay Culkin. That’s Sundance. On the one hand, there’s the festival Robert Redford intended: 10 days of indie films with you-couldn’t-drag-me-to-it premises, some of which turn out to be good. But then there’s the Sundance that Hollywood stars use to hone–or manufacture–their edge. This year, A-listers like Al Pacino and Salma Hayek turned Main Street of Park City, Utah, into a red carpet. They dressed down in designer parkas, but their parties were VIP-only. One fan even tried scaling a wall to get into a Fox Searchlight bash.

But the films made the nonsense worthwhile. Almost. The dwarf movie (“The Station Agent”) snagged a $1.5 million deal from Miramax. Other winners: the wickedly funny “Pieces of April,” about a dysfunctional family’s Thanksgiving; “American Splendor,” a biopic about comic-book legend Harvey Pekar, and “thirteen,” an unsettling film about two teen girls who do things we certainly didn’t do when we were 13. And Culkin’s “Party Monster”? Well, the audience didn’t buy Big Mac as a gay, coke-snorting murderer. Even in Park City.

–Devin Gordon

Q&A: Mark O’Connor

America’s premier fiddler first recorded as a 12-year-old. Now 41, he’s a classical composer, leads a hot-jazz trio and teaches at his summer fiddle camps. On Feb. 4 he has two concerts in New York. The Gloriae Dei Cantores chorus debuts his Folk Mass, while at Lincoln Center, Wynton Marsalis and Jane Monheit will supplement his Hot Swing Trio. How did he find time to talk with NEWSWEEK’s Malcolm Jones?

As a Nashville session man, you play on more than 400 albums. Do you still listen to country radio?

I never did. I thought I could be a better, more mature musician by playing on different people’s albums–contemporary Christian, James Taylor, Leon Redbone. I loved it all.

American composers have tried for a long time, with limited success, to fuse classical music with folk or jazz. What makes you think you can do it?

I’ve spent a career developing a way to play music that lends itself to the Americana landscape. When I play folk, you hear classical elements. When I play classical, you hear elements of folk–the traditions, the accents, the directness of American life.

Are more kids picking up musical instruments?

There’s less music in the schools, but there are more parents who care about music. When I started to play fiddle, I was one of the few kids who did. People at fiddle contests would tell my parents, “This is important that Mark is doing this–he’s going to save fiddling.” Now kids everywhere play fiddle music.

Your Folk Mass was inspired by the events of September 11?

Yes. I wrote it to heal my own thoughts about the world and what we were all living through. I didn’t write it to console anyone else, but I decided that if it could make anyone else feel better, then that made it worthwhile.

If you had to choose playing or composing, which would it be?

Either chop off my hands or sever my creativity? I think I’d lose the will to live if I lost my creativity.

We Believe We Can Skip It

Last week R&B singer R. Kelly was arrested, again, on child-porn charges–21 counts this time. A Chicago TV station, apparently hoping to get points–maybe even an interview–decided not to air last year’s pictures of Kelly in his jailbird-orange jumpsuit, and not to specify the age of the girl with whom he was allegedly filmed allegedly having alleged sex. (Yes, we lawyered this.) Here’s the picture; the alleged girl was allegedly 14. Some other time for the interview.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-26” author: “James Campbell”

Now that director Roman Polanski has his expected Oscar nomination–his fourth–for “The Pianist,” will he return from exile in Paris to attend the ceremony? Polanski, now 69, fled the United States in 1978 after having sex in a Jacuzzi in L.A. with a 13-year-old girl. He faced six felony charges, pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, then blew town during lunch on the day of his sentencing.

Such a personal film as “The Pianist” might have got him some sympathy: its hero, as Polanski did, evades capture by the Nazis. But Sandi Gibbons of the L.A. District Attorney’s office says Polanski is “a convicted felon,” who can’t “come here and not face the court system.” Six years ago, Polanski’s lawyer, Douglas Dalton, initiated discussions with the presiding judge, but Gibbons says talks broke down. Sources say Dalton checks in annually to see if a deal can be struck, but no one’s heard from him since the nominations. Even a temporary reprieve so Polanski can attend the March 23 telecast seems unlikely. As a source in the D.A.’s office says, “This isn’t the climate where you’re going to give leniency to a convicted child molester.” And Polanski’s agent, Jeff Berg, says his client “lives in France, works in Europe and has no plans to return to the United States.” Case closed?

Q&A: William Gibson

The “Cyberpunk” novelist William Gibson has just published his new novel, “Pattern Recognition,” whose jet-setting main character has an uncanny ability to tell which logos will work for new products. (Its complicated plot involves a hypnotic series of mysterious Web video clips.) Last week he interfaced with NEWSWEEK’s Seth Mnookin.

This is your first book set in the present.

I never bought that conceit that science fiction is about the future. It can’t be. “1984” is really about 1948.

You write in this book, “Fully imagined cultural futures were the luxury of another day.” What’s that supposed to mean?

Literally, that our now is so brief and instantaneous that we don’t have a sense of solidity that I assume we once had. The world used to consist of big blocks of solid stuff. And the world today seems to consist of squirming fractal bits. Everything now seems so fluid that I can’t imagine how I could sit down and come up with some imaginary idea of the 2040s that I would be able to connect with emotionally and intellectually.

Is your obituary going to read, “William Gibson, who coined the term cyberspace…”

Of course. Somebody said that successful writers become these appendages that are dragged around by their most popular work. I don’t mind being remembered for having coined the term cyberspace. I had a couple of terms on a yellow legal pad–infospace, data space, cyberspace. And cyberspace was the one that just rolled off the tongue. It was like blind neologism. People always want to know how I envisioned the Internet in 1981. I had seen photographs of early prototype personal computers, and when I saw them the first thing I assumed is they would all be connected.

You should have trademarked the term.

For about 10 years I would fight this occasional, semi-public battle with people who wanted to copyright it. My approach was to publicly make fun of them, and that seemed to work. Now it’s in the Oxford English Dictionary. Or so I’m told. I’ve never actually looked it up.

Husband Material? Isn’t Evan Marriott, a.k.a. ‘Joe Millionaire,’ supposed to be agonizing 24/7 over whether to marry the B&D babe or the other one? Yet here he is, sizing up presidential niece Lauren Bush. Down, boy. Bad dog. If the B&D one ends up with him, she’d better keep him tied to the porch.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-09” author: “Ted Stewart”

Suppose someone you didn’t know told you that a pimp from Dubai heard that Gary Condit had told somebody at some Arab embassy that he was trying to get rid of a girlfriend–and that the pimp later heard her body had been dropped from a plane into the ocean. Would you believe it? Though Vanity Fair columnist Dominick Dunne, chronicler of both high-profile murder trials and Dominick Dunne, said he couldn’t vouch for the tale, that didn’t keep him from going on Laura Ingraham’s radio show to share it.

Now Condit is suing Dunne for $11 million, and the tale is being repeated–in Condit’s complaint. He’ll have to prove Dunne’s statements were false and that Dunne had reckless disregard for the truth, says First Amendment lawyer David Schulz. Dunne’s defense will hinge on having some reason to believe the story. (Dunne declined to comment.) It can’t help that Chandra Levy’s body was later found in Rock Creek Park.

The source appears to be animal trainer Monty Roberts, whom his Web site calls “the man who listens to horses.” (That makes Dunne the man who listens to the man who listens to horses.) Roberts also claims to be the horse whisperer on whom Nicholas Evans based his eponymous novel. (Evans wouldn’t comment either.) Because of the lawsuit, Roberts refused to discuss details, but confirmed through an assistant that “there was communication between Dominick Dunne and Monty Roberts.” “Dominick Dunne,” said Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter in a prepared statement, “is a unique journalist with unique talents.” No argument there.

Q&A: Marv Albert

It’s been 40 years since Marv Albert called a New York Knicks game as a fill-in for Marty Glickman. Today, at 59, that kinky 1997 sex scandal (biting, not bondage) long behind him, he may be the busiest and best-known sports broadcaster. Last month he called the Super Bowl on radio; this Sunday, on TNT, he will call his 10th NBA All-Star Game. Albert went one-on-one with NEWSWEEK’s Mark Starr:

After 40 years, do you worry about losing a step?

I think I’ll know if I do. At times my wife wonders how I maintain the energy level. But I just love it so much. When you travel around, people are always coming up and doing a “Yes!” I find it very flattering.

You don’t ever get bored with the job?

Only in the off-air conversations with Mike Fratello. Those are tough.

Which sport is the hardest to broadcast?

Hockey radio play-by-play, which I did for 25 years with the Rangers, is very tough. Even more so now because of the speed and all the players wearing helmets. Baseball isn’t tough, but it’s hard to fill all that time.

How hard is it to bid farewell to Michael Jordan?

You know, if it weren’t Michael Jordan, with the whole aura and image, he could probably play another two years. But it’s obviously not the same Michael Jordan, and I think he knows it’s really time to say goodbye.

What’ll you say when he walks off the last time?

The moment has to be geared by what he does. I remember when he broke down in the locker room after winning the championship, when his father had been killed. You’ve got to let it play out, and put captions on the pictures. If you plan it in advance it’s too formatted. It’s not good.

How about your own last game?

I’ll probably say how fortunate I’ve been to be part of this. When I’m standing on the court before an all-star game or the NBA Finals– you have that little anxiety rush–I always think there is no place on earth I’d rather be.

You won’t go out with one final “Yes!”

That would be too structured. What you hope is that you know it’s your last game.

Bound For Trouble “Joe Millionaire” finalist Sarah Kozer (with “Joe,” left) turns out to have made bondage videos (above), and Fox (which knew all along) must be fit to be tied. Gosh, will anyone tune in?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-13” author: “Sara Saylor”

Suge Knight was arrested–again–last week, and may return to jail for violating the terms of his parole. The man who put the likes of Snoop Dogg on the hip-hop map allegedly hit a valet-parking attendant at an L.A. club; no assault charges have yet been filed, and Knight’s lawyer says his client never hit the man. The California Board of Prison Terms will decide his fate in the next 30 days. He could be sent away for a year.

The 6-foot-3, 300-pound-plus Knight spent nearly five years in jail after police saw a tape of him, along with Tupac Shakur, beating up another man in a Las Vegas hotel in 1996. Shakur was shot dead hours later, while riding in Knight’s car. Just six months ago Knight served 61 days after reportedly gathering 50 gang members to gain access to a 50 Cent video shoot. “He just wanted to let me know that he was still around,” says 50 Cent. “He said he wanted to get a look at the new kid on the block.” Associating with known gang members also violates Knight’s parole.

When Knight got out of jail in 2002, his Death Row label seemed to have a shot at regaining its clout. But it won’t help matters if Knight goes back inside. “The industry is very forgiving,” says one understandably anonymous record exec, “but it seems that Suge hasn’t settled down, and that makes it even harder to do business with him. You can’t ink a million-dollar deal with someone who might be in jail the next day for losing his temper.”

Steven Van Zandt

Touring with Springsteen doesn’t keep guitarist Little Steven from fulfilling his “family” obligations. He’s also got his TV gig, playing consigliere Silvio Dante, and a second boss–Tony Soprano. And don’t forget: his syndicated radio show, “Little Steven’s Underground Garage.” NEWSWEEK’s Andrew Phillips caught up with Van Zandt on a rare day off.

Who’s a tougher boss: Bruce Springsteen or [“Sopranos” creator] David Chase? (Laughs) They’re very similar. You have two guys who have very specific visions and are engaged in every single facet of what they do. And both of them handpicked their cast.

Is it hard always playing the No. 2 man?

No, it’s what I do best. It’s what I prefer. I don’t like being the front guy.

So why a radio show where you’re the front guy?

There’s a contemporary garage-rock movement which I feel very strongly about.

Aren’t you worried those bands will eclipse–how to put this–older bands?

Please! Come, knock us off the stage! I’m trying to encourage bands that will someday replace us. I mean, look at what’s going on. If you look at the last 10 or 15 years, it’s not good.

Between your head scarf and the wig you wear on “The Sopranos,” I’ve never seen your hair.

The real me is the guy with the bandanna. Early in my 20s I was in a bad car accident. My head went through the windshield and the hair never quite grew in properly. It was either go to wigs early on or do this bandanna thing. Luckily, it kind of got accepted. You know, like “He’s just an eccentric rock-and-roll guy.”

“The Sopranos” is in production while you’re on tour. How do you do both?

Can you believe I have not missed a shoot yet? It’s a miracle. I did a shoot in between Canada and Europe. I flew back in the middle of Europe to do a shoot.

So who’s a better dresser? You or Silvio Dante?

Come on, it’s not even close. Little Stevie spends no time or thought on that stuff. Obviously. And Silvio thinks about nothing else.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Desiree Wagner”

Not even the Us Weekly staff saw it coming. All Thursday morning, editor Bonnie Fuller had been working the magic that had turned the magazine around in 16 months (with help from Ben, J. Lo, Ashton and Demi). Then she disappeared to meet with Jann Wenner, head of the company that co-owns Us–and never came back.

Where’d she go? To Hawaii on vacation. After that, to run the editorial side of American Media, owner of such supermarket tabloids as The National Enquirer and The Star. What about that three-year contract Wenner gave her just this spring? She says she never signed it. American Media will give her an equity stake in the company that distributes more than a third of all magazines sold in the United States–as well as the chance to earn considerably more than the million bucks a year she was reportedly earning at Us.

Wenner officially took the defection in stride; he told Us’s staff he’ll name a new editor soon. But like whom? Janice Min, Us’s No. 2, doesn’t have the cachet Wenner craves. Tina Brown’s got the boldface name, but Us would be a giant step down from The New Yorker–even by way of Talk.

American Media hopes Fuller will generate the roaring buzz and soaring sales that made her Ad Age’s 2002 editor of the year. And she might if it can keep her. But so far, she’s only edited Us, Cosmo, Glamour, Marie Claire and YM. That leaves lots of magazines, including… Don’t even think it.

Tyra Banks

She’s strutted the runways in Milan and Paris, faced cameras in Hollywood and graced the arm of NBA all-star Chris Webber. Now Tyra Banks is the creator-producer of “America’s Next Top Model,” the reality show in which 12 hopefuls compete for a modeling-agency contract. Having walked the walk, Banks talked the talk with NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels.

“America’s Top Model” is about women who aren’t trying to win a man.

Right. My inspiration was “American Idol,” because the participants were reaching for something. There are many other things in life to want besides a man.

But the show also exposes some ugly truths about the modeling world. Was that your goal?

Exactly. I wanted the world to see that modeling can be a cutthroat business. It’s filled with pressure to always look a certain way and be a certain way. Yes, it’s a great job, but it has its downsides. I think young girls who want this life deserve to see it from all perspectives so they know what they’re getting into.

Did you experience some of these situations yourself? Like the girls not telling each other when photo shoots were to begin?

Yes, that happened to me. I felt the negative attitudes of other models–older models who didn’t like me and didn’t really want me to succeed. I vowed that I wouldn’t do that to another girl.

How does the show get such a variety of looks? It’s more diverse than most fashion magazines.

[Laughs] Girl, I was in the Beverly Center [an L.A. mall] stopping any black, Latino and Asian girl, asking them did they model and to come to the auditions. I was that serious.

Do you miss modeling yourself?

Well, I still model for Victoria’s Secret, which is cool because they work with my schedule. As far as this gig–I love it. I’ve never had structure before in my life, somewhere to go every morning. I can’t believe what fun I have going to the editing bay and rolling up my sleeves and working nonstop. I definitely could keep doing it–and since UPN picked us up again next season, I guess I will.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-07” author: “Roger Maldonado”

Ladies and gentlemen, get your mute buttons ready. This fall, three of TV’s loudest women will each be starring in two programs. Kelly Ripa, who spends her mornings annoying Regis, will also have an ABC sitcom, “Hope & Faith.” Sharon Osbourne will launch a syndicated talk show while taping “The Osbournes.” And Roseanne (the Bloviator) Barr returns with an ABC reality show called “The Real Roseanne” and a cooking show oddly called “Domestic Goddess.”

Why would anyone do two TV shows simultaneously? Roseanne’s got an honest answer. “I have more money than God,” she says, “but not as much as Oprah.” Osbourne is typically blunt, too: “I’m a show-off.” But Ripa, who just gave birth to her third child, may have the best motivation. “When I’m working, it’s like a vacation,” she says. “As a mom, I literally have no time for myself. At work, there are people there who will get me a cup of coffee.”

Besides, the extra shows give viewers a chance to see these women in a new light. Osbourne swears she won’t cuss on her talk show. Barr wants to remind people what real women are like. “It’s a good thing to show that some people are fat and imperfect.” And Ripa, an “All My Children” alum, wants to get back to acting. Never mind that on “Hope & Faith” she plays a former soap star with a penchant for food fights. “That was actually my first food fight!” she insists. “I know, that’s hard to believe, since I am from New Jersey.”

Q&A: Gary Carter

Gary Carter has always loved the limelight, so this month he’s been in the catbird seat. Carter, 49, longtime catcher for the Mets and the soon-to- relocate Expos, was honorary captain of the National League All-Star team. On July 27, he’ll be inducted, along with the Orioles’ Eddie Murray, into baseball’s Hall of Fame, but first he had to stand in against NEWSWEEK’s Mark Starr.

What did you think of the All-Star game’s determining home-field advantage in the World Series?

The thing I didn’t particularly care for was the slogan “This game counts!” As far as I was concerned, every game I played in counted.

How strange is it that you will likely be the only Hall-of-Famer ever to wear an Expos cap?

Very strange. That’s why there was all that controversy. If Montreal was going to be around, it would be a no-brainer. I’d want to go in as an Expo.

So would you like to see that decision changed?

No. It’s going to stay. But Roger Clemens has come out adamantly saying he wants to go in as a New York Yankee. If the Hall of Fame sticks to their guns, then Roger Clemens needs to go in as a Boston Red Sox.

He says he won’t do the ceremony if that happens.

Maybe he’ll change his tune. But knowing Roger, as prideful as he is, he may get his way.

Do Hall-of-Fame voters undervalue catchers?

Definitely. I don’t know too many sportswriters who ever got behind the plate and caught nine grueling innings.

The media used to criticize you for talking to them too readily. Are we too hard to please?

Well, sometimes yes. But I made sure that when I crossed the white line, I was going to play 110 percent all the time. So there was no way they could say, “Look at him being distracted by the media.”

Does it bother you that you weren’t voted into the Hall until your sixth year of eligibility?

I’ve analyzed it, and there are 256 players in the Hall of Fame and only 59 living Hall-of-Famers. I’m in an elite group. It doesn’t matter if it took me a few more years than somebody else. Duke Snider told me it took him 10 years. Do you think anybody remembers that now?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-22” author: “Patricia Williams”

Baseball’s winners begin the postseason this week, but the losers have the best shot at immortality. Heading into the final Sunday, the Detroit Tigers had lost 119 games, and with one last defeat would equal the ‘62 New York Mets as the losingest team in history.

Those Mets–even worse than this year’s–were the all-time lovable losers: from manager Casey Stengel’s cubist syntax to “Marvelous” Marv Throneberry’s impressionist defense at first base, they elevated ineptitude to a fine art. Yet players on the rookie franchise were lionized by a city lonesome for the National League since the Dodgers and Giants Horace Greeleyed four years earlier. “They never stopped cheering us,” recalls Roger Craig, whose 24 losses made him the ace of the staff. “We couldn’t go out to dinner without some fan picking up the check.”

Detroit, by contrast, doesn’t even find camp value in the no-hit, no-pitch, no-field assemblage that’s the worst of a decade of losing Tiger teams. “Can we let you in on a little secret?” Detroit Free Press columnist Mitch Albom wrote last week. “We don’t care that much. [It’s] a little like telling us the engine on our old clunker just died. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Oddly, Craig now works for the Tigers as a consultant. He feels no nostalgia for his old team’s record for futility, and he’d be delighted to see it broken–if only it weren’t by the Tigers. Still, after working in the major leagues for 35 seasons, he takes the long view. “You never know what is going to happen in this game,” he says. In 1964, the year Craig left the Mets for the Cardinals, he beat the Yankees in a World Series game. And this should offer some hope to today’s Tiger players. They could always get traded.

–Mark Starr

Luciano Pavarotti

After his concert CDs with the likes of Sting and the Spice Girls, it’s surprising only that it took Luciano Pavarotti, 68, until last week to release his first solo album of Italian pop songs, “Ti Adoro”–also his first studio album in 15 years. We almost said he rapped with NEWSWEEK’s Jennifer Ordonez, but we don’t want to give the guy any more ideas.

You have a much younger girlfriend, a baby daughter and now this. Do we have a late midlife crisis here?

Not bad, eh? Totally different. I don’t know, life goes like that.

Are opera fans handling this all right?

I don’t know. I hope. It was at least 20 years that my record company asked me to do this album. I always say, “I don’t want to do pop.” But my daughter came to me with “Caruso” [an Italian pop hit about the legendary tenor’s last days], I heard the song and I decided absolutely to do it. It’s probably one of the greatest songs I’ve ever heard in my life, and I had to use it. I did it with great pleasure.

What do the other Two Tenors think of this?

Well, first they were scandalized and now they do the same. Like when I did publicity for American Express. My friends, they called me to say, “It’s not serious” and so and so, but after, they are trying to do it. I am a challenger. I think I am ahead of all of these things because I am a curious one and I like to try new things. I definitely hope to maintain my old audience as well as the people who do not like opera, but who probably still like my voice. I tried with this album to please everybody–well, to make everybody happy, not to please them.

Sting, the Spice Girls, Jeff Beck playing guitar on the “Caruso” remix–is there anyone else you’re still angling to work with?

I have in mind some others. I asked three of the most important, but for some reason they said no–Madonna, Springsteen and the McCartney. Well, they said yes, but they don’t ever do it.

Maybe they’re intimidated.

Aww, no! They are colossal. I am intimidated by them.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-21” author: “Deborah Restivo”

“Siegfried & Roy” ushered in the trend of big-budget spectacles on the Strip back in 1990, but today’s Vegas is all about prepackaged brands like Cirque du Soleil–so wildly popular that they’re sold out for months even before they open. “A show is not just a show in the age of corporate Las Vegas,” says Vegas4Visitors.com editor Rick Garman. “It’s a gift shop, it’s T shirts, it’s a themed slot machine.” Celine Dion is now the queen of Vegas, and when she takes a break she’ll be spelled by such superstars as Gloria Estefan (in this week’s Q&A) and Elton John, expected to announce later this month that he’ll do 150 shows at her theater for $54 million. Michael Jackson is also giving Vegas a look–and vice versa. As always in Vegas, the acts may come and go, but the sequins remain.

Q&A: Gloria Estefan

Last month Gloria Estefan un-wrapped “Unwrapped,” her first album in six years, which she describes as a “musical picture book of my experiences up to this point.” This week she’s filling in for Celine Dion’s gig in Vegas. All that work just to get to talk to NEWSWEEK’s Vanessa Juarez?

This is a little intimidating. I mean, you’re a diva.

[Laughs] I’m the anti-diva. I am, I am. I even have a T shirt printed that says anti-diva. I find that word kind of funny. To me a diva is really callous, you know, throwing plates around, yanking people’s hair.

You’ve been on hiatus. Is this you “coming out of”… not necessarily “the dark,” but–

The shadows. [Laughs] The main reason was my daughter. I was set to go out on tour in 2000 and she was set to start preschool. I thought, “Oh, boy, if I take her on the road, by the time she gets back into school she’ll be coming in the odd one out.” So I go, “Do I really want this for her? Do I really want this for me? I’ve worked really hard and I’m going to take the time.” I took her to school every day, I sat in tae kwon do classes and she would watch me through the mirror to make sure I was watching every move. I enjoyed so much being a mommy.

Your son, Nayib, who directed the DVD that comes with your album, is 23 and handsome. Is he single?

You looking?

Yeah, could you put a good word in for me?

[Laughs] Definitely.

Would you do a show in Cuba?

In a free Cuba, most definitely. That is the one dream really, professionally. Hopefully I won’t be too old to do it. [Laughs] Hopefully I won’t be in a wheelchair, wheeling around the streets of Havana. Who knows with this guy? Not in a communist Cuba, because first of all, they wouldn’t let me in.

Last night I was listening to “Unwrapped.” I fell asleep and I think I dreamt about you singing, and then in the morning, I turned on the “Today” show and they were playing “Turn the Beat Around,” and I was like–

“Oh, my God, I’m being bombarded”? You’re on Gloria overload. Chill out.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Cara Woods”

We all have bad nights–read the police report in any small-town paper–but when you’re Courtney Love, you make headlines, even when there’s not much underneath them.

Last Thursday around 2:30 a.m., the LAPD got a call reporting that Love, 39, was breaking windows in the house of her ex-boyfriend/ex-manager Jim Barber. They found her in the street, arrested her and brought in a drug-recognition expert, who thought she was “under the influence of a controlled substance.” A police spokeswoman said Love admitted breaking windows; they released her on $2,500 bail at about 5:30 a.m. A short while later, police in Beverly Hills brought a woman identified as Love to the hospital, where she was treated for what authorities called a “medical emergency.”

NEWSWEEK called Love’s publicist, who said a statement was being prepared. But as we went to press, there was still no statement: the publicist said Love wasn’t answering e-mails.

We already know Love’s history with drugs, and the episode last February, when a flight attendant claimed Love was “verbally abusive” and she was detained for 12 hours in London. Maybe we’ll get the rest of this latest story when she goes before a judge. But haven’t we read it all before?

–Jennifer Ordonez and Jac Chebatoris

LUDACRIS

Ludacris sold 7 million albums, starred in “2 Fast, 2 Furious” and was Pepsi’s spokesman until conservative gasbag Bill O’Reilly complained the rapper was too lewd to shill the all-American beverage, and the company dropped him. But he’ll be fine. He’s got a shoe line (The Hood), nibbles from Hollywood and a new CD, “Chicken-N-Beer.” The Southern-fried MC raps with NEWSWEEK’s Lorraine Ali about poultry, women and being a Friend of Bill.

Does it hurt “Chicken-N-Beer” is one of the first CDs at Universal’s new, please-don’t-download price of S12.98?

Ah, hell no. It’s great for the consumer. Anything that keeps people motivated, especially the way the economy is today.

But considering the amount of work you put in, what should it really be selling for?

If it was up to me, my album would be fifty bucks a pop.

It took you a long time–it’s been two years since your last album.

I worked hard between records! I did the “Rush Hour II” soundtrack, collaborated with Missy Elliot, acted in “2 Furious.” Rap is competitive. You gotta keep yourself out there or people forget about you.

What’s the craziest line on your new CD?

Well, I’ll tell you one of the best: “I own so many jerseys I’m a throwback mess/I hit the cleaners and tell’em I want a full-court press.”

On the song “Blow It Out Your A–,” you dedicate some lines to your friend at Fox.

Yeah, I say, “Shout out to Bill O’Reilly, I’ma throw you a curve./You mad ‘cause I’m a thief and got a way with words. I’ma start my own beverage, it’ll calm your nerves.”

Bill should love the cover–you’re biting into a woman’s leg over a platter of fried chicken.

I wanted people to take a second look at it. In the record store, there’s a lot of different covers, but this one’s gonna catch your eye. Also, it’s symbolic–there’s a leg on a chicken and a leg on a woman, you know?

So, symbolically, you’re saying you’re a leg man?

You can say I’m a leg, thigh or breast man. I’m a ladies’ man. Period.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-13” author: “Mary Bebee”

At this point, Venus Williams is used to being overshadowed by her younger sister, Serena, but at least for this week’s Wimbledon she’ll be better dressed. Venus, in conjunction with her sponsor Reebok, will debut a line of women’s tenniswear that she helped design with fashion icon Diane von Furstenberg. “Dressing Venus was a joy,” says von Furstenberg, “because she radiates power, elegance and beauty.’’ Williams says working with von Furstenberg was “like a dream come true.”

This isn’t just a celebrity athlete talking up a business partner. Williams has been interested in fashion and design–“anything that requires creative flair”–for years. She owns an interior-design company and takes fashion classes at a local college in Florida; she and von Furstenberg actually passed sketches back and forth.

Venus’s style has been more staid than her sister’s (remember Serena’s supertight cat suit?), but she’ll hit the court at Wimbledon in a white corset-style dress with an ultralow back. “We thought about the sizzle factor,” says Jan Sharkansky, marketing director for women at Reebok, “so we sent the sketch to the Women’s Tennis Association first. We just wanted to be sure there would no be surprises.’’

Q&A: Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt–you know, that good-looking guy who’s married to Jennifer Aniston–has played a hitchhiking thief, a vampire and even Death himself. So it’s hardly a stretch for him to be doing the voice of a pirate in the forthcoming animated “Sinbad, Legend of the Seven Seas.” He had a sometimes salty exchange with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

Why did you decide to be a cartoon voice?

I’ve got these little nieces and nephews who are absolutely addicting. It made me want to do something for them.

Did you do any research for this part?

Not a thing.

Did you get approval for your action figure?

Not a bit.

So you don’t care how it looks?

[Laughs] Nope.

Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were little?

I was a Jonny Quest fanatic. I thought he was pretty bada–.

Catherine Zeta-Jones plays a cartoon hottie in “Sinbad.” When you were younger did you think any cartoon girls were hot?

Ooh, good question. I’m going to have to think about that one for a second. Go on to the next question.

OK, but this may be tough, too. Do you ever look in the mirror in the morning and think, “Hey, I’m pretty good looking”?

[Laughs] Oh, shut the f– up. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I’m probably vain about once every two or three months.

What are you most vain about?

I just feel like it’s all put together all right.

Does the constant scrutiny of your marriage in the press bug you ever?

It used to when I was younger. Now I don’t give a s–t. I tell you, they’re always inaccurate. So now it just becomes which piece is the biggest joke, really.

So now you have to think of a cartoon girl that you thought was hot. Wonder Woman?

Nah, overdone. I’m going to have to go with Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Good answer.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-12” author: “David Riblett”

“Ben’s been getting a little tired of all the attention and the reaction to all the attention,” says an understandably nameless–and of course perfectly disinterested–source from the Lopez camp. “At the beginning, it was cool and didn’t really bother him, but now he thinks it’s negative for the both of them.” Well, can’t have that. Worse yet, Ben’s friends are backing away. “Matt [Damon] is in no way as close as he used to be,” says this source. That Jezebel!

With the two movies the couple made together en route to theaters, J. Lo now needs a more likable persona. And she may have another agenda. Sources say she was miffed when the ex-publicist, Alan Nierob, recently began repping rival bootylicious diva Beyonce Knowles. “She’s worried, and for good reason,” says a Hollywood talent agent. “Beyonce is younger and much more pleasant to deal with.” J. Lo can’t change her age, but how about an attitude transplant?

Allison Samuels

Q&A: Prince Albert

Prince Albert recently visited Manhattan for an event called “Monaco Takes New York,” a festival promoting his tiny principality–and the idea that it offers more than craps tables and roulette wheels. He bestowed his telephonic presence upon NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

When you gamble back home they let you lose?

I can’t gamble in Monaco. Monaco citizens are not allowed to gamble in their own country.

You mean they would actually kick you out?

They wouldn’t kick me out, but they’d come up to me and say, “Prince Albert, I think you’re forgetting something.”

You’re head of Monaco’s U.N. delegation. Is it hard to stay awake during meetings of the General Assemby?

[Laughs] Not usually. Obviously there are some speeches that drag on, but you have side meetings, so you don’t get stuck in the hall for the whole time.

Your mother, the former Grace Kelly, was so beautiful and stylish. Is there anyone in Hollywood today who reminds you of her?

There are some beautiful ladies out there. If you look at the younger generation, you would think of someone like Julia Roberts or Gwyneth Paltrow. But obviously my mother created a style of her own, and it’s incredible to see how people still remember her that way.

You played soccer, were on Monaco’s Olympic bobsled team and have a black belt in judo. In an arm-wrestling contest between you and Prince Charles, who’s going to win?

[Laughs] I think maybe overall I have a little edge on him, but I don’t want to rule him out.

Does your family give you grief for being single?

It comes more from outside of the family. They’ve sort of gotten used to the idea. They don’t pressure me anymore, though I know it’s in the back of their minds.

It’s a pity you’re not Jewish because I could hook you up with some fabulous girls.

[Laughs] I’m sure.

How many times have people asked you if you have Prince Albert in a can?

I’d say more than both our toes and fingers put together. And probably more.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-21” author: “Michell Miller”

Jerry Springer says his mother would be proud: “I finally got some culture.” Not only has daytime TV’s sleazemeister become a real, legit movie actor, but he’s also the subject of a real, legit opera. At London’s National Theatre, yet. What next? “Being a male dancer,” Springer says. A month ago we would’ve thought he was kidding.

The movie, director Philippe Martinez’s “Citizen Verdict,” premiered at this spring’s Cannes Film Festival. Springer plays a reality-TV producer–“a very evil man,” he explains–whose show has audiences vote criminals innocent or guilty, and then watch the executions. “It was a great stretch,” he says. With any luck–of whichever kind–stateside audiences will see it later this year.

Meanwhile, in London, “Jerry Springer: The Opera” is a smash sellout. Creators Richard Thomas and Stewart Lee have done a pop-culture reinvention of a genre that’s always been characterized by over-the-top passion. “Opera has stabbings,” Springer writes in the program. “We have the Throwing of the Chair.” One aria goes: “This is my Jerry Springer moment / I don’t want this moment to die / So dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians…”

Springer says his own favorite moment comes when his onstage self (Michael Brandon) gets sent to perdition–despite his pleas that it would be “a sideways move”–and forced to host a show featuring God, Satan, Adam and Eve. Isn’t that a hell of a note?

Q&A: Harvey Fierstein

With back-to-back wins at the Drama Desk and Drama League, Harvey Fierstein is favored to win a Tony this week for “Hairspray’s” gender-bent Edna Turnblad. He and NEWSWEEK’s Kate Stroup share some girl talk.

H.F.: Are you going to let me ask the questions, and you give the answers?

K.S.: But I have some really swell questions, and not a single worthwhile answer.

Cookie, if I had anything worth saying, do you think I’d be an actor?

All year long, you were a lock for best actor in a musical. Now along comes Antonio Banderas.

Competition’s not what motivates me. At the Drama Desk, Antonio and I tied, so we were both up onstage. I just picked him up, thanked the audience and walked off. Yeah, and I licked my fingers after I put him down.

Do you think tourists are surprised that the show’s about racial equality, not dancing?

I don’t think anybody walks into that show thinking it’s going to be about integration. But they don’t walk out feeling preached to.

Aren’t you tired of hearing Edna called as a drag role? She’s a woman, no matter who’s playing her.

Exactly. I’m playing someone I’m so obviously not. It’s more fun for the audience and more subversive for us, getting the audience to fall in love with a woman played by a man.

So are you ready to turn in your padded bra?

Well, my contract’s up. But I’m old enough to know that great roles don’t come around that often. I just hope the producers realize “Gee, we’ve got nobody to replace Harvey.” Cause I ain’t done yet. I ain’t close to done.

But don’t you miss your eyebrows?

God, yes! You don’t realize how important eyebrows are until you don’t have them. And I shaved off my arm, leg and chest hair, too.

You’re a shaver? Not a waxer?

I tried waxing. I went to an expensive spa, but it was dirty. I ended up with a staph infection.

Hey, that’s the price you pay for beauty. The patriarchy’s a bitch, isn’t it?

Honey, I’ve suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous womanhood. Being a gay man just doesn’t prepare you for it.

Is It Good For The Martians?

Last week, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown dropped in on Ariel Sharon to say hi. As in, hello. Houston also bathed in the Jordan, prayed at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher and schmoozed with the Black Hebrews, Americans claiming descent from a lost tribe of Israel. Speaking of lost… Bobby?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Albert Wood”

Sandra bullock has no intention of lunching on Julia Roberts’s leftovers. Two weeks ago Roberts signed with Bullock’s agency, CAA, and now Bullock may leave, apparently worried the agency will throw the best scripts to its newest pretty woman. While Bullock’s publicist, Pat Kingsley, denied it (“It is flatly untrue that she’s leaving CAA or plans to,” she said), the “Speed” star met with Roberts’s former agency, ICM, last Friday, after meeting with two other agencies earlier in the week. Hollywood gossips buzzed that this could be the start of big problems for CAA. The top agency reps almost every other A-list actress, including Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellweger, Cameron Diaz, Julianne Moore and Gwyneth Paltrow. Might some of these other thoroughbreds consider bolting from the stable, too?

The truth is, that’s not likely. Zellweger supposedly received calls from other agencies but refused to meet with them. Gossip circulated that Kidman was peeved by Roberts’s arrival, but she, too, is staying put. Why? It’s improbable that these actresses would all compete for the same movie, given scheduling conflicts, salary differences and varied career aspirations. What’s more, three of them–Kidman, Moore and Zellweger–are all represented by CAA agent Kevin Huvane, and under his guidance, their careers have soared. Despite the fear that Roberts will suck up all the sweet projects and leave the other babes bitter, having the $25 million-a-movie queen in their midst may prove more boon than bane. Roberts can’t make all the good scripts–which could mean even more prime choices for the other leading ladies. Leftovers, maybe, but hardly meatloaf.

Sean M. Smith

Q&A: Ricky Martin

Ricky Martin has been missing in action since his days of living la vida loca. But the suave Puerto Rican has a new album–his first in Spanish since 1998–called “Almas Del Silencio” (Souls of Silence). Martin bared his soul to NEWSWEEK’s Vanessa Juarez.

Why a Spanish album now?

I never said I was going to stop recording in Spanish. That would be like denying who I am. I was about to release an album in English but then I thought, “Hold on, I need to go back to step one.” For me, step one is Spanish.

Do you realize you started a Latin explosion?

I never thought of an explosion. I was just enjoying what I was doing. After that, a lot of people came. Look at Shakira, she’s done amazing. And Jennifer Lopez, she’s a diva, mama.

What else have you been up to?

I spent some time in India and became part of a foundation called Sabera. Philanthropy is very important to me. The thing is, since we live in a first-world country, we say, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t care, that’s their reality, not ours.” No, man, don’t be so narrow-minded, dude, their reality is affecting us as well.

Hey, did you ever eat menudo–the chile, hominy and tripe soup?

No.

It’s pretty disgusting.

[Laughs] No, I never did. I think that’s from Mexico. Let me tell you, in Puerto Rico, they have all the crazy things, too–very fattening but oh so tasty.

So you go home and get babied by your family?

I mean, when you spend three, four months on the road, it’s the healthiest thing. I’m a mama’s boy and proud of it.

How do you feel about Americans being so obsessed with pampering themselves?

I hear you–they love taking care of themselves, the gym, eating healthy. Then again, that’s not American at all–there’s the pizzas, the french fries [laughs]. After everything we go through in life, we have to take care of ourselves. The most important thing is not to feel judged. If you want to wear 20 pounds of makeup, be my guest. To each his own.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-02-01” author: “Donald Price”

Luther Vandross’s 15th album, “Dance With My Father,” is already gold with a million copies presold–and it doesn’t even hit stores until Tuesday. But the achievement is bittersweet: the 52-year-old R&B crooner is still in the intensive-care unit of a New York hospital, in a state of semiconsciousness, two months after suffering a massive stroke.

His good friends Aretha Franklin and Cissy Houston (Whitney’s mom) each held candlelight vigils for him, and Vandross’s nieces have filled his hospital room with some of his favorite music–by Dionne Warwick and the Shirelles. “I hold his hand and pray with him,’’ says his mother, Mary Vandross. “Right after the stroke, he was in grave danger; it was very touch and go. But I feel that it is just a matter of time before he improves. I believe there is nothing too hard for God.’’

Last week the singer gave his family a glimmer of hope when he opened his eyes and appeared to recognize faces for the first time since the stroke. But doctors still don’t know his chances for recovery, and they’ve had to deal with a number of complications, from his blood pressure to his diabetes. He’s also battled pneumonia, which required a tracheotomy.

Vandross, who’d been planning a tour for his new album, was particularly proud of the wrenching title track, written in honor of his late father. That’s one reason his mother insisted that J Records release the album as planned. “We didn’t really know what to do,’’ said a spokesperson for the label. “But she knew what this album meant to him and wanted it to be out when he awoke.’’ This week Queen Latifah, Eve and Beyonce Knowles (who joins Vandross on the album in a killer cover of “The Closer I Get to You”) will host the record’s launch in Chicago. But without the soulful star of “Here and Now” there and then, it’s likely to be a poignant party.

–Allison Samuels

Matthew Perry

On hiatus from “Friends,” Matthew Perry is making his stage debut in London, playing a snide seducer in David Mamet’s “Sexual Perversity in Chicago.” The show’s a surprise hit, proving that the Brits adore Chandler Bing almost as much as they do Prince William. NEWSWEEK’s Sean Smith chatted on the phone with Perry backstage at Comedy Theatre just before curtain.

You just broke the record for advance-ticket sales in London theater history. How’d that happen?

That is just insane. I had no real idea of the success. I was just trying to learn my lines and not vomit in the wings.

In fact, you broke the record set by Dame Judi Dench and Dame Maggie Smith in “Breath of Life.” You kicked the asses of two of the greatest lights in British theater!

Yeah! Last night they showed up, and I did that literally. When you’re fighting Judi Dench, you gotta go to the body.

“Friends” is huge there. So is the play a hit because you’re in it–or will Brits see anything with “sexual perversity” in the title?

[Laughs] I think people will see anything with me and “sexual perversity” in the title. You know, the play is a brutal look at relationships. It’s a very raunchy, chaotic view, which is startling to some London audiences.

It’s been almost 30 years since Mamet wrote this play. In your experience, have relationships between men and women changed much?

Well, my character isn’t allowed to go up to women and say, “Hi, I’m on ‘Friends.’ Wanna go out?” So that makes it, uh, harder.

Speaking of “Friends,” this year will be your last season. Are you ready to let it go?

It’s definitely going to be sad. But I think it’s time to be done. When the universe shuts a door, another one opens somewhere, and it’s your job to find where that is. One of the wonderful things about this experience is that I’ve realized I love acting on the stage.

So Dames Dench and Smith should be worried. Is there anything they could beat you at?

[Laughs] They’re absolutely brilliant. I could beat them at tennis, maybe, and that’s it.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-17” author: “Evelyn Calahan”

Sure, it’s Nicole Kidman’s year. But that may not be enough to save Lars von Trier’s “Dogville” from the dogs. The avant-garde Danish filmmaker (“Breaking the Waves”) had yet to find a U.S. distributor for the new Kidman flick before its premiere at the Cannes Film Festival this week. Bad sign, given that von Trier is a Cannes darling–and “Dogville” is first in a trilogy (what’s next, “Kitty City”?). Maybe the problem’s not that “Dogville” is a bowwow, but that it paints such an ugly picture of America: Kidman plays a stranger abused by the locals in small-town U.S.A. Von Trier refused to show the film early to American buyers, allowing only a few French critics into the screening room. What did those critics think? “Morally and politically violent, sacrilegious and extremely anti-American,” one told NEWSWEEK. “Nicole is sublime.”

Less sublime was the fury of the 1,300 members of the press at Cannes when Kidman granted only a few TV interviews during her two-day whirlwind, a trip costing von Trier’s production company an estimated $500,000 (practically the budget for one of his films). But maybe Nicole’s earned a half-million-dollar trip to the Riviera, given von Trier’s reputation for putting his actresses through hell. (After “Dancer in the Dark,” Bjork swore she’d never act again.)

By holding back “Dogville” until the public screening, some speculated that von Trier hoped to launch a bidding war. “Are you kidding?” snorted a top Hollywood independent distributor. “It’s three hours long, it’s shot like a play and it’s filmed digitally.” But it’s got Nicole! “Julia Roberts was in ‘Full Frontal’ and it only made a million dollars. I rest my case.”

PENELOPE CRUZ

All lenses were trained on Penelope Cruz as she climbed the red-carpeted steps, glamorous in black Dior couture and gobs of jade, for the premiere of her new film, “Fanfan la Tulipe,” on the opening night of the Cannes Film Festival. Cruz gave the paparazzi a taste of their own medicine, snapping a quick shot of the scene before disappearing into the Palais des Festivals. NEWSWEEK’s Dana Thomas caught up with her later to discuss the glare of celebrity.

When you first came to Cannes four years ago for Almodovar’s “All About My Mother,” you were unknown outside Spain. How is it to return and be the star on opening night?

I always compare Cannes to a Fellini movie.

Do you feel that you’ve lost your privacy?

I do have my privacy. You have to fight for it, but you can have it. I don’t read gossip; I’m not part of that game. To me, what’s important is my family and things outside of my job. Where would I be without them?

Where’s Tom?

He couldn’t make it. He’s working. [Cruise is in New Zealand filming “The Last Samurai.”]

What’s it like to see all those screaming fans?

I want to be the person observing, not only the one being observed. I like to see what’s happening, too! That’s why I photographed the crowd.

What do you do with your pictures?

For seven years I’ve been taking pictures. Some of them have been published for the first time in Interview magazine, of Salma Hayek. I had a lot of fun photographing her because we are both very bossy. But I had to give the orders: “Today you have to do what I say.”

How else are you bossy?

I’m very stubborn. I was born like that. I was born upside down with the cord around my neck. Protesting, you know? My mother always tells me about that. I have very strong opinions about everything. I’m a Taurus. It’s one of my qualities, and sometimes it can become my worst enemy.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-30” author: “Joyce Kellogg”

Jordan had a rocky time with the Wizards. He never helped them to the playoffs, and he openly criticized the very players he’d handpicked. “Most of the real new guys like Kwame [Brown] just melted because of the way Michael raked us out,” says one Wizard. “The rest of us just passed him the ball and got out of his way. Him going upstairs wasn’t going to make that much difference–he’d have found a way to f— with us from there.”

Jordan’s friend Charles Barkley, the NBA star turned announcer, admits Jordan mishandled players, particularly Brown. “He was way too hard on that kid. But M. didn’t deserve this.” And Lakers coach Phil Jackson, who coached him in Chicago, points out that Jordan turned the team around financially (from $40 million in the red to $30 million in the black). “Obviously, I don’t know the entire situation,” Jackson says, “but it seems like a raw deal. He put people in the seats at the MCI Center, and that’s no small feat.”

But it wasn’t enough for Pollin, or Wizards president Susan O’Malley. “They butted heads,” says a longtime Jordan friend. “And Michael didn’t back down. Which might not have been the best way to play the game. Who Michael is or was didn’t matter to them.” The Jordan camp believes Wizards management leaked information for a damaging story that appeared in The New York Times–reporting, among other things, that his teammates refused to chip in for a going-away gift. Neither the Wizards nor Jordan would comment.

So what now? Jordan might hook up with the new Charlotte expansion team–please, not as a player–owned by his friend Robert Johnson, founder of Black Entertainment Television. But would you hire a guy whose last colleagues wouldn’t buy him so much as a set of golf clubs, even after he engineered a $70 million turn-around? Then again, how could you not–if only so you can tell the stories afterward?

The Years of Living Airily

A quick tour of Jordan’s brilliant (and bewildering) career

1985: Named Rookie of the Year after averaging 28.2 points per game with the Chicago Bulls

1988: Wins the first of five NBA MVP awards, averaging a career-high 35 points per game

1993-95: Misses most of two seasons playing baseball with Chicago White Sox farm team

1998: Hits winning shot in final seconds of final Bulls game to take home another championship–and retires

2000: Becomes president of basketball operations with the Washington Wizards

2001: Resumes playing with the Wizards; despite injuries, averages 22.9 points per game

2003: Retires for the last time without helping the Wizards to the playoffs–and is dismissed from his executive position

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-02” author: “Dorothy Clement”

Is there a corner of pop culture that hasn’t been infiltrated by “American Idol”? Those sometimes-talented teens and twentysomethings are taking over TV–the show’s still near the top of the Nielsens–and record stores, and moving in on concert halls and multiplexes. It’s a little scary.

Last week, Kelly Clarkson, winner of season one’s competition–saw her debut CD, “Thankful,” sell nearly 300,000 copies. “God Bless the U.S.A.,” a flag-waver by a group of season-two finalists, was a top-selling single. A compilation CD from the second season hits stores this week. Next month we get the two-hour special finale. Coming up: CDs by season-one runners-up Justin Guarini and Tamyra Gray, a 39-city tour by current finalists and a movie with Clarkson and Guarini, called (brace yourself for a sugar rush) “From Justin to Kelly.”

If all this seems to have an “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” quality, listen to Randy Jackson, who’s–how to say this?–the least high-maintenance of the show’s three judges. “This gives me hope for music, and for its survival,” Jackson says. “It could be the start of a music business where it’s based on talent, like it was in the ’60s and ’70s.” Spoken like a man who’s never heard the Monkees, but he does have a point. “Every week America votes,” he continues, “and they don’t pick some beefcake guy who just sings OK.”

And sure enough: it’s looking as if the two finalists this season will be Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard, neither of whom–again, how to say this?–would win a Brad Pitt look-alike contest. “America is saying they want the best people to win,” Jackson concludes. “We don’t care if they’re fat, skinny, cute, whatever-whatever.” Whatever-whatever–we hear that.

JIM BOUTON

Jim Bouton’s 1970 book “Ball Four” made the former Yankee pitcher a pariah to the pooh-bahs and a counterculture hero. Bouton, 64, is about to publish “Foul Ball,” about his battle to preserve a historic ballpark in Pittsfield, Mass. He touched base with NEWSWEEK’s Mark Starr.

In hot water with the establishment again, huh?

I didn’t try to be. We actually went to the establishment, the guys who want a new stadium, and said, “Here’s a better idea: a locally owned team in a renovated, historic ballpark. Save your $18.5 million. Build something we actually need, like a civic center.”

Why should anybody outside of Pittsfield care?

It’s a battle that’s raging all over the country. I call it America’s most costly hostage crisis: “Build us a stadium or you’ll never see your team again.” This has resulted in 113 new minor-league ballparks. And the fight goes on in major-league cities, too–like New York.

What did you make of the Hall of Fame’s giving Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon the boot?

This country seems divided almost the same way it was when “Ball Four” came out–that same “Are you for us or against us?” mentality.

Back then, baseball was the center of our sports culture. Do you despair about where it fits now?

I despair about the presentation of the game. I don’t like the home-run thing, the glitz and the noise. What you experience when you walk into a major-league ballpark now is very similar to what you experience at a rock concert or a professional wrestling match.

Is this just a question of taste?

I also think it’s a marketing mistake. When you can’t distinguish your product from other types of entertainment, people will say, “What do we need that for?” The owners seem to have no respect for the game. They’re saying, “Don’t bother watching batting practice or listening to the ball hit the bat. Look up at this big TV screen and watch us do silly games, promotions and advertisements.” The beauty and subtlety of the game is now lost.

Forever?

It seems like it.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-20” author: “Maria Taylor”

Just eight months ago, “The West Wing” won a record third straight Emmy for best drama. Last week it set a record of another kind: fastest plummet from prime-time powerhouse to just another show in turmoil. Amid sinking ratings and complaints from NBC brass about ballooning costs, creator Aaron Sorkin announced that he was quitting. (Also departing: Emmy-winning director Thomas Schlamme.) Regime change in Iraq took longer than this.

Sorkin was controversial–less for his 2001 drug bust or his antiwar statements than for his insistence on writing the show virtually single handedly, leading to costly production delays. In April, NBC put him on notice that this had to stop. Inquiring minds wonder if Sorkin was forced out, but both sides insist the decision was his. “I’m amazed he stayed so long,” says former “West Wing” staffer Lawrence O’Donnell Jr. “His job was indescribably difficult. It was the equivalent of writing 10 great movies a year.” And for chump change. Sorkin’s devotion to the series, one source notes, kept him from writing films or developing new shows–where the real bucks are.

Given how heavily “The West Wing” depended on Sorkin–he wrote 87 of the 88 episodes to date–it’s fair to wonder if the show can survive without him. Co-executive producer John Wells (who also heads up “E.R.”) will take a more active role, but industry vets are already cringing over the futility of following Sorkin. “If they came to me with that job,” says Marti Noxon, executive producer of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “I’d say, ‘Uh, no thank you’.”

–Devin Gordon and Sean Smith

Nigella Lawson

She could pass for the love child of Wolfgang Puck and Sophia Loren–if it weren’t for that British accent. Last week television’s domestic goddess launched a new season of cooking shows, “Forever Summer With Nigella,” and published her fourth book, also called “Forever Summer.” Lawson chewed the fat with NEWSWEEK’s Jac Chebatoris.

You’re not trained as a chef. Doesn’t that make you an easy target for critics?

I have friends who are great chefs, and they love what I do because there isn’t a great chef who hasn’t got fond memories of home cooking. They know I’m not trying to do the same thing that they are. It’s the wanna-be great chefs that feel threatened.

One thing women seem to love about you is that you obviously eat.

I’d be lying if I said there aren’t times when I’m deeply insecure about walking into a room if I know there are going to be a lot of thin women there. If you eat less and exercise more, you will get thin, but I just accept that it’s too high a price for me.

Is there any food you won’t eat?

I don’t like green peppers.

Me either!

They’re underripe, they make you ill.

They’re horrible!

There’s no pleasure to be got by eating them. They haven’t got a nice taste. I don’t like cooked carrots much either.

What’s the most exotic thing you’ve eaten?

I’ve eaten ostrich once. I didn’t like it much. It’s illogical, my eating one animal and not the other. But there are times that I worry–because I love eating the bones–and sometimes I could be gnawing a bone and I suddenly feel, “Ooh, that tasted a bit too animal.”

I have to confess. I just cook everything on high.

That’s what I do. Nobody will stay in the kitchen with me, I live so dangerously. It’s like when I wash up–I stack. You know that one thing could go and everything would be ruined. It’s sort of pathetic, really, when your idea of living dangerously is how you stack your dishes or how high your flames are.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-30” author: “Julia Daniels”

It’s a measure of Matt Damon’s and Ben Affleck’s celebrity that these best-friends-4-ever can make news without doing anything. The hottest play in New York now is an off-off-off Broadway production called “Matt & Ben,” a spoof set in 1995, when they were struggling actors living in Boston. They’re played by actresses (yep: co-playwrights Brenda Withers and Mindy Kaling) who bear little resemblance to the guys but do bang-up impersonations. The show has already drawn a few big names–Nicole Kidman, Steve Martin–though not a peep from the real Matt and Ben. A spokesman for the play notes that Matt’s in Europe and Ben… well, has other stuff on his mind.

Onstage, the script for “Good Will Hunting” literally falls from the ceiling, touching off an hourlong existential crisis. Matt thinks it’s a blessing; Ben thinks it’s a curse. (And how right they are!) Withers, who’s very tall, plays Matt, the short one; Kaling, who’s very short, plays Ben, the tall one. Another incongruity: onstage, Ben slugs Matt and knocks him out; in reality, the scrappy Damon would surely beat the tar out of the Sexiest Man Alive. Best gag: Affleck, pining for stardom, fantasizes about a certain Latina: “I’m gonna meet Daisy Fuentes!”

–Devin Gordon

Sarah Jessica Parker

Beyond saying that she’s up for an Emmy this month, Sarah Jessica Parker really needs no introduction, and there it was. She dished with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

On a scale of one to 10, how much of a lie is it when an actor says that it’s an honor just to be nominated?

Well, one must speak only for oneself. In my particular case it’s not a lie because I’ve never won one.

On a scale of one to 10, how hard is it to look happy when you lose?

Oh, losing is so much easier than people think. Losing is over in a second. The hardest part is convincing all the people that love you that you are all right.

What will you miss most when “Sex and the City” is over? Hanging out with the girls, or the free clothes?

Oh my God. I’m going to miss hanging out with the girls. Luckily it’s a city filled with clothes.

There’s a fire at your home, God forbid, and you can save only one pair of shoes. Manolos or Jimmy Choos?

I don’t wear Jimmy Choos. I only ever wear Manolos.

OK. A pair of Manolos or a Kelly bag?

Oh, well, that’s like “Sophie’s Choice.” That’s an impossible situation.

OK. All the shoes or the dog?

The dog. Jesus Christ! Do I appear to be a terribly superficial person, with all these questions about clothes? I have deeper thoughts than what I might put on that day. I’m not my character. I don’t want people to think I spend the better part of the day deciding where to shop.

It’s only because I read that Matthew gave you a Kelly bag.

He did and I love it. Why don’t we assume the dog is safely out of the house and then I can have it all?

That’s it! I feel like I wasn’t very good at this.

Oh, no, that “Sophie’s Choice” comment was just perfect.

Oh, OK. Thank you so much. Be well.

Photo: Who’s the Overexposedest of Us All? So weird. We were just thinking about J. Lo when we got an early peek at W magazine’s October issue. In the story she says, “if you’re in the paper every damn day, people are like, ‘Who cares?’ " But she wanted to talk about her new fragrance, and how “genius” that “turkey time” line was actually. And somehow those tricky devils managed to get her onto the subject of Ben.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-31” author: “Tom Mckenzie”

If your kid won’t do his homework, this’ll really depress you. A Montana teen has not only written a 528-page fantasy novel, but the book, “Eragon,” has debuted at No. 3 on The New York Times best-seller list, ahead of every “Harry Potter” except the latest. “It’s extraordinary!” says Christopher Paolini. “I mean, good grief, I’m only 19!”

Home-schooled in Paradise Valley, Paolini earned his GED at 15 and began the first part of his Tolkienesque “Inheritance” trilogy, about a 16-year-old boy and a mysterious blue stone that hatches a dragon, a journey of self-discovery and an epic battle between good and evil. His parents, who run a small publishing company, printed it, Paolini did the cover art, and he began hawking “Eragon” in regional schools and bookstores. “I even did a signing in a grocery store,” he says.

The book fell into the hands of Carl Hiaasen, who gave it to his editor at Knopf, which won a bidding war; Paolini walked away with a $500,000 advance for all three books. (He’s now at work on the second.) And, believe it or not, he isn’t buying a BMW. He’s not even moving out of his parents’ house. “There’s a simple rule I learned about money early on,” he says, laughing. “If you spend it, you don’t have it.” But one perk of stardom isn’t costing him a dime: now on a 15-city tour, he’s discovering that there are “a lot of female readers of the book.” So far, though, Paolini’s keeping it all in perspective. “You have to learn to deal with a lot of attention,” he says. “But even if nothing more happens, it’ll be a great story to tell my kids.”

Q&A: Sharon Stone

Since Sharon Stone’s last film, a Komodo dragon bit her husband’s foot, and she had a very public divorce and a brain hemorrhage. After all that–and with a new film, “Cold Creek Manor,” to promote–talking to NEWSWEEK’s B. J. Sigesmund was all in a day’s work.

Let’s start with easy stuff before we get…

… To the real tough questions, like how I feel about dating?

You must get that a lot.

Not from anyone who actually wants a date.

Speaking of which–not to kiss up to you at all–you’re aging so beautifully.

I’ve gotten bonier. I get more and more cheekbones, and I just keep getting skinnier. And that’s been my good luck. My parents are very young-looking people. They’re gorgeous, and they’re in their 70s. Have you ever seen my folks? You probably can on the Internet.

You were on “GMA,” “The View,” then “Letterman.” What’s it like being back on the PR circuit?

I have to say, it feels very different. Before, it was like I spent my life hanging on to a rocket. And now I’ve mellowed, and I have the ability to say, “I’d like to talk about this, and I’d really rather not talk about that.” I also don’t feel like if I don’t do everything, it will all go away.

When you had that brain hemorrhage two years ago, did you really have a white-light experience?

I really did. I asked the doctor if I was going to die, and he didn’t answer. I started praying for my son. And then it just happened. I don’t know how long I was in that experience. It’s not exactly like seeing a light as much as a feeling of being drawn to it and being inside of it.

You’re about to be on “The Practice.”

Yes. I love the kind of writing David E. Kelley does. You drive onto that lot and you can imagine what it felt like at the Globe when they were waiting for Shakespeare.

Um, can we get back to your dating life?

I really don’t feel like dating, to be honest with you. I’d go for a cup of coffee, and by the time I was halfway through the second cup there’d be paparazzi outside and it would be turned into something that it wasn’t. So that doesn’t seem worth it.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-14” author: “Brenda Castleman”

Pete Sampras broke into tears when he walked onto the court at Flushing Meadows last week–not in his tennis whites but in natty street clothes–for his retirement ceremony. Now 32, he’d won a record 14 Grand Slams, and was doubtless the greatest male tennis player in history, though he had to rely on sheer mastery rather than color to light up the fans. Everybody was urging him to hang it up before his last-hurrah win against Andre Agassi at the 2002 U.S. Open, and even Sampras knew that it was time.

“I was running on fumes,” he recalled to NEWSWEEK. “I wasn’t enjoying it, but I knew what I had to do. I felt like I could win another major tournament and show the world I could still do it. But it was something I never had to feel before, was never forced to feel.”

Thirty-two is the prime of many a baseball player’s career, but tennis is a different sport: grueling international travel, not much of an off-season and no teammates to back you up. “It’s a grind,” Sampras said. “I can understand why players for the past 15 or 20 years wind it down at 30, 31, 32. It’s a great life on the tour, but a tough life.”

So last week he walked a ceremonial lap around the court, carrying his son in his arms, then walked off into his future.

John Cleese

Kids know him as Harry Potter’s pal Nearly Headless Nick, but back in the day John Cleese used to be in, like, this thing called Monty Python. This month we’ve got a 20th-anniversary DVD of “Monty Python’s Meaning of Life,” an earlier venture into cinematic near-headlessness. Shall we keep being funny, or shut up and let him talk with NEWSWEEK’s Andrew Phillips?

Didn’t I hear you once worked for NEWSWEEK?

I worked for you for about five minutes. I don’t think I was any good. They asked me to start writing an obituary for someone who at that time was alive and about 24 years of age, and I kind of got the message.

Right, tell me about it. But you’ve done OK.

I suppose so, but it would have been more interesting. I don’t regard myself as having led a particularly interesting life. There’s nothing that interesting about sitting in a room writing comedy and then going into a studio and rehearsing it.

How was it being strung up for “Harry Potter”?

Doing that kind of special-effects shooting is the most sterile experience known to an actor. Of course it made me a hero to my grandchildren. But as you know, special-effects supervisors have not really spoken to human beings before during the course of their lives. It’s one of the qualifications.

Do you revisit those Monty Python one-liners?

I suppose once a day someone smiles at me in the street and says something that I know is a quote, but I don’t know what it’s a quote from.

I hope the new DVD has some wild outtakes.

I haven’t seen it myself. And the reason is, I have not reached that sad stage of sitting at home in the evenings and watching my own movies. I will say, in my final week, as I lie there at the age of 104, I shall no doubt be watching this DVD with my 18-year-old bride.

Speaking of that: in the film, you play a headmaster who brings his wife in to a sex-ed class. Is this really how young people should learn about sex?

I don’t think anyone should be educated sexually. There’s far too many people on the planet. If we could hush it up for a few years, that would help.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-05” author: “Angela Beaudry”

“Delivery for Roman Polanski! Delivery for Roman Polanski!” called the star as he strode into the bar of Deauville’s swanky Hotel Royal, carrying a small brown carton under his arm. Polanski, president of the festival jury, was chatting with Jack Valenti, chief of the Motion Picture Association. The filmmaker laughed and gave Ford a big hug. With a swarm of paparazzi waiting outside the hotel, Ford opened the package to show Polanski the golden statuette. “You’re going to take it out of the box, right?” Polanski asked. “Look,” Ford said to Valenti, “he’s directing me.” “That’s what I do,” cracked Polanski, who did direct Ford in the 1988 thriller “Frantic.”

“Now, how do you want to play this?” Ford asked. “How about I play the Harrison Ford role and you play the Roman Polanski role?” With that, the pair strolled out onto the lawn as the cameras flashed, and Polanski finally got his Oscar.

“Maybe we should kiss with tongues,” Polanski quipped, referring to the lip lock Adrien Brody gave Halle Barry when he won best actor for starring in Polanski’s film.

Photo op over, the director went back to the bar. Polanski, 70, who fled the States 25 years ago after he pleaded guilty to statutory rape but before he was sentenced, lives in Paris. “It’s nice to have the Oscar,” he told NEWSWEEK. “I think I’ll put it in my office with my other statuettes–I have a few, you know. Maybe next to the Palme d’Or”–the Cannes prize he also took home last year.

–Dana Thomas

Q&A: Berkeley Breathed

The world’s most famous penguin, Opus, can be found almost everywhere–greeting cards, kids’ books–except in the newspaper comics pages where he was born. But come November, Opus will be back, starring in his own strip. NEWSWEEK’s Brad Stone traded e-mails with Opus’s creator, Pulitzer Prize-winning “Bloom County” cartoonist Berkeley Breathed.

It’s been eight years since you left the funny pages. Why return?

The women and the money. Alas, money is sparse in today’s underheated newspaper world, and the only woman is a little beauty named Sophie-Bean Breathed [his daughter], who can recite the entire first line of Mister Rogers’s “Neighbor” song–in a belch.

Tell us about the new strip, “Opus.”

It’s a Sunday feature hand-painted by me. One tries not to sound snarky–but I can tell you that all other comics are colored in Bangkok by child slaves and orangutans.

You’re demanding papers run “Opus” at half a page. Are you trying to incite a revolution?

Yes, revolution. The curious should contact their local paper’s editors and suggest they give the heave-ho to all the comic strips that (a) outlived Strom Thurmond or (b) are produced by people that are either hired lackeys, distant relatives to the creators or (c) dead. Then fill the space with comics drawn by still-breathing artists.

How will fatherhood color the new strip?

One grim suspicion: more toilet humor. Which is fine, as I’m pulling back the political stuff.

In an age of flight-suit presidents and body-building candidates, how can you resist?

With the assistance of an unbreakable four-week lead time for publishing. Mr. Bush could start and finish a ground war with San Francisco in that window.

I miss the old political “Bloom County.”

“Bloom County” was a bit of pop flotsam for its time. Opus is now content to quietly carry on the far side of his career arc waddling about in a little out-of-the-way corner of the Sunday funnies section. As long as it’s a full half-page.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-24” author: “Mary Davis”

Peter Jackson might want to clear off his mantel. The director of the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, which has already grossed more than $1.8 billion worldwide, is finishing part three, “The Return of the King,” and even without seeing a frame, Hollywood insiders consider it the front runner for a best-picture statuette–and Jackson for best director–come Oscar time. No surprise: the first two films were both nominated. What’s remarkable is that in an industry known for vicious battles for Academy Awards, many people who plan to compete against Jackson’s film secretly want him to win. “I’m such a fan of his,” says a studio head with a film sure to be up against “LOTR.” “I’ve been waiting for the Academy to reward him for his nine-hour movie.”

Or it may be even longer. There’s rampant speculation about the length of the film–still two months from completion–with reports circulating that “King” will clock in at more than three hours. If it does, that’s not likely to matter much to fans, critics or even the studio. The first two installments squeaked in just under the 180-minute mark, and it’s hard to imagine they could have made any more money. (The highest-grossing film so far, “Titanic,” ran a butt-numbing 3 hours 14 minutes.) And while New Line head Robert Shaye shares final cut with Jackson, he has yet to meddle with the director’s creative decisions. “We do not talk about length,” says studio COO Mark Ordesky. “We talk about the film.” So, apparently, does everybody else in Hollywood. They always did like a happy ending.

–Sean Smith

Donald Trump

On NBC’s upcoming reality show “The Apprentice,” contestants go to work for Donald Trump, who fires them one by one till he gets a winner. (Honest. This is not The Onion.) Mr. New York gets real with NEWSWEEK’s resident Aussie, Nicki Gostin.

Why do this? Do you need the publicity?

[Laughs]. No, I don’t need the publicity, that’s for sure. I have a commitment to only do a certain amount [of shows]. I’m going to try and keep it down to a minimum, but they really wanted me.

Do looks count for the contestants?

Well, looks always count with me, but I’m not going to be the sole proprietor of what happens. If it was up to me you’d probably end up with 16 supermodels.

Will they have to pick up your dry cleaning?

No, but they will be doing things that are very unbelievable.

Like?

Well, I can’t tell you. But I’ll give you an example. We may rent 16 stores in a really rough neighborhood and give a store to each one of the contestants and say, “Good luck, folks,” and see who can make the most money at the end of the week.

How much of your success can be attributed to your having the perfect tycoon’s last name?

It is an interesting last name, isn’t it? I do have a good last name. I think the name is really an asset. It really is a perfect name. The trump card, the winning card.

I’ve heard that you’re germphobic. How many times a day do you wash your hands?

As often as possible.

Do you avoid shaking hands?

It’s always a preference not to shake people’s hands, but a lot of times I don’t have that option. And it’s been proven right. Studies show that you catch all kinds of weird things by shaking people’s hands. I think it’s a barbaric custom. I like the Japanese theory of bowing much better.

Your girlfriend Melania is Slovenian. Do you dig chicks with foreign accents?

No, I dig people with great personalities.

[Decides to leave it there.]

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-15” author: “Kevin Ruiz”

Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione’s empire has a case of the droops no little blue pill can fix. Burdened with almost $40 million in debt, General Media Inc., the subsidiary of Penthouse International that publishes the sleazy glossy, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection last week. The news comes on the heels of reports that that the 72-year-old Guccione narrowly averted foreclosure on his Manhattan mansion last month. Penthouse, whose circulation nose-dived from 5 million to about 500,000 in 10 years, has had trouble meeting deadlines.

Robert Feinstein, General Media’s lead counsel, says that despite recent attempts to diversify, the Penthouse brand “hasn’t been exploited the way it should have been.” Larry Flynt, publisher of Penthouse’s raunchier competitor, Hustler–and, like everybody else, a California gubernatorial candidate–agrees. Publishing used to be Hustler’s biggest business, Flynt says, but now the bulk of his revenue comes from such things as movies and a chain of casinos. “We just thought that there’s not a bright future in publishing,” he says. Nor in Playboy-style soft-core videos. “People don’t want ‘Charlie’s Angels’,” he says. “They want real porn.”

–Jennifer Ordonez

RAY ALLEN

Last summer, America’s dream team turned into a nightmare. Playing at home in the world championships in Indianapolis, a roster of NBA stars finished a sorry sixth. As a result, the United States must compete in a regional tourney, beginning this week in Puerto Rico, just to qualify for next summer’s Olympics in Athens. Taking no chances, the U.S. team has upgraded, assembling a superstar lineup that includes Tim Duncan, Jason Kidd and Allen Iverson. Another addition, Ray Allen, shot around with newsweek’s Mark Starr.

You weren’t part of last year’s debacle, but did you still feel the pain?

It was like a gut-wrenching feeling in the stomach. You walked around uneasy. You’re not the best anymore.

How embarrassing is that?

It’s not embarrassing. But you no longer can go to an international competition and expect the other guys to bow down at your feet. Now they say, “We know we can beat you.” Now they think, “We’re just as tall, just as quick, and our jump shots are just as good.”

Isn’t the Dream Team concept getting stale?

Yeah. It’s been played out. After the first Dream Team [at the ‘92 Olympics] there was no more. There will never be that magnitude of talent on the floor again. But those guys also played the game with class and respected each other. We players today have to take note of that so we can take it to the next level.

Kobe Bryant was on this team originally. Do you expect he’ll be back for Athens?

He’s got so many other things to worry about that being in Greece is the last thing I worry about for him. I’m sure he’s not even thinking about basketball now.

How confident are you about bringing back the gold next summer?

Everybody’s so concerned these days just with themselves. I don’t want to go over there cocky. It’s proven now that we can be beat. We can’t afford any slip-ups. We have to work harder to be better. We finished in sixth place, so now we’re underdogs.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-13” author: “Gilbert Munoz”

If you’re older than 50, you probably remember when you saw “Deep Throat.” The 1972 film is not only the most famous porn flick to date, but the most profitable movie in history. (It cost about $25,000 and grossed $600 million.) More than that, it forever changed not only Hollywood but American culture. Which is why A-list producer Brian Grazer–the man behind the Oscar-winning “A Beautiful Mind” and this winter’s upcoming “The Cat in the Hat”–has plunked down $1 million of his own money (plus $1 million from HBO) to make “Inside Deep Throat,” a documentary about the film’s life and times that should be in theaters before the end of the year.

“It was an atomic explosion in pop culture,” says Grazer, who first saw the movie at a party in 1979. “My grandmother and grandfather saw it! Stood in line to see it.” The film launched hundreds of obscenity lawsuits, was impounded in Memphis, ultimately changed the ratings system and launched the modern porn industry. And aside from spicing up the bedroom practices of millions of Americans, it forced mainstream filmmakers to push the boundaries of sexual content in their work. “You couldn’t just have a coy kiss or an open blouse anymore,” Grazer says. “If a movie was designed to have any sexual impact, you suddenly had to go farther.”

Grazer’s initial plan was to make a feature film about “Deep Throat” star Linda Lovelace, who died last year, but eventually decided the story was bigger than the woman herself. He hired documentary filmmakers Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey, who made the 2002 “Monica in Black and White,” about the infamous White House intern. Do we see a pattern here? “I never thought of that,” Grazer says, laughing. “I just liked their movie.”

–Sean Smith and Jennifer Ordonez

ELLEN DEGENERES

This year, Ellen Degeneres stole the show as Dory in “Finding Nemo” and did an HBO special. In the fall she’s got a talk show on NBC (who doesn’t have a talk show?) and a new book, “The Funny Thing Is… " What do you bet this is why she made time to speak to NEWSWEEK’s Vanessa Juarez?

My editors want these Q&A’s to be funny. So…

Uh-oh. We’re in trouble.

You joke about everyday things that people don’t talk about–like trying to find the beginning of a roll of toilet paper. Were you just sitting–

[Laughs] No! My mind just kind of goes to different places.

Here’s a fresh idea. A sitcom that’s a show about nothing, right? You could call it “DeGeneres”?

Well… If the talk show doesn’t work out, maybe I’ll fall back on that.

I hear you’re obsessed with Justin Timberlake.

Wow, is that spreading like wildfire or what? I wouldn’t say obsessed. I like him a lot, and I think he’s extremely talented and adorable. But now it’s turned into the word obsessed. That’s scary.

Now that we’ve covered the important stuff, let’s get to your book.

It’s just a bunch of chapters about weird things. Sometimes they end up a cohesive story and sometimes they’re just random thoughts. I write differently for a book than I do for stand-up, but it’s a way of expressing myself that I enjoy. I mean it is a tortuous process–it’s like childbirth. Every time I do this I think, “I’m never going to do it again.” Thank God I’m finished with it and it’s out of the house.

Or to say they peed in their pants. I want some type of moisture to happen. That’s a quote for ya.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-13” author: “Lisa Bickmore”

When the news broke last week that the Who’s Pete Townshend was the “legendary rock star” a British tabloid had predicted would be arrested for allegations involving child pornography in an Internet sting, no one wanted to believe it. There’s been no more respected or beloved figure in the rock-and-roll establishment; Townshend’s 1969 rock opera “Tommy,” moreover, is about a “pinball wizard” who had been sexually abused as a child. Townshend himself believes that he was abused when he was young, and he has recently been denouncing Internet child porn on his Web site.

Townshend, 57, went along quietly with the police who went to his house. He was released on bail without being charged; that could happen later. Townshend told a British paper that he’d stumbled across child pornography on the Web, and entered one site using his credit card in order to do research for his autobiography. Bob McLachlan, former head of Scotland Yard’s pedophilia unit, says that claiming to do research is “a classic defense” of pedophiles. But Matthew Evans, former chairman of the publisher Faber and Faber, for whom Townshend worked as an editor in the early 1980s, told NEWSWEEK that Townshend has been working on a long-planned autobiography, though he “did not want a book contract before he finished.” Faber and Faber, Evans added, “would be very interested in publishing it.”

–Ginanne Brownell in London

Q&A: Gwen Stefani

The no doubt frontwoman says she’s doing “freakin’ great.” With her band’s gig at this year’s Super Bowl, three Grammy nominations and her marriage to Gavin Rossdale of Bush… well, no doubt. Last week she tackled questions from news-week’s Vanessa Juarez.

Last year you opened for U2 at the Super Bowl; this year you’re the headliner. What’s it like?

It’s spectacular to look over the field and see the energy of all the people coming together. And to think U2 was doing it is pretty crazy.

Your Grammy noms–had you ever been nominated for best dance recording?

No [laughs]. The thing is, we’ve been so many different incarnations of ourselves. We’ve been the garage band, the van-touring band, the bubblegum-pop band–after “Tragic Kingdom” that’s what people called us. So to be, like, this dance thing, it is surprising, but it’s also like, well, everything else has happened.

Do you even like going to these award shows?

I love going to them. The first year I was getting out the elevator and there’s Elvis Costello, just someone you totally worship. And then Sting walks by and kisses my hand.

What was it like to roll with the Stones last fall?

It was pretty intense. I mean I was on that stage, I know how far it is from one side to the next, and Mick is running and singing and he’s… he’s not young [laughs]. I was just amazed by his stamina. I mean I was totally out of breath.

So what’s next for you?

I definitely want to try and do a film this year. That’s my big goal, just do something different.

You have all these artistic ambitions. Tell me about designing your own clothes.

Ever since I can remember I’ve always been about trying to not have what everyone else has. When I got into the band, I didn’t have a lot of money. If I bought s–t at, whatever, Clothestime, I would tear it apart and make it my own.

I have to ask. How is marriage to a rock star?

[Laughs] Well, you know, I’ve been with him for seven years, so… pretty great. I recommend it highly.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-21” author: “Irma Graham”

The guy makes only $19,000 a year, but the ratings were extravagant. Fox’s “Joe Millionaire” drew more viewers last week than any other premiere of a new show this season. Like ABC’s “The Bachelor,” “Joe” features females vying for the romantic attention of an eligible hunk–but adds a twist. The 20 rivals were told that Evan Marriott was worth $50 mil, while the audience was let in on the ruse. The truth–that he’s a construction worker–will be revealed to the “winner” in the last episode, to air Feb. 17. “I said to myself, ‘Screw the lie, I’m gonna get to know these girls, they’re all super hot’,” Marriott says. “I don’t know what red-blooded American male wouldn’t want to be in this position.”

The morning after his gonzo ratings, many visited the Smoking Gun Web site, which had posted some modeling shots of Marriott in a Speedo. Embarrassed? No way: “This girl comes up with a copy and asks, ‘Can you sign this?’ That made my day.”

Still, Marriott, who “learned about wine and etiquette and stuff like that” to fake a millionaire’s moves, claims he’s going back to his blue-collar job now that the show’s finished taping. But won’t Hollywood continue to call?

“Well, I was approached last night at a premiere by an-other net-work about a movie they thought I’d be perfect for,” he says. “I thought that was kind of shocking. My comeback is, ‘Gee, I’m a bulldozer operator. I can’t imagine why you want me for this movie’.” Such modesty from a guy who really knows how to make the earth move.

–B. J. Sigesmund

Q&A: Etta James

What becomes a diva most? How about receiving a Grammy nomination (last week), a lifetime achievement award from the Recording Academy (next month) and even a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (in April)? The 64-year-old legendary matriarch of the blues belts it out with NEWSWEEK’s Jac Chebatoris.

How does all this feel–your career’s spanned decades, you’re up for all these awards, you’re ready to release a new record and you’ve been called a national treasure? I tell you it feels really good, even though you wonder, I know what a national treasure is, but what really does that mean? Does that mean that’s what I am?

I would think that you might be a little sick of “At Last” by now, with everyone tugging on your sleeve about it, but, you know, it is the quintessential Etta James song. “At Last” has just gotten to be–I mean, oh my goodness–somebody got pregnant off “At Last,” they had a baby off it, they got married on it… “Sugar on the Floor,” that’s a song that I can really relate to. I know what it feels like–sugar on the floor. That’s a heavy statement. When you think about spilling sugar on the floor–you know what? You can hardly get it up.

Tell me about meeting Billie Holliday. I must have been about 17 and was in New York to do a radio show. She and Count Basie were on it too. She came in through the door and was so beautiful. But she was hanging on the arms of these two guys. Her hands were all swollen and I was watching her from head to toe, and when she passed by me, she looked at me and said, “You see this, don’t ever let this happen to you.”

But it did happen to you. Then you got out of it. I’ve always thought that’s why I took my kids on the road with me at such a young age. I thought, I’m not going to let some jack-o’-lantern turn ’em out and make them junkies. They know about all kinds of stuff. They’ve seen their mom go through everything, so I think they’ve got that part of it down.

A Meeting Of Beautiful Minds Hollywood has wanted to make a Sylvia Plath movie for years. Poetry, passion, suicide–what’s not to like? Gwyneth Paltrow is now in New Zealand filming the story of Plath and British poet Ted Hughes (Daniel Craig). Theirs was a stormy marriage, but this movie is said to be “a love story, essentially.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-26” author: “Gail Anderson”

Ross didn’t do too well on the Breathalyzer, either: 0.20, more than twice Arizona’s blood-alcohol limit. And the thing where you have to write the alphabet? Well, you be the judge. She gets to explain again about the video and all to an official judge next week. Meanwhile she’s charged with three misdemeanor counts related to driving under the influence.

–David Gates

Q&A: Gish Jen

Last week the American Academy of Arts and Sciences announced that novelists Gish Jen and Claire Messud were being awarded Strauss Living awards, which amount to $250,000 each over five years. NEWSWEEK’s Malcolm Jones talked to Jen, author of “Mona in the Promised Land,” keeping his envy in check.

When did you hear you’d won? In November.

You mean you had to keep it a secret all this time? Yes. It was awful. It was like being on a very weird diet–and not being a dieter, I found it very difficult.

The judges included John Updike, Don DeLillo, Cynthia Ozick and Joyce Carol Oates. The intimidation factor must be enormous. When I heard who was on the committee, I just started crying. The great thing is, it’s done in complete secrecy, because no one would want to know that they were in front of a committee like that. The idea that these people had even looked at my work, much less liked it, was more than I could stand.

And now there’s pressure to produce, to validate everyone’s confidence in you. God, I’m glad I’m not starting a book. I’m in the middle of writing one. So it’s coming at a good time.

How will this money change your life? Writing was becoming a luxury I couldn’t quite afford. I had to have a job. So I have gone from someone who perhaps couldn’t afford to write for some years to someone who needs to write.

People don’t realize how crucial such grants are. Absolutely true. Because otherwise there are all these temptations, like writing for the movies–all these auxiliary activities which are related to artistic expression but are not artistic expression. Also, when you’re young, you can live on very little with very little security. You never think about how much it costs to get a tooth crowned. And then suddenly you’re older, and you’ve got kids and your teeth are falling apart. It’s a tremendous gift, the ultimate deus ex machina.

If you read it in a novel– Exactly. Who’d believe it. Give me a break.

CORRECTION

We reported that novelists Gish Jen and Claire Messud received awards from the American Academy of Arts and Sciences (“Q&A, Gish Jen,” Newsmakers, Jan. 13). In fact, it was the American Academy of Arts and Letters.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-21” author: “Paul Oneill”

We thought he’d never ape anyone else’s success. But with the last “Lord of the Rings” installment coming out this winter, director Peter Jackson plans to start shooting a remake of “King Kong” in June 2004. Six years ago Jackson and his wife, Frances Walsh, wrote an update, reinventing the Fay Wray character as a Lara Croftian explorer and amping up the fear factor with giant spiders. But with remakes of “Godzilla” and “Mighty Joe Young” already in progress, Kong had to go back in his cage. “Peter and Fran were crushed,” says Ken Kamins, Jackson’s longtime agent.

What a difference a little $650 million franchise can make. With every studio in town jockeying to finance Jackson’s first post-“Rings” film, Universal execs flew to New Zealand to discuss setting Kong free. “This project really pushes Peter’s passion button,” says Kamins. Seeing the 1933 original at the age of 9 inspired Jackson to become a director.

Soon Jackson, Walsh and “Rings” co-writer Philippa Boyens will dive back into the script. The film will be shot in New Zealand, Jackson’s Weta will do the special effects and Jackson, of course, gets final cut. “When I talked to him last Sunday, you could hear a lightness and a giggle in his voice,” Kamins says. “But I think the real joy for him came when he met with the Weta guys, when he was able to tell 40 people ‘Kong’ was on.”

Q&A: Bill Maher

Bill Maher got booted from ABC’s “Politically Incorrect” for saying the 9-11 hijackers weren’t cowards–true cowards used cruise missiles. Now he’s back with HBO’s “Real Time”; this month he opens a one-man show on Broadway. He got real–and, of course, incorrect–with NEWSWEEK’s Suzanne Smalley.

Are you glad to be out from under ABC’s censors?

It’s not that I was censored. We never didn’t say what we felt. But sometimes we got in trouble, and then that one time the trouble was so much that we said goodbye.

You were hard on Michael Moore the other night.

In his movie–and it was brilliant–I literally felt sorry for Charlton Heston. That’s not easy. He sandbagged and badgered an old man with a failing memory. You can make anybody sympathetic. Hey, we’re losing a popularity contest with Saddam Hussein. That’s like losing a school-board election to a pedophile.

I bet you didn’t like the peacenik vomit-ins either.

Let’s just say I don’t see how that’s going to sway the undecided. The peace movement should have said that we are all for the same goal, which is to be safe at home. I don’t question the president’s sincerity. He really thinks the war is the way to do it. Why he thinks that is another story, which I won’t go into.

Oh, come on.

I think they have a real itch about Iraq and forced it into the template. It’s like when you do your taxes and you get your answer first and work back up the page to make figures fit.

The Dixie Chicks are going through what you went through. Have you given Natalie Maines a call?

I sent her a little note. “I’m sure you remember when you were on my show.” She took the position of being against legalizing marijuana, which is something I wouldn’t forgive in a 100-year-old, much less a 25-year-old.

Where do you and Ann Coulter hang out?

Whatever the latest phony-baloney clubs are–Lotus. You would never know she’s a fire-breathing dragon of the right. She’s one of the few people who back down not one whit when confronted. And that’s the kind of guts I do not see often in today’s world.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-09” author: “Todd Elliott”

If you were be-ginning to think Sheryl Crow’s no war guitar strap was the only peep of protest from today’s pop stars, take heart: they are taking a stand–in cyberspace. R.E.M., Lenny Kravitz, the Beastie Boys and former Rage Against the Machine frontman Zach de la Rocha (didn’t think he’d sit this out, did you?) have all put songs online. The downloads cost nothing. Trouble is, like so many things on the Web, that’s what most of them are worth.

De la Rocha’s “March of Death,” a tag team with DJ Shadow, is a hookless mess, and the rapper’s imagery is interchangeable with that of every song Rage ever recorded. Doesn’t de la Rocha realize that he discredits his causes by treating them all the same? Lyrically, R.E.M.’s “The Final Straw” can be stirring–“Look me in the eye and tell me why”–but the band’s acoustic strumming is so ponderous you won’t listen to it twice. Only Kravitz seems to understand that protest is embedded in the very nature of rock and roll, so his “We Want Peace” goes light on polemics and heavy on guitar. The chorus–“We want peace/ Yes we want it/ And we want it fast”–is a far cry from Dylan. (And where, if anywhere, does he stand?) But the tune has the power to change hearts, which can be as effective as changing minds.

This flurry of creation is good to hear–or to hear about. But nobody’s putting his career on the line (as opposed to online), except, inadvertently, the Dixie Chicks, whose airplay has taken a hit since Natalie Maines criticized President Bush last month. Cumulus Media has banned the group from its airwaves. (Meanwhile Clear Channel, the 1,200-station Micro-soft of radio, syndicates Glenn Beck, the man behind the jingoistic Rally for America events.) It would be interesting to see what happens if some big-name musician dared radio’s conglomerates to play a pro-peace song. But maybe we’re looking for nerve in all the wrong places.

Q&A: Courteney Cox

This fall, in addition to starring in the final season of “Friends”–really, truly, this is absolutely it, supposedly–Courteney Cox will executive-produce a reality show called “Mix It Up,” a home-design program for WE: Women’s Entertainment. NEWSWEEK’s Marc Peyser thought he’d better talk to her while she still had time.

Can we really believe next year is the end of “Friends”?

You can really believe it. It’s time.

Wasn’t it time this year?

We all thought that when we came to work, but time goes fast and all of a sudden you’re thinking, wow, I can’t imagine it being over and we’re not going to be together. It starts to feel weird. I’m sure we’ll have that feeling next year, but we’ve all made a pact and said this is definitely it.

And you didn’t have a pact last year?

We didn’t talk about it. We just thought it was going to be over, but we didn’t sit down and say, how do you feel, how do you feel? We just assumed it was going to be the last year. This time, we know it is.

How are you going to juggle all these shows?

I’m happier when I’m busy. Someday, hopefully, I’ll be a mom, a producer–and I clearly want to act.

A mom?

Yeah, that’s a definite.

Soon?

I would not wait. I think people can do it all.

In “Mix It Up,” people move in together and discover their styles clash. Do you and your husband [actor David Arquette] bicker about the house?

The idea does come from our relationship. David is a pack rat. I’m not so much a neatnick–oh, yes I am. As I’m talking to you, I’m straightening everything in the house.

Didn’t you make him throw out a lot of stuff?

No, and that was a big mistake. He has a table of a woman on all fours with a piece of glass on her back. It’s kind of like from “A Clockwork Orange.” When we first moved in together, I loved him so much, I tried to make it the centerpiece of my living room. I wouldn’t do that now.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-21” author: “Amanda Luckow”

Is Tobey Maguire getting too big for his unitard? The $4 million he got for “Spider-Man” looked good at the time. But when the film made $404 million, the Gersh Agency, which has repped him for years, demanded $25 million against 10 percent of the gross for the sequel. A source close to the negotiations thinks Maguire had been listening to his actor buddies, who include Leonardo DiCaprio. “You can picture all those guys sitting around telling him, ‘Man, you only got x for that? Don’t be such a fag’.” Columbia Pictures offered $17 million with bonuses; Maguire said yes. But he’d slimmed down to jockey size to play Red Pollard in the upcoming “Seabiscuit.” He’d also hurt his back and had a list of what he could and couldn’t do–even how many steps he’d climb. Columbia said it would explore other casting options–like Jake Gyllenhaal, who’s dating Kirsten Dunst, Maguire’s “Spider-Man” costar. The back got better.

So. A happy ending–except for Gersh. Maguire has announced that he’s looking for a new agency. Gersh is a small shop, specializing in breaking little-known talent–which Maguire used to be. He now plans to take meetings with the big boys: CAA, ICM, William Morris, Endeavor, UTA. Who’s got the inside track? Not a clue–but Maguire’s girlfriend is Jennifer Meyer, whose dad, Ron Meyer, now head of Universal Studios, cofounded CAA.

Julie Andrews

If there really was lots of chocolate for us to eat, if the hills were alive with the sound of music, if it did take just a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down, if we never had to say “So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen” for good… oh, forget it. Even Julie Andrews herself doesn’t live in the world her name evokes. But at 67, she’s still a graceful and gracious presence–and a hard worker. This Sunday, in the ABC movie “Eloise at the Plaza,” she plays (yep) the nanny. Last week she gave a lesson in comportment to NEWSWEEK’s Jac Chebatoris.

How do you handle the awe that you seem to inspire?

[Laughs] Well, I was going to say why?

Here’s an example. Have you seen the Web site called the Julie Andrews Obsession Page? It’s dedicated to “the most talented person on earth.”

[Gasps] No! Oh my God, that’s scary. I mean, that’s a lot to live up to in terms of PR. I don’t believe it for a minute.

Then there’s the standing ovation you got at this year’s Oscars. How did that feel?

Extraordinary. Deeply touching. I mean, I didn’t quite understand it. The evening wasn’t about me, and I couldn’t have been more touched and surprised. But it was very, very loving and generous of people.

I’ve heard you have an autobiography coming out?

It’s commissioned, but it’s a little behindhand because I have a wonderful imprint of children’s books and I’ve been very busy getting the first four ready for its debut in the fall.

It’s been about five years since the operation on your vocal cords went wrong and left you unable to sing. How have you been able to handle that?

It was a tremendous setback. But I’m one of those people who see the glass as half full rather than half empty. And in truth, it seems I’ve never been busier. I don’t sing anymore, but I do all these other things, and I’m not sure I would have embraced them as wholeheartedly.

Julie, thank you so much.

You’re welcome, my dear. I hope you have a happy weekend.

So long, farewell.

See you soon, I hope!

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-07” author: “David Prisco”

Nobody who’s ever read Lillian Ross’s classic New Yorker profile of Ernest Hemingway will forget the scene where Marlene Dietrich–whom he called “the Kraut”–shows up at his hotel. Dietrich riffs about baby-sitting for her granddaughter and washing the kid’s clothes, and he says, “Daughter, you’re hitting them with the bases loaded.” (Ross actually wrote: “Hemingway said earnestly.”)

Zany? Wait till you read the 30 letters and telegrams from Hemingway to Dietrich, which her estate just donated to Boston’s John F. Kennedy Library. (And you will wait: they won’t be public until 2007.) “What sort of cigarette you smoke in picture,” Hemingway asks Dietrich, in the same Indian-talk he affected in front of Ross, “so I can get a package and put them under my armpit. That’s the only way I like tobacco really. But I guess it wouldn’t go good in the ads.”

You’d think such cozily skanky talk meant they were lovers. It was a complicated friendship. “Would certainly like to see some psycholanalyzer… start to straighten out you and me,” he wrote. But both their families say no, even though “Daughter” was only two years younger than Papa. “They had the intimacy of shared feelings and experiences without the complication of sex,” says literary agent Peter Riva, Dietrich’s grandson.

Dietrich may have resisted Hemingway–and/or vice versa–but how could she resist that style? “I write this early in the morning, the hour that poor people and soldiers and sailors wake from habit, to send you small letter for if you are lonely or anything.” Mannered, sure. But he was hitting them with the bases loaded.

Q&A: Michael Chabon

Michael Chabon won the 2001 Pulitzer Prize for his novel “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay,” had his 1995 “Wonder Boys” made into a Michael Douglas film and has finished the script for the next “Spider-Man” movie. Despite what he says, Chabon can be a little press-shy, so when he agreed to talk about editing the new short-story anthology “McSweeney’s Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales,” NEWSWEEK’s Susannah Meadows was simply… delighted.

Weren’t you refusing to do interviews for a while?

No, I didn’t have that DeLillo-esque ban.

So you’re not trying to create a…

Mystique? No. I have no mystique whatsoever.

I don’t usually think of short stories as “thrilling.” What got you interested in stories with scary, exciting plots, surprise endings and so forth?

I had this decisive experience of reading for one of the annual short-story prize collections, and stupidly not getting around to it until three days before I had to have them all read. So I read all of these short stories in one big gulp.

And you wanted to shoot yourself.

Completely. I had already been having this growing sense of dissatisfaction with my own work, and sort of knowing why but not exactly. This really crystallized it for me. I sense a kind of malaise with the traditional short story.

In other words, the conventional literary short story is boring.

I’m not saying that I’m sick to death of short stories with epiphanies, and who needs them. All I’m trying to do is draw writers’ attention to these other modes of writing stories. I went back to my old anthologies and looked at the classic short stories from Edgar Allan Poe forward. What I saw was horror and ghost stories and science fiction, and it started me thinking, “Well, what about all that? Why aren’t we doing this anymore?” This is good stuff. It was good then. It’s still good. It’s another way of presenting human emotions. Things certainly haven’t gotten any less weird, horrifying, strange or fantastic.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-22” author: “Gregory Campbell”

Mr. President: We hate to filter the news, but this mess in Buckingham Palace could use some filtering, and you need to be up to speed for your first state visit to Britain next week.

It was stirred up a couple of weeks ago when Paul Burrell, Princess Diana’s butler, published that tell-all book. In it, Burrell repeats previous allegations that George Smith, another royal servant, alleges he was raped by yet another royal servant. Smith allegedly made that claim on a tape recorded by Diana, which, as the Brits say, has gone missing. Smith also described an incident involving the same servant with a “senior royal.” (With us so far? Hang in there.)

More than a week ago Prince Charles’s former valet, Michael Fawcett–the guy who squeezed toothpaste onto the prince’s toothbrush and who resigned in March over allegations that he’d been selling palace gifts for cash–obtained a court injunction against The Mail on Sunday to block the paper from printing Smith’s claims. (Last year an anonymous palace aide denied the rumors generated by the missing Smith tape.)

Last week Sir Michael Peat, Charles’s private secretary, issued the weirdest statement to emanate from a royal household since King Lear announced he was divvying up Britain among his daughters. The statement denied an allegation (which it didn’t describe) that Charles was involved in an “incident” which “did not take place.” The speculation, Peat said, “needs to be brought to an end.” Fat chance. Within days, The Mail on Sunday was stirring up the rumors again with a seven-page story peppered with Smith’s allegations.

We could go on, but this should give you an idea of what you’re walking into over there. Have a nice trip.

Yours truly

–Ginanne Brownell in London and David Gates

STING

The artist formerly known as Gordon Sumner has just published a memoir, “Broken Music,” in which he reflects on his childhood and adolescence in an attempt to understand “the child I was, and the man I became.” NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin managed to trap the onetime lead singer for The Police in a Sting operation.

Why did you decide to write an autobiography?

Well, I was 50 when I decided. I thought that was a good sort of round number and I probably had enough perspective on the early part of my life to at least try and make sense of it. There have been biographies written by people who’d never met me, gleaned from various sources and not terribly true.

Do you think that “Every Breath You Take” is the ultimate stalker song?

I think the good thing about “Every Breath” is that it’s ambivalent, in that it’s quite romantic and people get kind of gooey about it, but it’s also quite sinister as well. It’s both those things. I don’t think it’s a stalker song.

How did you make sure your hair didn’t dry out from all the peroxide over the years?

[Laughs] Is this a serious interview or are you just winding me up?

I’m not trying to make fun of you. I seriously want to know about your hair.

I think my hair is fine.

But wasn’t it really brittle from all the peroxide?

Doesn’t seem so. I’m looking at it now.

You set up Madonna and Guy Ritchie

No, I didn’t.

Oh, your wife did then.

Well, that’s something different, isn’t it?

Has she set up any other celebrities?

J. Lo and Ben Affleck, Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas… No, she hasn’t.

In your book you write of your love of literature.

I’ve read a lot of books. I was an English teacher; it’s not as if literature is a stranger to me. Have you read my book?

I did.

You did?

I enjoyed it. Clearly, you’re smarter than the average pop star.

Doesn’t take much, though, does it?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-12” author: “Floyd Williams”

Last month NEWSWEEK was keen to interview Liza Minnelli. She was filming a guest spot on a Fox sitcom, and a Broadway musical about her ex-husband Peter Allen was set to open. Was this not a Liza moment? Her publicist said no, but confirmed our radarlike journalistic instinct: “Life’s great for her these days.”

And these days? Last week the gossip industry celebrated Christmas early when her husband, David Gest, sued her for domestic violence, accusing her of beating him five times in their 15-month marriage. Gest, whose court papers call him a “world renown” promoter, alleges that he now takes 11 painkillers a day. What would make it all better? Ten million dollars of Liza’s money. Spousal abuse is no laughing matter, but even the most PC among us–imagining a vodka-powered Liza whacking Gest like a pinata–has to think, maybe just this once.

Minnelli filed for divorce the next day. In a statement, she called his accusations “hurtful and without merit”; she’d hoped “that the end of my marriage would be handled with mutual respect and dignity.” (Neither party, you’ll be surprised to hear, returned NEWSWEEK’s messages.) But from the moment Minnelli and Gest tied the knot in March 2002, dignity’s been in short supply; the best man was Michael Jackson. And we lost our journalistic objectivity when we read that Gest alleges Minnelli was not only alcoholic (really?) but “overweight.” Isn’t that hitting below the belt?

–Devin Gordon

Dustin Hoffman

This month Dustin Hoffman co-stars with Gene Hackman in “Runaway Jury,” his 2,750th movie. No? Fine, then you count ’em. Next year he’ll be in the much-anticipated “J. M. Barrie’s Neverland”; last week he nearly flew away (assisted by wires) with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

I don’t want to scare you but…

Are you the mother of my child?

No, but when I first came to New York I went to your production offices to try and meet you. Is it creepy being interviewed by an ex-stalker?

No, but you didn’t really stalk me. Well, it makes me feel that you’re not so ex.

Have you ever been called up for jury duty?

Yes, but I never went. I was always working.

You’re eating something. What are you eating?

A mahi sandwich. Do you like mahi?

Yeah, but in a sandwich? I don’t know about that.

I know. But it was easier to attack with one hand on the phone. Although the real reason is I have to keep my eyes closed for four hours. I just had surgery.

Ooh. What did you have done?

It’s not an ooh. It’s an aah.

What was it?

Lasik. I’m so excited. I won’t have to wear glasses ever again except reading glasses.

Is Al Pacino the Italian Dustin Hoffman?

I won’t even answer that, because he’ll probably send out a hit on me no matter what I say.

What’s been your favorite role?

You always want to learn something, so I would say “Tootsie.” The crew started bringing friends on the set and introducing me as Dorothy Michaels. It was as if they had closed the venetian blind between us. I had never known that feeling before. How brutal.

See? Guys are pigs.

Yes, that was an insight as to how blatant it is, that men will just erase you. Had I met myself at a party I would have ignored me, and I thought I was an interesting woman. I went home and I said to my wife, “I’ve missed out on a lot of interesting women.”

You know what? You still wouldn’t have gone out with them.

That’s not true. That’s not true.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-20” author: “Marsha Sweet”

Under normal circumstances, you don’t want a porn king buying up naked pictures of you and your pals. But Paris Hilton must be wishing Hustler publisher Larry Flynt had done for her what he did for Jessica Lynch. Hilton, an heir to the $300 million hotel fortune and a notorious party girl/ink hound, got more exposure than even she wanted when a three-year-old video of her, engaged in various sex acts–interrupted by a cell-phone call–with her then boyfriend Rick Solomon, popped up on the Internet. Her family released a statement saying how upset they were that she was being exploited; then Solomon filed a $10 million slander suit claiming the family and a publicist were trying to paint him as a “rapist.” The family got the video back, but of course the most graphic three minutes are now everywhere.

Bummer. If only Flynt had bought that Hilton footage when it was offered to him three months ago. He passed, he says, because the video was so dark it looked as if it had been shot with night-vision goggles, “like footage out of Iraq.”

Flynt must have a thing about Iraq. He did buy nude photos of soldier-survivor Lynch from the two male GIs in the pictures with her, in order to show that she wasn’t the saintly martyr sold by the Bushies and the media. But his wife told him “America is going to hate you,” and he buried the pix in Hustler’s vault. (“You should come by the office and I’ll give you a tour,” he told NEWSWEEK.) He’ll even let Lynch have them if she wants. “I’ve always been an advocate for sexual liberation, so I have a hard time now condemning someone for having a good time,” he says. Heck, he might have suppressed the Hilton footage for the same reason, “even though those Hilton girls are kind of millionaire brats.”

Sad as this all is, there’s a silver lining for Hilton. It should boost ratings for her new Fox reality show, “The Simple Life,” which debuts Dec. 2. Better still, she’s finally famous for being something besides being rich.

Q&A: AL SHARPTON

He’s the most entertaining presidential hopeful–we know, we know–but could he really run the show? We’ll find out Dec. 6, when the Rev. Al Sharpton hosts “Saturday Night Live.” Last week–as if he needed to–he honed his media skills with NEWSWEEK’s Marc Peyser.

You’ve run for mayor, senator and now president. Have you ever won an election?

No, but I certainly did a lot better than people thought. I think Lincoln lost six elections before he was president, so I’m a little disappointed I haven’t lost that many. But I think I’m going to break my streak on this one.

You politicians can’t seem to get enough of comedy shows. Did you see John Kerry on Jay Leno?

I did “The Tonight Show” in a suit and tie. He drove on in a motorcycle. And they call me flamboyant.

I’m surprised you’re going on a show that’s made so much fun of you in the past.

That doesn’t bother me. When you’ve been in the middle of controversies all your career, you learn not to take this stuff personally.

So why are you doing this?

If Bill Clinton can go on “Arsenio Hall,” put on glasses and blow a horn to reach out to people, then I can go on “Saturday Night Live.”

Are you worried that you might flop? This could be risky. You could look foolish.

I’ve had to preach a lot of Sunday mornings to people who had crazy Saturday nights, so this is just another Saturday night that I might have to call for repentance about on Sunday.

What if the “SNL” folks want you to change your hair for a skit?

I developed my hairstyle in 1981, when James Brown took me to the White House. I said I wouldn’t change my hair as long as he’s alive, and I want to keep that commitment.

Even if they want to dress you up as, say, President Bush?

I will wear my hairstyle on “Saturday Night Live.” It wouldn’t be me if I had to change.

How funny are you? Do you tell jokes or do impressions?

I do a very good George Bush. I know how to act like I really won an election.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-08” author: “Emma Mann”

John Lee Hancock should know better. Surely the Waco-born director of “The Rookie” has seen the T shirts that read DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS. But last week Hancock–to whom Disney has entrusted “The Alamo,” its retelling of Texas’s proudest hour–pulled his film out of contention for the Oscars; he’ll now open it in April. He says he needs more time. But Hollywood types say they know what that means–trouble. Disney’s spinners insist everything is OK, but it’s too late: consider Texas messed with.

Hancock says he knew this would spark bad buzz, but believed “the time crunch was dictating where the movie was headed. I didn’t make this to win awards. I made it because it’s a story that’s important to me, and I want to get it right. I owe it to Texas.” But now Disney’s without a horse in this year’s Oscar race–and has to watch the titans who’d initially signed on for “The Alamo,” Russell Crowe and Ron Howard, release the films they made instead, “Master and Commander” and “The Missing.” Disney lost them after balking at a $120 million budget and an R rating, then gloated over saving $40 million with Hancock, Dennis Quaid and Billy Bob Thornton. But a source familiar with the project says overruns pushed the budget past $100 million anyway. And the three-hour first cut, says the source, is “like watching a history lesson.” The sad thing is, in a nasty industry, Hancock is universally liked. No matter how “The Alamo” turns out, let’s hope someone remembers that.

Q&A: Jason Priestley

A year after his near-lethal auto-racing accident, Jason Priestley got back in the game last weekend, playing a gigolo-detective in the campy drag movie “Die Mommie Die!” NEWSWEEK’s Sean Smith caught up with the 34-year-old former “Beverly Hills 90210” hunk after a bracing round of celebrity golf.

How’s your recovery?

My back is really good, and my brain started working again, so I’m happy about that. This was concussion No. 14 for me, and I got scrambled pretty good. But I’ve never been the brightest bulb in the box [laughs].

You’ve been quite the daredevil over the years. A boat collision in April 2002–

Hey, those guys drove into me. Come on!

You totaled your Porsche in ‘99.

That one was my fault [laughs].

Bungee jumping, ice hockey–point is, we’re not getting any younger.

As you’re very kind to mention [laughs]. Am I moving away from it? I’m not sure. I’ve been racing cars since I was 21 years old, and I miss it. When you’re at the edge of your abilities and really pushing yourself, that’s living life. I love that. But I won’t race at that level again.

You’re developing a new show for Fox. So you’re ready to get back on TV?

I’m really excited. I’m not one of those actors who pooh-poohs television. I look back on “90210” with nothing but fond memories.

Do you watch “The O.C.”?

I watched one episode. It’s kind of like our show [laughs]. A little guilty pleasure, man. You’ve gotta have it.

In “Die Mommie Die!” you play a detective who sleeps with a drag queen, her daughter and her son. Is there anyone he won’t shag?

He’s sort of omnisexual, but he’s doing it for the right reasons.

Such as?

You know, the quest for truth.

Of course. He’s also very well equipped for his job. Funny, for years there’s been a rumor that you are, too.

Yes, there has [laughs]. And that’s a top-10 list I’m happy to be on.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Nathan Gilderman”

Until last week, this conspicuously white rapper in a conspicuously black medium was known for his scrupulousness about race–the third rail of hip-hop. And the imprimatur of legendary producer Dr. Dre had given him credibility in the black community. Eminem’s manager told MTV that neither he nor Eminem had heard of the track containing the N word. But Eminem acknowledged the other track was his. “I’d just broken up with my girlfriend, who was African-American,” he said in a statement, “and I reacted like the angry, stupid kid I was. I hope people will take it for the foolishness that it was, not for what somebody is trying to make it into today.” Eminem refused NEWSWEEK’s request for an interview. But Mays, who along with part-time rapper Benzino has been involved for more than a year in a war of words with Eminem, was glad to elaborate. “This is racism,” Mays (who is white) told NEWSWEEK. “Eminem is a divisive figure, not unlike Elvis, leading hip-hop away from the community that created it, toward a new form marketed to mainstream–i.e., white–America.” He vows to release the tracks with The Source’s January issue.

Q&A: Alex Rodriguez

Any doubt about who is baseball’s most valuable player should have been erased three years ago when the Texas Rangers signed A-Rod to a record 10-year, $252 million contract. Last week the 28-year-old shortstop finally won his first American League MVP trophy. Rodriguez batted it around with NEWSWEEK’s Mark Starr.

How strange is it to win the MVP and then hear your name in trade rumors?

It is a little weird. But we’ve had a little bit of a hard time the last two years in Texas, so speculation is going to follow.

You seemed surprised by this award.

Of all the years, this was the one I said, “No way. I haven’t had one of my monster years.” I feel like I was [rewarded] for the five or six years I’ve been in the running.

This coincides with news of baseball’s steroids problem.

In a cynical kind of way, it’s been a very positive few weeks. Some of the speculation was 40 to 60 percent [of players], and the test came back 5 to 7 percent. So it’s not as severe as our fans may have thought. Now we have to make it to zero.

When Boston put Manny Ramirez and his mega- salary on waivers, did you read a message in that?

There’s no doubt our economy has changed night and day from when we all signed. I didn’t need him on waivers to know that.

If you really want to play for a winner, why not take a pay cut?

For the right place, I would be flexible. But [Texas owner] Tom Hicks controls everything. He’s the one who has to give me permission to talk to anyone. If it gets to that point, I haven’t said that I wouldn’t be flexible or creative.

Did you watch the postseason?

We probably had the best postseason in history. I watched every game. My business partner got us great tickets to Game 7 in Chicago.

You have trouble getting good seats?

Those tickets were hard for anyone to get.

I live in Boston, where rumors have you heading.

It’s a great baseball town. My wife has 30 or 40 family members there. Maybe I’ll see you at Fenway. Maybe I’ll leave you some tickets.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-16” author: “Angela Peltz”

We hope that by the time you read this the whole mess has been straightened out. But as of last weekend, a musicians’ strike had shut down most musicals on Broadway. Just what we needed when a promising–well, by Broadway standards–new season was about to start, with such shows as “Nine” with Antonio Banderas and “Gypsy” with Bernadette Peters. The last musicians’ strike on Broadway, in 1975, dragged on for almost a month.

Producers had first wanted to cut the minimum number of musicians per show from about 25 at large theaters to seven. That later got upped to 14, but the union was still having none of it. Such shows as “Hairspray” planned to use computerized “virtual orchestras,” but actors and stagehands refused to cross the picket lines. Nonmusical plays went on, but “Cabaret,” which has a special contract, was the only musical running.

Some theatergoers might not know real players from cyberscabs, but Constantine Kitsopoulos, musical director of Broadway’s “La Boheme”–which, by the way, digitally augments its own musicians–says a virtual orchestra for an opera is “absurd.” Of course, musicians agree. “What you’d have isn’t Broadway,” says trumpet player Chuck Olsen. “It’s a Las Vegas show.” If this doesn’t get solved soon, it means a further debased musical theater–or none at all–folks out of work in already hard times and millions of dollars lost. All in all, a hell of a note.

Deepak Chopra

Some 200 books were written about golf last year, but none treats the game as a path to spirituality–or vice versa. Deepak Chopra’s “Golf for Enlightenment” fills the Void. The New Age guru (handicap: 10) told NEWSWEEK’s Mark Starr about the Whole in One.

My golf pals don’t believe you’re serious.

If you’re serious about anything, there is no enlightenment. The key to enlightenment is non-seriousness. The very word means “lighten up.” If you’re very serious and stressed about your golf game, you’re going to ruin it. And that’s exactly the way life is.

Couldn’t this be said of bowling, too?

I think golf is the most spiritual of games. It’s all about self-improvement.

What led you to the golf course?

An LPGA pro came to me with stress-related migraine headaches. She had a lot of performance anxiety. Once I managed to get rid of her migraines, she started inviting me to the golf course. Now I play by myself every morning, from 7 to 9:30. It’s the best thing I do.

Don’t you ever fall from grace on the course?

No. I’m embarrassed to say I don’t. This is a game that, like life, is unpredictable. You have to embrace uncertainty. If you’re so attached to the known, there’s never an opportunity for creativity.

Could your approach help even Tiger Woods?

Tiger is already almost there. But I gave the manuscript to [golf pro] Dave Stockton Jr., who was having a really bad time. Since then, he told me he won 22 games in a row. He’s been sending it around, so I suddenly find myself speaking to all these golf pros. A lot of people are very there mechanically, but need a little more ability to let go and be centered.

Tiger is “almost there”? What more could he do?

Golf is totally his life. He hits 800 balls a day, watches his own videos and in between plays a round. What I would say to Tiger is, “You don’t need to do all that. Stop and you’ll really become a legend. As long as you’re so attached to performance and outcome, there’s a part of you that’s not letting go. If you let that part bloom, you’ll be an even greater player.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-14” author: “Maria Crogan”

The Beatles never reunited after that exhilarating, to-hell-with-everything rooftop concert where John Lennon told the crowd he hoped they’d passed the audition. And only once after Lennon’s death did Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr ever play together again. That was at a reunion at Harrison’s Friar Park mansion in 1994, where they’d planned to rerecord some of their own standards. But they tried to get through “Let It Be,” found it an emotional Mount Everest and fell back on knocking around some favorites from their Liverpool days: Chuck Berry songs, “Blue Moon of Kentucky”–even “Ain’t She Sweet.”

A minute of the proceedings–which may have lasted 10 hours–was released in 1996. But around April 1, EMI will put out a DVD with about an hour of the session. What we probably won’t get is much of the bickering between Harrison (who died in 2001) and McCartney. And probably no electric guitar: Starr has said they unplugged. For that, you want McCartney’s upcoming U.K. concert tour–planned, hardly coincidentally, for April.

Q&A: Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson was in Hawaii for only a single day to shoot Fox’s Feb. 28 “Baywatch Hawaiian Wedding,” the “Baywatch” reunion movie. That’s all the time she could spare from family life with the kids and husband-to-be Kid Rock, such activities as a rumored Miller Lite “catfight” commercial and her literary career. (Details on that below.) NEWSWEEK’s B. J. Sigesmund debriefed her.

Just one day?

I have a three-day rule for my kids, and I had to fly out and fly back. The producers crammed in as much as they could. I don’t even know what I said or did, but I think it was fun. I wore a few bathing suits.

You’ve written a column for Jane magazine since last year. I’ve heard they don’t even edit you.

I’ve always loved to write. It’s just kind of like stream of consciousness. I have one due–it was probably due a couple days ago–about plastic surgery. People’s perception of me is that if I stand next to a radiator, I’d melt. I’m going to go through from head to toe, going, “OK, this is the truth.”

Where are you in your battle with hepatitis C?

I’m treating myself alternatively. Everything from homeopathic doctors to osteopaths to oxygen therapy.

You’ve said you now think of yourself as a brand.

Basically, my career is creating a business out of the brand that I’ve already created. It’s going to be great to parlay it all into a clothing line and hair care and skin care. People always tell me I should be an interior designer. I really love home things, and I’m a swap-meet whore.

Tell me about TNN’s “Stripperella,” the cartoon for adults you’re creating with animator Stan Lee.

I came up with the name. She’s my alter ego–an exotic dancer at night and a superhero later at night. My fiance, Bob, did the theme song. I’ll never have to work out again. I can go eat cookies and live in a barn somewhere in the Midwest and live off this character. They keep saying, “Pamela, do you have any notes on the scripts?” I say, “I dunno, smaller waist, bigger boobs.”

A painful way to get some ink: In the midst of training for a bout with Clifford Etienne, Mike Tyson turned up with a Maori-style warrior’s tattoo. Not smart if you’re about to get uppercuts aimed at your face, but at 36 you need to amp up the fear factor. Few people had been paying attention to the fight, with its $5 million purse–Tyson got $20 million a year ago for being hammered by Lennox Lewis–so you might wonder if this was a cheesy publicity stunt. Would you like to ask Tyson about it?

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-31” author: “Kelly Orio”

For the first time in eight years, Christopher Reeve can literally wake up and smell the coffee. The 50-year-old self-proclaimed “lab rat” is only the third patient to receive a small battery-controlled device that may allow the “Superman” star to scrap his ventilator. And a fringe benefit has been the restoration of his sense of smell.

On Feb. 28, doctors at University Hospitals of Cleveland performed an experimental procedure called diaphragm pacing, via laparoscopy. They inserted four tiny electrodes in Reeve’s diaphragm muscle and wired them to an external battery pack, which stimulates the muscle and sends air to the lungs. In addition to more normal breathing and a sense of smell, patients also have better voice control. Right now, Reeve is off the vent for about 15 minutes every hour; after eight to 12 weeks of rigorous conditioning, doctors hope he’ll be ventilator-free, though perhaps always dependent on the new device.

The doctors say Reeve is extremely motivated–but of course we already knew that. At a press conference last week, a NEWSWEEK reporter asked Reeve if we’d be seeing more of him in front of the camera. “People are probably tired of me,” he said. “I’ll try not to show up too many times. But, oh yeah, on March 24 I’ll be on an episode of ‘The Practice’.” Reeve plays a man injured in a car wreck, whose wife is accused of murder due to “caregiver burnout.”

The horseback accident Reeve suffered eight years ago first left him completely paralyzed below the neck. He can now move his right wrist, the fingers of his left hand and his feet. In a pool or lying in bed, he can straighten his arms and legs against resistance. But his new breakthrough has a special poignancy. When doctors first removed the whooshing, hissing ventilator, he found himself astonished by the simplest thing imaginable. “All you could hear was me breathing. I haven’t heard that sound since May 1995.”

–Joan Raymond in Cleveland

Michelle Kwan

When the salt lake city Olympics ended in disappointment–a bronze medal–for Michelle Kwan, it figured to end one of America’s greatest skating careers. Kwan figured differently. This January the grande dame of the ice, now 22, whipped her younger rivals, Sarah Hughes and Sasha Cohen, for her seventh national championship. Next week, in Washington, she’ll seek her fifth world title. Kwan chilled with NEWSWEEK’s Mark Starr.

Why aren’t you home playing with your grandkids?

[Laughs] I’m still young. There’s a time for everything. It’s not like it’s time to have a family yet. That will come–one year, two, three, who knows? But at this moment, nothing gives me the same feeling that skating does.

Would you have retired if you’d won the gold?

That’s what if, what if, what if. I don’t know. Skating is the one thing I’ve known since I was 5 years old. If you’re capable of still having fun, why not keep on doing it?

Do the two Olympic losses weigh heavily?

I don’t think so. I’ve had so many great years of skating, it doesn’t all ride on two Olympic competitions.

You’ve always said you dreamed of being a legend. Are you one?

Hmm. I feel like I’m still in the bubble. But at the end of the day, I feel like I made a difference somehow. That I was able to touch the audience.

Do those audiences know the real Michelle?

I’m very real. I grew up in front of their eyes and they saw the changes. I don’t lay out my whole personal life, but there’s nothing to hide. I’m not leading a double life.

OK, don’t lay out your whole personal life, but do you have one?

I do. But it’s hard to juggle that. Skating can take control of your life. I’ve learned you have to take control–to try to balance having a boyfriend, going to school, friends and family. Skating is a huge chunk of my life, but the rest is just as important. Skating is not going to keep you company. It’s not going to make you laugh. The ice doesn’t talk back to you.

Get a Grip

James Gandolfini–with his Screen Actors Guild Award statuette–wants some $2 million per “Sopranos” episode. He’s sued; HBO’s stopped production. Looks like he’s got the upper hand: if this drags on till Christmas, he can get work in a department store.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-31” author: “Mark Slade”

If antiwar folks were hoping for high drama at last week’s Grammys, they must have gotten the wrong decade. True, Sheryl Crow wore that no war guitar strap, but not the T shirt the Recording Academy was dreading. Whew. And she left the speechmaking to the bolder but ill-qualified Fred Durst, who hoped we were all “in agreeance that this war should go away as soon as possible.” (He must have meant before it starts, but take him literally and even Rummy would be in agreeance.) So much for that bully pulpit.

Later in the week, a group of musicians put a full-page ad in The New York Times, saying that war in Iraq was WRONG in two-inch-tall letters. These included rockers (Dave Matthews, Lou Reed, R.E.M.), hip-hoppers (Busta Rhymes, Missy Elliott, Jay-Z, Nas, Russell Simmons), country singers (Rosanne Cash, Steve Earle, Emmylou Harris), alt-folkies (Ani DiFranco, Suzanne Vega) and one chamber ensemble, the Kronos Quartet. The same day, pretty much the same people announced the formation of Musicians United to Win Without War. If Dubya lost sleep over this, that crafty Ari Fleischer somehow managed to keep the lid on.

And the day after that, it came out that George Michael (you remember, the Wham guy?) has been dissing plans for such bubblegum-pop stars as Justin Timberlake, Pink and Kylie Minogue to record a protest song called “Stand Up as People.” It’s not that Michael’s pro-war–his own “Shoot the Dog” disses Tony Blair for being Bush’s poodle–but he thought these twerps didn’t have the gravitas. Ahem. By the time we hear “Stand Up as People,” few civilians in Baghdad may be left standing. And we could also end up short a few Americans from the prime record-buying demographic. But that’s show business.

Q&A: Dennis Hopper

In his long, wild career, Dennis Hopper, 66, has appeared in more than 150 movies, done nearly as many drugs and married slightly fewer women. He played a hood in “Rebel Without a Cause,” a psycho in “Blue Velvet” and a drunk in “Hoosiers.” On March 9, he appears in Trio’s “Easy Riders, Raging Bulls,” a documentary about 1970s filmmaking. Last week he had some flashbacks with NEWSWEEK’s Devin Gordon.

When you were only 18, Harry Cohn banned you from Columbia studios. What happened?

It was the first time I’d ever been to a movie studio. Cohn wanted to talk to me about a contract. He starts out comparing me to Montgomery Clift, then asks what I’ve been up to. So I said, “Well, I’ve been in San Diego doing Shakespeare.” He said, “Oh, God, get this kid to school and take all that Shakespeare out of him!” I was so nervous, but right then, I stopped sweating and I told him to go f– himself. Well, he hadn’t heard that in a while.

What came over you?

I was a serious actor, man. I mean, how dare you insult Shakespeare?

Was the making of “Easy Rider” as wild as it’s always portrayed?

We thought we were all free and hip and cool. We were actually a bunch of drug addicts. [Laughs] You always hear crazy things about “Easy Rider,” but we made that film in four weeks. If we’d thought the drugs were interfering with our work, we would’ve stopped.

You do a voice-over in the popular videogame “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.” This is your biggest hit in years, isn’t it?

[Laughs] It’s true. It really is. I play a porno king. I have a 12-year-old son, and to him, this was the most exciting thing I’ve ever done.

You’ve become a major collector of modern art. Any great bargains over the years?

I bought a wonderful Jean-Michel Basquiat for $17,000. After he died, I was offered $1 million. I’ve been fortunate to know a lot of artists, so I could get to them early. I bought Andy Warhol’s first soup-can painting for $75.

Do you still have it?No, it ended up with one of my ex-wives.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-18” author: “Patricia Rose”

Everybody complains about how nasty New York theater critics are, but what about the playwrights themselves? Last week Neil Simon decided he didn’t like the performance of the star in his new off-Broadway play, “Rose’s Dilemma,” so he sent her a letter telling her off. “Learn your lines,” he wrote, according to one published account, “or get out of my play.” Never mind that the recipient of these encouraging words was one of America’s longest-running sweethearts, Mary Tyler Moore. When Moore read the letter–delivered by Simon’s wife only a few minutes before the Wednesday matinee–she stormed out the stage door and hasn’t been seen since. Maybe she went in search of comfort from Mr. Grant.

The merits of all this are, predictably, in dispute. Simon’s camp says that Moore, 66, truly hadn’t learned her lines, and that he’d already rewritten an entire scene in the form of a letter so that she could simply read it. (Moore was, in fact, wearing an earpiece so that she could have lines fed to her.) Moore’s people say that the play was a work in progress and that Simon, 76, was unnecessarily harsh, considering the show is in previews. (Simon does have a habit of re-writing up to the last minute, and of standing in the back of the theater obsessing over every laugh.) The show, as shows always do–at least until those critics weigh in–will go on, with Moore’s understudy, Patricia Hodges, as Rose. Now the real dilemma for “Rose’s Dilemma” is whether anyone will come to see a Mary Tyler Moore play without Mary.

Q&A: Alicia Keys

Her 2001 debut album, “Songs in A Minor,” was a runaway hit and a Grammy winner. Last week she released a follow-up CD, “The Diary of Alicia Keys,” which, she tells NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels, is better.

What did you learn from being an overnight star?

I learned how to protect my voice. There was a while there where I was doing a hundred interviews in a day, and then when it came time to perform, my voice wasn’t there. I had to realize that only I could tell the people around me when enough was enough.

The new record features a piano tribute to Donny Hathaway. Why him?

It’s just so cool to think about Donny because although he didn’t have the career that Stevie Wonder had, he still has been as influential. It’s a great lesson for us younger stars to learn–you don’t have to be a superstar to make your mark.

Do you find it hard to relate to what’s going on currently in music?

I really see myself as being here before, you know? My taste, my musical style–it’s all so old school, so ’60s and ’70s, that I just have to believe I’ve had this experience before. I know it sounds weird, but when I sit down to compose and play, it’s always an old-school flava that comes through, whether I’m going for that or not. It’s spooky.

The industry today seems more about how you look than about music. Do you feel that pressure?

People are into looks; that’s just the way it is, but I don’t have to play into it. I’m not about showcasing myself like that. I’m not wearing booty shorts, or low-cut blouses or see-through dresses for anybody, no matter who asks me. In fact, no one asks me, because they know. The music is all I’m selling.

Don’t you have to play the game sometimes, though–the see-and-be-seen kind of thing?

I step back from all of that. I like to have mystery. Keep people guessing about you and what you’re doing. I see some of my peers and how they are always in the news, out at parties, and I go to myself, “Please, just go somewhere and sit down. Let us miss you.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-29” author: “Amy Driscoll”

President Bush wasn’t the only one to spring a holiday surprise last week. The day before Thanksgiving, Harvey Fierstein, currently appearing as Edna Turnblad in Broadway’s “Hairspray,” wrote an op-ed piece in The New York Times that noted he would be Mrs. Santa in the 77th annual Macy’s parade the following day–and went on to ask, “What if Santa was gay? Would those grinches [who oppose gay marriage] make an exception for the jolly old soul?… Would his gifts of love and goodwill be answered with exclusion and derision?” Parade-watchers who’d read his piece too literally got another surprise: there was Santa, alone, bringing up the rear as usual; Fierstein, dressed as the missus, had been on a different float.

Neither Fierstein nor the parade’s organizers had ever contemplated breaking with the tradition of a solo Santa, and Macy’s would hardly have paired him with Edna–economic recovery or no, it wouldn’t have survived that boycott. Still, the store’s PR people quickly issued a statement saying that Fierstein had “mistakenly communicated his role in the parade” by saying he’d be Mrs. Santa. “This is untrue. Mr. Fierstein will be appearing in the parade but as his beloved character Mrs. Edna Turnblad.” So that was Edna, not Harvey, dressed as Mrs. Santa? Sure. Whatever.

The tabloid New York Post gave the story rightward spin, in an artfully worded piece saying Fierstein “was sadly mistaken if he thought he could ride with Santa”–a big if, according to Fierstein. “It’s just not true,” he told NEWSWEEK. “Macy’s gave us our own float from day one, and they gave us a Santa song to sing, which we sang. Everything went off without a hitch. We had the best time.” The Post reporters were unavailable for comment, NEWSWEEK was told. So although Fierstein didn’t end the parade, he gets the last word.

Q&A: Dakota Fanning

Somebody must’ve given the 9-year-old star of “The Cat in the Hat” good media training. Heck, she wouldn’t bad-mouth a visit to the dentist (as you’re about to hear). Dakota Fanning even says journalists are “so nice that there’s no reason to be nervous.” And NEWSWEEK’s Vanessa Juarez? Her new best friend.

Which was tougher: “Cat” or “Uptown Girls”?

“Cat in the Hat” was harder because you’re in a classic, you know, and I think everybody felt they had a big responsibility to keep Dr. Seuss’s legacy alive. It’s a book that everybody’s grown up with and loves, and you can’t totally change it on people or they’ll be like, “That’s not the book.” You know what I mean?

Gotcha. You just had to get your two front teeth pulled. It must have hurt.

I’ve had four teeth pulled. I had to make room for my adult teeth. I like getting my teeth pulled, actually.

Your character in “Cat in the Hat” is a tattletale.

Yes, well, Sally is more sort of a control freak. Her brother is a rule-breaker and messy, but she just wants him to be more like her and be neat and tidy. She loves rules also.

You had your first screen kiss in “Sweet Home Alabama.”

Well, I had worked with the boy four times before, so that was nice.

[Giggles] He was a little nervous about it. I mean I was a little, too. I didn’t really know what it was going to be like, real strange, but we had to do it a lot of times. Eventually we got used to it. It was fine.

Who’s been the most fun to work with?

They’re different in their specialties. Like “Cat in Hat,” Mike was all fun and great. “I Am Sam” was a more serious movie but then off the set, Sean Penn would be so nice. Then I worked with Denzel Washington and he’s so nice and a fabulous actor. I felt so lucky to be in the same room with him.

Do you ever feel like just not going to work?

Actually, when I’m not working I’m like, “Oh, I wish I could be on the set now.” One time it was a Saturday and I had forgotten, so I’m like getting up and I’m like, “What time do I have to go in?” and my mom’s like, “It’s Saturday.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-27” author: “Yvonne Wildman”

Peace on earth could be in short supply for some musicians this Yuletide. Two of the world’s five major music companies–BMG and Sony–agreed last week to merge, and hundreds of millions of dollars of fat (and not all in executives’ salaries) could be cut in the process. While million-album sellers like Beyonce (Sony) and Britney (BMG) can rest easy, scores of lesser-known, lower-selling names could be out busking for change.

This agreement is an even bigger deal than last month’s purchase, by Edgar Bronfman Jr. and a group of investors, of Warner Music for $2.6 billion. And with more than 25 percent of the global market–second by only a hair to Universal Music Group–the new company could combine Santa’s deep pockets with the soul of a Scrooge. “The bigger the company, the more they’ll be looking at quarterly earnings,” says music lawyer Jay Cooper, whose client list includes Sheryl Crow and Etta James. “They’ll say, ‘Now we can take our pick of the biggest artists of the two companies and put them together.’ It’s going to mean less signings, less choices and less places for an artist to go.”

But don’t count on Christina Aguilera (BMG) and Celine Dion (Sony) to start duetting any time soon. The merger must be approved by U.S. and European antitrust regulators, who in recent years have quashed similar attempted mergers in the industry; sources from two competing music companies have told NEWSWEEK they will likely notify regulators of their opposition to the deal. One thing’s certain, whether artists end up singing the blues or making beautiful music together: for the lawyers, all the world’s a song.

William H. Macy

Since his memorable turn as the car salesman who tries to have his wife kidnapped in “Fargo,” William H. Macy has been one of Hollywood’s (and TV’s) most respected character actors. He appears with Alec Baldwin in the brand-new indie film “The Cooler,” which has gotten him great notices, great buzz and a call from NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

Are you worried about how this movie will do?

I don’t worry about it. It sure would be nice to be in a hit, but what can I do? I’ve done as much as I can do. I acted in it.

In “The Cooler,” you play a guy who brings bad luck to gamblers. You seem to get cast a lot as a loser. Why?

(Twelve-second pause) I think I have a knack for letting people see what’s going on in those losers that I play. And I look funny, and it doesn’t hurt to get a laugh when you walk on.

Do you think that casinos are depressing and soulless?

Absolutely depressing and soulless, and the end of Western civilization. You studied under David Mamet. Can he say a sentence without using the F word? Absof—inglutely! You fake a rather noisy orgasm in the movie. How embarrassing was that?

(Nervous laugh) Um, extremely.

You sound embarrassed right now.

I know. I’m picturing the look on the Teamsters’ faces when I did it. They didn’t know whether to respect me or throw me off the set.

You also show your bottom a lot. Did you work out before the movie?

I tried to squeeze six months of exercise into six days. I tore out my rotator cuff. I may have to get surgery.

When you were growing up, did kids tease you about having red hair?

They did. I got Red, Rusty. It was particularly embarrassing when we got into gym. They would look at me in the shower and I would say, “Well, what did you expect? For me to be two-toned?”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-25” author: “Frances Pettit”

Lindsay Lohan, now 17, first charmed audiences in “The Parent Trap,” took off a few years to be a kid, then returned to charm them again with last year’s surprise smash “Freaky Friday.” Now she’s back with “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.” She spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin about stardom, family and what was really up with her and Hilary Duff.

You live with Raven-Symone. Who’s messier?

Probably me. Well, I’m not messy. It’s just that I have a lot of stuff in my room and it doesn’t fit.

Not enough closet space. Not your fault.

I know, it’s not. It’s fun being a girl and shopping.

Why did you take a break from acting?

After “Parent Trap” it was just a lot all at once, and I was really young. I was just kind of tired and I wanted to go to school with my friends and stuff.

You have two younger brothers and a sister. Do you enjoy bossing them around?

Um, I don’t really boss them around. My little sister talks back to me more than anyone else because she’s 10 going on 20, but she’s the funniest person in the world.

Do you ever get them to do stuff for you by saying you’ll put them in your next movie?

No, I say, “Ali, do this for me or I’m not taking you to your friend’s house.”

OK. Hilary Duff. Did she try to get you kicked out of the “Cheaper by the Dozen” premiere?

That was something where I believe she did not want me there. There was nothing I could do. She was in the movie, and I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. She came to my premiere, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal. But you know stuff happens and people say things. I just think it’s a very played-out story. It needs to be let go.

So just between you, me and the readers of NEWSWEEK: do you hate her?

[Laughs] No, I don’t hate anyone.

She’s So… Newly Trendy

When designer Michael Kors unveiled his sexy, sensuous fall collection last week, at New York’s Fashion Week, the reviews sounded as if they were written by his mother. “I’m only sorry all those papers go in the garbage tomorrow,” Kors says, “and it’s on to the next day’s news.” But for a guy so in the moment, Kors’s collection is a throwback, with his ’70s-style ponchos and mini-skirts, and his floppy hats like the ones Carly Simon used to wear when married to Sweet Baby James or when singing “You’re So Vain,” about Warren Beatty (or whoever).

E-mailing en route to a sunny destination–he won’t say where; PETA tends to, um, dog him–Kors agreed. “Carly Simon in the ’70s was so chic. She and James Taylor together were incredibly sexy.”

Simon wasn’t invited to the show–and learned about Kors’s homage only when a friend told her to look in The New York Times. “I had no idea,” Simon told NEWSWEEK. “I would love to have gone. And I’d like to be wearing that purple poncho of his right now.” Should she get a discount for being Kors’s muse? “No,” she says. “But I’d love to do some sort of photo layout wearing the clothes.” You can take the girl out of the ’70s, but…

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-11” author: “William Charles”

Just last week, Bronfman lured away one of Morris’s top executives, Lyor Cohen. Like to be there to watch these three interact? Or how about when L. A. Reid meets his new ex-colleagues at Arista Records–for whom he shepherded Outkast’s “Speakerboxxx/The Love Below,” expected to win several Grammys? Morris plans to hire him at Universal. And people from BMG and Sony Music could be eying each other nervously. They’re awaiting approval of a merger, which will mean staff cutbacks; some (but which ones?) may not be in party mode this time next year.

The best seat for the spectacle? Diva-maker Clive Davis’s annual soiree the night before the Grammys. The A-listers don’t dare not show up; that could be seen as a sign of weakness. (Among the RSVPs: Prince, Magic Johnson, Naomi Campbell and Outkast.) Davis gives the event a sunnier spin. “My party takes place before the Grammys, when there are no winners and losers,” he says. “You can really lay down your armor and remind yourself that you do love the music.” Easy for him to say.

HARRY CONNICK JR.

He croons. They swoon. Such is life when you’re this smooth. Harry Connick Jr. is releasing a new CD, “Only You,” this week, wrapping the last episodes of “Will & Grace” and getting ready to produce and star in a movie called “The Ben Invention.” He caught his breath for a minute with NEWSWEEK’s Jac Chebatoris.

What’s this I hear about your running around town saying it was you who got Debra Messing pregnant?

Well, you know, in show business we all kind of sleep around.

With the wife you’ve got [former Victoria’s Secret model Jill Goodacre]?

Yeah, but that whole marriage thing–that was just for the press.

Yeah, right. Your new record of romantic standards is coming out right before Valentine’s Day. Are you a romantic?

Yeah, I like all that stuff, and I think it’s nice when people celebrate their love for each other. This record is basically all about romance and being with the person you love.

OK. Tell me about this new movie you’ve got in the works.

It’s a musical–a romantic comedy. It’s about a guy who is a great genius, a great inventor, and he’s always lived outside of society, and he falls in love and tries to think of a way to invent something to make this girl fall in love with him. I’m excited for that to get off the ground.

Meanwhile, you’re still finishing up “Will & Grace.” What else is on your plate?

We have a couple of episodes to do and then I’ve got to go out on the road and play some music.

Your hometown is New Orleans. Do you ever miss the place?

I miss it, but I don’t really miss living there. I’ve been in New York since ‘86. I’ll eventually end up going back down there, but not for a while.

So how should one pronounce it? “New Or-leens” or “N’awlins”?

Some people say “N’awlins.” I never really did. That’s like a tourist thing.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-08” author: “Theodore Jackson”

A journalist, a Kennedy and wife of a movie star turned governor, Maria Shriver knows both sides of the camera. Last week, after leaving NBC News to avoid conflicts with her new role as California’s First Lady, she practiced being an interviewee with NEWSWEEK’s Karen Breslau.

What do you wish you’d known before you woke up one morning as First Lady? I didn’t know anything. Does she have an office? A budget? A staff? They said you go to the governors’ conference, the Christmas-tree lighting, the State of the State address. That’s all they told me. I said, “Uh-oh, I don’t know if this is going to work for me.”

Did you agonize about leaving NBC? I agonized and agonized and agonized. If I stayed there, I couldn’t be the person I was and always have been in terms of helping Arnold. And I decided I’m going to look at this as a meant-to-be situation. In order to do it well, you have to do it with total focus.

Sooner or later, it’s said of all First Ladies, they are the power behind the throne. True? Oh, God [laughing], the power-behind-the-throne question. I have absolutely no idea, since I’ve never hung out with any First Ladies. I’m going to a conference of First Ladies, though. I’ll be your little reporter about what it’s like once I talk to them. My daughter asked, “What does ‘First Lady’ mean?”

“First Lady” does have a quaint, dated ring to it. I don’t know a better term. First Mother? First Partner? First Pal? I just use Maria, although I’m told that’s not proper protocol.

How will you bring your own signature to this job? I’m a work in progress. I’ve really been struck by how many people are involved in my work of progress. I should be like Hillary, I should be like Eleanor, I should be like Jackie. I don’t know what my signature would be, but I hope it would be about women being able to balance all that’s going on in their lives.

What’s the toughest decision your husband’s had to make so far, and what was it like for you? I’m not gonna answer that. One of the first things you learn as a First Lady is that anything can be used against you.

Regi$Return$

It seems like only yesterday that ABC gorged itself into oblivion on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” So now that the network is in trouble again, who does it call for a lifeline? Regis. “Millionaire” (redubbed “Super Millionaire”) returns Feb. 22 for five special episodes, and this time it could hand out serious money–$10 million. Whether that will be enough to entice viewers back to an old show, not to mention one that’s also in syndication and reruns, remains to be seen. “By the fifth night, I guess we’ll know whether or not it’s still popular,” says Philbin, who was never shy about claiming to have saved the network when “Millionaire” took off in 1999. Will he take credit again? “You bet I will! But if it doesn’t work, it was their idea, not mine!”

Regis didn’t need much of a push to revisit his greatest hit, even though by the end of the first run ABC seemed to blame “Millionaire” for its troubles. “I didn’t like to hear people say the show let us all down,” he says. “It made everybody a lot of money. It was just that it had reached its time, and it wouldn’t have if it hadn’t been running four times a week.” One thing that will change, in addition to the cash and two extra lifelines, is Regis’s color-coordinated wardrobe. “We set a fashion trend, then every weatherman in every remote town was wearing it,” Philbin says. And we all know that Reege is America’s No. 1 rainmaker.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-31” author: “Yang Hall”

Which is not to say the Emmys don’t have a heart. John Ritter was nominated for best actor even though he died after shooting only three episodes of ABC’s “Eight Simple Rules.” CBS’s “Joan of Arcadia,” about a girl who talks to God, was a surprise nominee, as was its 21-year-old star, Amber Tamblyn. Maybe it was divine intervention. Now, Lord, if you can help “The Sopranos” (and best-supporting-actress nominee Drea de Matteo, left) finally beat “The West Wing” on Sept. 19, these Emmys will be heavenly indeed. –Marc Peyser

Q&A: Matt Damon

The talented Mr. Damon is back in action with “The Bourne Supremacy,” resuming his role as on-the-run Jason Bourne. He spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Sean Smith.

The first “Bourne” gave your career a boost.

Before “The Bourne Identity” came out, the last two movies I had kind of headlined were “The Legend of Bagger Vance” and “All the Pretty Horses,” and the word on the street was that “Bourne” was going to be a turkey. It was like my third strike.

Instead, it was a home run. Does being “hot” and then “not hot” make you cynical?

It was kind of like the rose-colored glasses came off. It’s not personal. I understand. But, yeah, part of you is like, “F—ing a–holes!”

You got in amazing shape for this. That couldn’t have been fun.

It sucked. I had to train for “Bourne” while I was shooting “The Brothers Grimm,” so they set up a little room at the studio in Prague where I could box every day after work. But there are worse things people have to do for their jobs.

Sure. But I can get fat and ugly and still do my job.

So can I, man.[Laughs]

The studio PR machine is saying you did a lot of your own stunts.

Any time you hear an actor bragging about doing his own stunts, you know he’s full of s–t. There’s nothing so dangerous that you could get hurt. The only thing that scared me was some underwater stuff where I don’t have a tank. It wasn’t that bad, but I kept waking up in the middle of the night taking huge gulps of air.

This is your first sequel. In the fall you’ll have your second, “Ocean’s 12.”

Yeah. I’m a whore.

Nah. It’s not like you’re doing the sequel to some crass movie like…

I can’t say it, man. You’ve got to say it.

“Armageddon.”

[Laughs] There you go.

Whoop, There She Goes

As controversy claimed yet another celebrity spokesperson, Pepsi announced it will no longer use any stars to push its cola. A history of big names busted by the decency police:

WHOOPI GOLDBERG 2004: Slim-Fast thought her Bush jokes hit below the belt.

MARY-KATE & ASHLEY OLSEN 2004: “Got Milk?” execs dumped the twins after M.K.’s troubles.

CELINE DION 2003: Chrysler feared Dion’s voice would outsell its cars.

LUDACRIS 2002: Pepsi cut the rapper for racy lyrics about his groupies.

MADONNA 1989: Her “Like a Prayer” video was like a nightmare for Pepsi.

He’s Still Playing Politics

Sixteen years have passed since Robert Altman’s scathing mockumentary about a Democratic presidential hopeful, “Tanner ‘88”–“and frankly, Scarlett, nothing has changed,” he says. Hence the Sundance Channel’s “Tanner on Tanner,” a three-part sequel airing in October. This time, Tanner’s daughter Alex (“Sex and the City’s” Cynthia Nixon) is making a scathing doc of her own about the failed campaign. With cameos by Martin Scorsese and Mario Cuomo in the bag, Altman, 79, will soon take his show to the Democratic convention. “And we’re gonna do a lot of starfing along the way,” Altman assured NEWSMAKERS. Go get ’em, tiger. –Devin Gordon

CORRECTION

In “Whoop, There She Goes” (Newsmakers, July 26), we wrote that “Pepsi announced it will no longer use any stars” to promote its soda in the wake of an-other celebrity-spokesperson controversy. In fact, no announcement of any kind was made after the Whoopi Goldberg situation. NEWSWEEK regrets the error.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-28” author: “Daniel Smith”

Jennifer Coolidge has made a scene-stealing career playing the coquette in “Best in Show” and the hot mom in “American Pie.” She turns up in the Hilary Duff movie “A Cinderella Story.” She spoke to NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

You play a mean floozy in “A Cinderella Story.”

Yeah, sort of a mean, gold-digging, extremely self-centered plastic-surgery fanatic.

Is the floozy character based on anyone?

I used to baby-sit in Beverly Hills for these surgically sculptured women. They wanted me to come to the back door, and drink different water than the family.

Because of “American Pie,” is it weird to be the idol of teenage boys?

[Laughs] A month ago I was walking through a very remote part of British Columbia, and kids were getting out of school and they went nuts.

Do younger guys ask you out?

Only the younger ones. It’s very strange. I’ve never had an older man ask me out. I’m actually dating a younger guy right now.

You dated Chris Kattan. I thought he was gay.

I think he made a mistake by doing a lot of gay characters on “SNL.” People thought he was the characters he was playing. When I was with him he was a very hetero guy–a very sort of horny young guy.

You play Matt LeBlanc’s agent in “Joey.” Are you and Drea de Matteo going to compete for tacky outfits?

In the pilot she had much less clothes on than me. We’re both playing strong women. I hope that we get a scene together where we go against each other. I’m hoping there’s a showdown.

The Housekeeper Really Cleaned Up

Ok, someone had to win the multistate, $294 million Mega Millions lottery, and if it couldn’t be us–by the way, why couldn’t it be us?–it’s hard to begrudge the Lowell, Mass., woman who finally stepped forward last Friday. Geraldine Williams, a 68-year-old housekeeper and grandmother of eight, said she’d even intended to keep a cleaning appointment after learning of her multimillionaire status, but had to huddle with her financial advisers. (We’d have been in Tahiti by now.) “I can’t believe it’s me,” the humble Williams told reporters at a press conference. Rather than take the jackpot in 26 annual payments of $7.8 million, she’s opted for a lump sum of $117.6 million (that’s post-Uncle Sam). Even after taxes, that’s some Cinderella story.

Celebrities Say ‘I Do’ In Droves

Apparently taking advantage of the brief lull between Britney Spears’s marriages, a surprising number of celebrities walked down the aisle last week. A quick look at who was in whose arms.

BOB GUINEY & REBECCA BUDIG

A “Bachelor” takes the plunge, though America didn’t choose this “All My Children” beauty.

MICHELLE BRANCH & TEDDY LANDAU

Branch, 21, added her name to the list of singers who marry young and believe it will work.

DAVID BECKHAM & VICTORIA BECKHAM

The rumors about David’s flings and Posh’s bling persuaded this pair to renew their vows.

TORI SPELLING & CHARLIE SHANIAN

The Spelling mansion was full of roses, uninvited paparazzi and ex-“90210” cast members.

A Little Kink in Cameron’s Plan

It’s not the sight of Cameron Diaz showing off her breasts and whipping a shackled guy’s butt that’s a shocker–hell, that’s the raison d’etre of “Charlie’s Angels.” What’s truly disturbing about Diaz’s kinky video is that the star once sported gobs of purple eye shadow, fishnets and a frizzy mane, like some refugee from Bananarama. Diaz had tried to block photographer John Rutter from selling the video, taken during a racy photo shoot she did at the age of 19–and even had him arrested for extortion. But last week an offshore Web site, scandalinc.com, began selling downloads for the obscene price of $39.95. Now the truth is out: Diaz was never porn-star material. “Get nasty, Cameron,” Rutter coaxes in the video. “You look too cute.”

So What If Athens Isn’t Ready?

By the end of August, the name Michael Phelps will be as familiar to Americans as Carl Lewis, Mary Lou Retton and, if all goes according to plan, Mark Spitz. Last Wednesday night at the U.S. Olympic trials in Long Beach, Calif., the 19-year-old Baltimore swimming phenom put the world on notice that he is a serious threat to match–or even exceed–Spitz’s 1972 record of seven gold medals at a single Olympics next month in Athens. On the opening night of the qualifying trials, Phelps shredded his own record in the 400-meter individual medley by nearly a full second, touching the wall in 4:08.41. After his win, a poolside reporter asked if it was wise to go full throttle in his first final, given his plan to race in five more events over the next seven days. “Well,” said a grinning Phelps, who two days later won the 200m-freestyle final and a 200m-butterfly semifinal heat with a break of just 38 minutes in between, “I figure I’m here, so I might as well try to swim fast.” Mission accomplished.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-27” author: “Mike Sheehan”

The Olsens’ representatives had denied the rumors for weeks, though the talk was so widespread that the actresses themselves parodied it when they hosted “Saturday Night Live” last month. (In a sketch, they played paparazzi stalking the Olsen twins and yelling “Mary-Kate, you’re so skinny–eat a sandwich.”) Last week’s statement still avoided the A word in favor of chin-up euphemism–“This is a challenge that Mary-Kate has made a decision to face”–but plenty of painful recent photographs spoke for themselves. So did plenty of nameless sources, who told journalists about a family intervention, and plenty of usual-suspect specialists in eating disorders–who didn’t seem to mind being named at all.

This Is So Cool!

OK, so you’re supposed to get engaged before you get married, but we’re not going to harsh on Britney, OK? Because everybody always harshes on Britney, and what did she ever do? OK, so back in January she married that guy in Vegas and then got it annulled before the rice hit the pavement. So OK: it was like a whim or something. So now she’s engaged–to this guy Kevin Federline, who used to be a dancer for Justin? who used to be Britney’s boyfriend?–and he really sounds like a cool guy.

OK, so Britney’s just 22, and he’s 26, but it’s actually good when the guy is more mature. And we know he can have kids: he’s got a kid, with Shar Jackson (she’s some actress), and she’s even having another one next month. So will everybody please shut up for five seconds and not be all negative? Come on, people.

KATO KAELIN

He’s back–or did he ever go away? Kato Kaelin ekes out his 16th minute of fame on July 12 as a commentator for VH1’s “I Love the ’90s.” He talked to NEWSWEEK’s Marc Peyser.

So do you love the ’90s?

They were great for me. My blueprint of life came out in the ’90s.

And what was your blueprint?

I was obviously supposed to be in some sort of trial. I buy everything in the supermarket in trial-size now.

I got the feeling that VH1 hired you just so they could have you ask, “Who killed Laura Palmer?”

They asked me about 350 questions, and a lot of them did revolve around someone getting killed, and I’d say, “O.J. did it.”

Sounds like they’re making fun of you.

Not at all. I remember they also talked about the Chris Elliott show “Get a Life” a lot.

Exactly.

Oh, no, no. I see where you’re going with this.

I’m not the one who implied you need to get a life.

I think they’ll be very tasteful. I really do.

Really? Have you watched the show?

Oh, gosh. They’re not going to pick on Kato!

I think they’re going to pick on Kato, Kato.

I’ve got to say no way.

You do realize that Urkel gets more screen time than you.

Wait a minute. Urkel got better billing?

I will say you look great. Have you had work done?

No. I’ll tell you my secret. For 15 years I’ve been drinking aloe vera juice. If it heals the outside, it does wonders for the inside.

You’ve definitely got good hair.

I actually have a deal coming up with Conair. I’m getting a Kato blow-dryer.

Are you serious?

They’re testing to see if it goes. The settings are going to say hot dude, warm dude and cool dude.

Was that your idea?

Yeah.

Cool, dude.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-05” author: “Angela Keith”

We were afraid Jay-Z’s retirement from making albums had been a bad idea when we heard he was selling his shoes. Turns out he’s auctioning a pair of his own S. Carter Reeboks to benefit a scholarship fund. Not to worry. But we’ll let him tell NEWSWEEK’s Allison Samuels how he’s living.

How’s retirement? Are you sure you’re done?

Yep. Rap in many ways is a young man’s game, and I know that. I never wanted to wear out my welcome. In fact, my plan in the beginning really was to make only one album in the first place. But I was fortunate enough to have staying power, so I kept going.

In your latest video, “99 Problems,” you get shot and killed. You’ve never had that type of video violence before. Did it have a particular meaning?

Yeah–it meant the end of Jay-Z and the birth of Shawn Carter. I always wanted a separation between myself as a rapper and a businessman. In the beginning I couldn’t get a record deal, so I had to hustle to sell my own records to outlets and stores. That made me learn real quick the business side of everything. If you didn’t know, you’d get taken, and I wasn’t planning on letting that happen.

Why the Shawn Carter Scholarship Fund?

I realize that everybody can’t be a basketball player or a rapper, despite what most young kids might think. I tell them that even if you become a rapper, it’s really only 5 percent of us that really make money and last. A lot of other cats aren’t making the money you think they are. It’s all for show in the videos. But I made it, and those who have ought to give.

You and Beyonce try to keep it low-key. What’s it like to be dogged by reporters?

It’s funny, really. Just yesterday I had them chase me through Beverly Hills when I was going to get breakfast. I’m not sure who they thought was with me. Before I started dating Beyonce, I had people thinking they know you, so they come right up and sit down when you have a mouthful of food. This is just a little more of the same.

Sharpton Keeps It Real

The Rev. Al Sharpton’s impish, scene-stealing presidential candidacy always felt like a reality TV show, anyway. So we weren’t surprised to hear that last week he signed on to be a career counselor for the new Spike TV reality series “I Hate My Job.” He’s also negotiating for his own radio show and TV talk show, and he’ll speak at the Democratic convention–during a break from his running commentary on CNBC.

Not that he’s taking himself less seriously. “Whether leading a march or running for president or doing media, it always comes down to seeking a more just way for those that are ignored.” But–reality TV? “It will come through as my purpose.” Will he be wearing that track suit? “My track suits have been hung up for all time,” he says. “I have to act my age.”

And I’ll Be Your Server

A blond Russian bombshell was the talk of Wimbledon last weekend–so what else is new, right? But this was the tournament’s second weekend, so it wasn’t Anna Kournikova, who rarely survives more than a day or two. Instead, Maria Sharapova, 17, did what the lovely Anna has never come close to doing: she won the whole darn thing. With her straight-set demolition of Serena Williams, who knocked off big sister Venus to take last year’s title, the six-foot-tall Sharapova became the youngest Wimbledon champ since Martina Hingis in 1997. Her modeling career was never in doubt. But now Sharapova has proved she’s not just another pretty face. She can put on a game face too.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-12” author: “Clayton Deluca”

News flash: Larry David helped someone. Even more unbelievable–we’re not making this up–he saved a guy from a murder rap. Juan Catalan was in jail for the murder of a 16-year-old girl in L.A. He said he was at a Dodgers game at the time, but prosecutors didn’t buy his alibi. While he was awaiting trial, though, his girlfriend remembered that “Curb Your Enthusiasm” was shooting at the stadium that day–the episode where David takes a hooker to the game so he can use the carpool lane on the freeway. Lawyers viewed the outtakes, and there was a shot of Catalan in the stands. When a judge saw the tape, he set Catalan free. Even the grumpy David is impressed. “I accomplished this just by giving someone permission to look at some footage,” he says. “What if I went out and actually tried to benefit mankind?”

Q&A: Julian McMahon

Don’t let Julian McMahon’s good looks fool you. He plays one of the ugliest guys on TV: Christian Troy, the narcissistic, sexaholic plastic surgeon on FX’s hit series “Nip/Tuck.” McMahon talked to NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

Has playing a plastic surgeon helped you spot people who’ve had work done?

Definitely. Plus, now I feel confident asking, “How much was your job?” and people kind of accept it because I play a plastic surgeon on TV. Though I’ve never been good at telling the breast thing.

Can’t you tell by feeling them?

What are you trying to say?

Just asking. I’ve never felt one.

Just randomly go up and cop a feel. “Yeah, these are real over here.” I think it depends on the job. Some of them are so tight and taut that you can feel that it’s a little different from the norm, but some are well done.

Does it put you off having surgery yourself?

Are you saying that I’ve done it?

No, not at all. But have you?

Yeah, I have had a full plastic-surgery body. I’m like “The Swan” before “The Swan” ever happened. I had a full-body makeover.

What did you look like before?

I was 5 foot 2, very frumpy with large knees and a big gut, and now I look different.

I know you don’t like talking about it, but I gotta ask: your dad was prime minister of Australia?

Why do you gotta bring it up?

Because it’s interesting.

I never said you couldn’t ask.

Your publicist said you don’t like to talk about it.

You know, it’s just hard to talk about.

Do you see a link between acting and politics?

Yes, very much so. The way politicians are today, they’re very performance-orientated. To a certain extent, both are about ingratiating yourself to the public.

Do the Aussie actors hang out in Hollywood?

Not at all.

So you, Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts don’t get together for barbies?

Get together and say, “Hey, we’re Aussies. Let’s go!” No.

And We’re Still Smarting

Jockey Stewart Elliott didn’t even know who’d beaten him. After Triple Crown hopeful Smarty Jones was caught from behind by long shot Birdstone and lost the Belmont Stakes on Saturday, a dazed Elliott told an NBC reporter, “That other horse just come and got us. That’s horse racing.” And that’s the sad ending of the year’s–heck, the decade’s–great Cinderella story. The pride of Philadelphia had won the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness but couldn’t finish off the trifecta. The ride was thrilling while it lasted.

The Joys Of a Quiet Retirement

Last week basketball bad boy Dennis Rodman announced that he’s planning an NBA comeback next season. Where will he find the time? Look what he’s been up to since retiring four years ago:

MARCH 2000

Settles lawsuit with waitress who says he fondled her

MAY 2001

Lands helicopter on a beach for his birthday; riot cops respond

AUGUST 2003

Police tow his boat, Sexual Chocolate, from illegal dock

OCTOBER 2003

Crashes his motorcycle in parking lot; gets 20 stitches

FEBRUARY 2004

Appears as contestant on ABC’s ‘Celebrity Mole’–and wins

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-19” author: “Nilda Elliott”

Since when do jocks write history books?

I wrote my first book [an autobiography] 21 years ago. “Brothers in Arms” focuses on a friend of my father’s–they were police officers together. I didn’t find out this gentleman was a decorated war hero until 1992, and the story intrigued me.

What are you doing aside from the book and the basketball DVD?

We’re working on a script of my book. Denzel Washington seems interested in it.

Any chance you’ll make an appearance in it?

None whatsoever.

We’d like to see you again. Loved “Airplane.”

They don’t write roles for people like me.

People like you?

Seven-footers. Just not a whole lot of roles for us.

I’m surprised that we haven’t seen you on the Lakers’ bench.

I really don’t know what that’s about. The Lakers don’t tell me why they haven’t given me a job, but I do work for the Knicks [scouting players], and I expect to be on their coaching staff.

Just please don’t bring back those old-school shorts–they looked like boxer shorts.

They look ridiculous now, but when we were wearing them, everybody wore them.

Martina Navratilova played in the French Open last week at the age of 47. There’s still time for your comeback.

I wouldn’t inflict any of that on the public. They deserve better than to see me trying to make a comeback.

Putting an End to ‘Idol’ Speculation

Remember all the controversy that has plagued this year’s “American Idol”? The allegations of racism. The jammed phone lines. The cockroach-like survival of Jasmine Trias. It all seems pretty silly now that funky, spunky Fantasia Barrino has walked off with the crown. Barrino got 33.3 million votes–1.6 million more than runner-up Diana DeGarmo–which undoubtedly means that Barrino’s first single, “I Believe” will rocket to No. 1 despite its being the kind of song only a Miss America contestant could love. But her victory does save “American Idol” from a major embarrassment. Paula Abdul said “there was going to be a riot” if Fantasia didn’t win. Even Simon Cowell admitted that Barrino is “the best ‘American Idol’ contestant ever.” For once, Simon was right.

The Mother of Reinvention

We get it, Madge. Age is but a state of mind. The body is but the outward and visible manifestation of the soul. And maybe reinvention’s just another word for nothing left to lose? Madonna’s latest extravaganza–the “Reinvention” tour, which kicked off last week–has started off like a contortionist act from the old “Ed Sullivan Show,” with the Kabbalah Chameleon making her grand entrance in a backbend that suggests the terminal stages of tetanus. Or of something. The first symptom was last year’s Gap commercial with Missy Elliott, in which Madonna assumed a yoga posture; then came her yogic dance moves in that Britney video; now she’s twisting around like a Mobius stripper. But the tour has developed some unintentional kinks. She called off dates in Israel amid rumors of death threats to her kids, and she had to cancel her second show because of a stomach flu.

They Don’t All Go to The Doggs

Sad news: Snoop Dogg and his wife, Shante, are getting divorced. Even sadder: the Doggs were childhood sweethearts. But don’t despair, romantics. A few high-school relationships survive:

CRYSTAL GAYLE

Married Bill in 1971

RON HOWARD

Cheryl, 1975

BERNIE MAC

Rhonda, 1977

ALAN JACKSON

Denise, 1979

JON BON JOVI

Dorothea, 1989

WYCLEF JEAN

Marie, 1994

ALLEN IVERSON

Tawanna, 2001

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-10” author: “Juan Leader”

The L.A. Lakers looked ugly during their NBA finals loss to the Detroit Pistons–and it could get even uglier soon. Coach Phil Jackson has already left, and more players could follow. Who’s staying? Who’s going? Newsmakers plays oddsmaker. Kobe Bryant will hear offers from other teams (and he’s still on trial), but keeping him is L.A.’s top priority. Odds: 20-1 that he’s staying. Shaquille O’Neal is angry at management’s pampering of Kobe and has demanded a trade–but there are few takers who can afford the highest-paid player in the league. Odds: 25-1. Gary Payton is unhappy, but he might be stuck. No one will pay him more. Odds: 10-1. If Karl Malone’s knee is healthy, he’ll be back. Big if. Odds: 5-1.

Money Honey

The Duchess of Windsor once declared you can never be too rich or too thin, but Allegra Beck is perilously close to both. When Beck turns 18 on June 30, she’ll inherit 50 percent of her uncle’s company–her uncle Gianni Versace, that is, who bequeathed Allegra half his empire. The fashion world is buzzing over the implications, not just of teen couture, but of the fur that will fly once Beck becomes the boss of mom Donatella, who runs the company. Even scarier: if Beck teams up with the Olsen twins, who also became moguls when they turned 18 this month, they could buy half of South America.

Q&A: Vince Vaughn

Vince Vaughn has made a career playing charming sleazeballs in movies from “Swingers” to “Old School.” Now he gets to be the hero in “DodgeBall.” He spoke to NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

Is there a rule that you have to costar with Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson or Ben Stiller every year?

People have been asking that lately. It’s nothing that was really planned. It just kind of happened.

What was it like kissing costar Christine Taylor in front of Ben–her husband?

As far as I was concerned, between action and cut she was my baby.

Does that mean you slipped her the tongue?

We didn’t go that far.

Did you wear a cup for the movie?

We did not at first and then we started thinking that it was a good idea. During a boot-camp scrimmage, a cup was definitely advised.

Did you actually train?

We had two weeks of dodgeball boot camp where we had throwing drills, catching drills and then we would scrimmage, and all of us got so sore because it’s actually quite a spastic game. You run and stop so much your muscles were sore, and the ball’s not really heavy so you’d try to throw it as hard as you could. I actually hurt my rotator cuff. It was humiliating.

Are you going to campaign to get dodgeball into the Olympics?

I think it’s a shame that it’s not. I think this movie is my campaign.

Because of “Swingers,” do you get asked to be on all these celebrity poker shows?

I have been; I just never felt like going on Bravo and getting in a heads-up game with [Jon] Favreau. We play a lot with just our friends.

Would you do it someday?

I leave it to the professionals. I’m an actor, not a professional card player.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-07” author: “Glenna Knepp”

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony seem to be under the delusion that they could tie the knot at whiplash speed and pretend no one would notice. Anthony repeatedly deflected Matt Lauer on “Today” –“I don’t talk about my personal life,” he said–even though he was sporting a wedding band. A source claims that La Lopez instructed her entire camp to “neither confirm, deny nor comment on the wedding.” Why the silent treatment? Mrs. Anthony is widely rumored to be pregnant. And clearly, getting married so quickly–Anthony divorced four days before the J. Lo wedding, while the ghost of Bennifer still stalks the tabloids–isn’t great for their reputations. Meanwhile, British bookmakers are offering three-to-one odds that the lovebirds will divorce by Christmas.

Q&A: MENA SUVARI

Mena Suvari is the thinking man’s sex kitten. After steaming up multiplexes in “American Beauty” and “American Pie,” she brings her sweet sultriness to HBO’s “Six Feet Under.” She talked to NEWSWEEK’s Marc Peyser.

Where are you?

I’m at the salon, getting my hair done. I have an audition later, so I’m working this call in between my color and toner. That is so bad. I’m so Hollywood.

Wait, you still have to audition?

It’s horrible. I can’t stand it. But one thing I’ve learned is to not take things personally. One time I lost a role because the other girl had a lisp. That just appealed to the director.

You didn’t have to audition for “Six Feet,” did you?

No. I was actually out of town when I got a call that [executive producer] Alan Ball was interested. Two weeks later I was working.

You’re playing a performance artist?

Yeah. She’s very challenging. I’d never experienced anyone like that before.

Why? Does she smear chocolate all over herself or something?

No, she’s just very strong-willed and wild, but she’s also very sexy. She becomes friends with Claire and dot, dot, dot.

Those sound like very frisky dots.

I can’t say too much about what happens.

I’m just glad that you found something without the word “American” in the title, after “American Beauty” and two “American Pies.” And what was that movie “American Virgin”?

I had done that when I was 15, and it was called “Live Virgins.” But when “American Beauty” and “American Pie” came out, they changed the name. That kind of upset me.

Now that you’ve been married for four years, have people gotten over the fact that your husband is 17 years older than you?

I would think so. I’m 25. I’m middle-aged.

Oh, my God. You’re hurting me.

I already have to go to the chiropractor!

MTV: Mundane Television

Remember when MTV awards shows stood for something? Something like raunchy performances (Britney Spears dancing with a six-foot python) or just bad taste (Howard Stern as Fartman)? Those days are over. Last week’s MTV Movie Awards were as daring as “The Lawrence Welk Show,” and much less fun. Host Lindsay Lohan (right), Hollywood’s new bad girl, didn’t even bare her bellybutton. The dirtiest word uttered was “teat.” There was one R-rated moment: Eminem, with a carefully placed microphone stand, treating the audience to a full moon. But in the post-Janet Jackson era, MTV edited the shot out of the telecast. Next year they’ll make Lil’ Kim wear a turtleneck.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-03” author: “Barbara Thompson”

Effervescent new mom Kate Hudson plays, well, the effervescent new mom to three orphaned kids in “Raising Helen,” which opens at the end of the month. She talked to NEWSWEEK’s Jac Chebatoris from New Orleans, where she’s making her first movie since she gave birth to her son, Ryder, four months ago.

So now you’re filming a thriller for a change–how’s that going?

Oh, it’s so much fun. It’s really great. I’ve been doing a lot of, you know, being dragged around, tied and gagged–it’s excellent.

How much fun is it to read all about your dramatic weight loss after you dared to put on some pounds being pregnant? Does that affect you at all?

No. I had a baby! I just got pregnant and was like, I’m going to have a good time being pregnant. My body belongs to my baby and if it told me to eat all day, every day, which I did, I was going to eat all day every day!

You were the rare celebrity to appear in public looking like a normal woman after giving birth. Wasn’t all that scrutiny offensive?

It doesn’t mean anything to me because I get to look at my son every day. It’s like, say whatever you want, because I have never been happier.

Your mom [Goldie Hawn] showed up with you for the “Raising Helen” premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival. Do you ever freak out when you smile at each other and realize you look so much alike?

No, we’re so used to it at this point.

Does she love or hate the nickname, Glamma, that’s been bestowed on her?

That was just a joke. She’s really Gogo–it’s her nickname from when she was a little girl, and Pa’s [Kurt Russell’s] nickname was Gogi. That was a big thing in the family when they first met–oh my God, it was Gogo and Gogi. As far as hating it, my mother doesn’t hate anything.

NBC Has a Long Goodbye

So what’s NBC going to do now that “Friends” is gone? Not next season, but next week? The network devoted 25 percent of its prime-time schedule to the sitcom last week, what with clip shows, reruns and “news” specials on “Dateline” and “Today” about the show mania. Not that the hoopla wore out fans. Fifty-one million tuned in to the finale (about 27 million less than saw the last “Seinfeld”). Any bets on how long before NBC schedules a reunion?

The 411 on ‘911’:

Getting dumped by Mickey could be the best thing that ever happened to Michael Moore. When news broke that Disney CEO Michael Eisner had forbidden its Miramax subsidiary from releasing “Fahrenheit 911,” Moore’s documentary about the Bush family’s links to Saudi Arabian royals, it set off accusations of censorship and intracompany sabotage. Whatever. The truth is, there are no losers here. Miramax now has to sell the $6 million film, and the controversy is likely to jack up the price, so the studio (and parent Disney) will make money. Eisner gets to look tough. Miramax’s Harvey Weinstein looks like a rebel. Moore gets tons of free publicity, and the buyer–the most logical suitor would be Newmarket, which released “The Passion of the Christ”–could make a fortune. Moore’s last doc, “Bowling for Columbine,” grossed $58 million worldwide.

Double your fun:

Of course, the New York University-bound Olsen twins would want to open their big-screen debut, “New York Minute,” in the Big Apple. But at the Tribeca Film Festival? We wonder if this is what Robert De Niro had in mind when he cocreated the festival in the aftermath of 9/11. Not that the girls can’t be taken seriously. Twin Mary-Kate revealed that in her NYU application she compared her and Ashley’s lives to a Jackson Pollock painting. And she got in!

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-27” author: “Ramiro Lee”

Pierce (007) Brosnan is putting the tuxedo in mothballs for a while to play a divorce lawyer in the new film “Laws of Attraction.” He spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin from his limo.

So what’s up with the mustache?

I’m doing a movie in Mexico City called “The Matador.” I’m playing a hit man who’s having a nervous breakdown.

What does your wife think of it?

She can’t wait for it to come off.

You play a divorce lawyer in your new movie. Is there any profession you think is scummier?

[Laughs] Maybe chicken-sexing. You know, checking chickens to see if they’re male or female. Please, God, I’ll never need one.

When did you first realize that you were drop- dead gorgeous?

I’ve never realized it, actually. I’ve never gone around thinking such nonsense. I just kind of scrub up well. I’ve got a good pair of old legs which have held up. Shoulders out, chin up, and you do the best you can, really.

Does it bother you that your most famous role is always going to be James Bond?

It doesn’t bother me in the least. If that’s what I’m remembered for, so be it. I’m a working actor, and I’ve never thought of myself as anything but a working actor. Bond has given me a great sense of security.

Are you a better Bond than George Lazenby?

There’s only one man. Forget about George. There’s only Connery.

I read you’ve signed up for a new one.

Really? That’s news to me.

Are you going to?

That’s a good question. We were in the middle of negotiations and then a certain sense of paralysis set in with the producers. So God knows where they’re at.

Do the Bond films make you nostalgic for the better days of the British Empire?

No! The empire? Jesus, what did the empire ever do except mangle other cultures?

It gave us the queen.

The queen! Bless her cotton socks.

WAIT TILL HE GETS THE ROAMING CHARGES

So first Kevin Spacey told British cops he’d been beaten about the head and had his cell phone stolen while walking his Jack Russell terrier, Mini, in a London park south of the Thames–reportedly a gay cruising ground–at 4:30 a.m. Hours later Spacey, artistic director of the Old Vic Theatre, returned to the station with a different account: he’d fallen for a young man’s sob story and willingly handed over the phone; when the guy ran, Spacey said he gave chase and tripped over Mini’s leash. One part of his story didn’t change: he still maintained he was in the park at that hour because “my doggy had to go.” And at a news conference, he treated reporters to a tongue-in-cheek denial that David Beckham had offered the Old Vic 100,000 pounds if Spacey would get the soccer star’s alleged adultery off the front pages for a while.

MOONWALK TO PERP WALK

Specific charges won’t be made public until April 30, but last week a grand jury issued a sealed indictment against Michael Jackson for the alleged sexual abuse of a boy who’s now 14. Jackson had been arrested in November, accused of seven counts of child molestation. He pleaded not guilty in a January court date; lawyers say he’ll do the same at his arraignment. If convicted, he could serve 20 years. In 1993, Jackson dodged a similar bullet when a boy who refused to testify against him got a reported $20 million out-of-court settlement. This alleged victim plans to take the stand.

FAMILY FEUD

We know love means zero in the world of tennis, but we were still surprised to hear that Anna Kournikova’s folks are suing her for their part of the $5 million house they’d shared in Florida. Couldn’t this have been talked out somehow? (There are seven bedrooms.) Kournikova, 22, hasn’t competed in a year because of injuries, but it looks as if she might be headed for a court now.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-12” author: “Christopher Tekautz”

Beyonce Knowles is finally becoming a real music star. Sure, she’s sold 14 million albums in the United States alone, but no one takes a singer seriously anymore until she’s launched a fashion line. Knowles, 21, plans to call hers A Touch of Couture, which at least sounds classier than Shady (the House of Eminem), Fetish (Eve), G-Unit (50 Cent) or Rocawear (Jay-Z). Though she loves Marc Jacobs and Badgley Mischka, Knowles’s inspiration is her bootylicious self. “We are exposed to so much fashion because of what we do,” she says. “If we are going to wear other people’s clothes on the red carpet, then why can’t they be our own?” Talent, perhaps. “They’re jumping on the bandwagon, even celebrities not known for fashion,” says Sean John’s P. Diddy. “A lot of people can lose their shirts.” Especially if they don’t really know how to design them.

Leave the Pitts Alone!

No, they are not breaking up. Honest. But that hasn’t kept the celebrity- media vultures from spreading the rumor that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are history. Despite zero proof (and repeated denials) that the “Troy” stud is having an affair with his “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” costar Angelina Jolie, the gossip dogged Pitt and Aniston all the way to the Cannes Film Festival last week. Why? The split would make the Bennifer bust-up look like a blip–and sell oodles of magazines. “Readers are obsessed with celebrities in love, but they’re even more obsessed with celebs falling out of love,” says Us Weekly editor Janice Min, who has actually tried to stop this Pittiful gossip. “It’s refreshing to see that the fairy tale isn’t real. It makes people feel a little better about their own lives.” Sorry, folks. They’re happy.

Q&A: Alanis Morissette

Alanis Morissette is back with her fourth album (“So-Called Chaos”), a cute actor boyfriend (Ryan Reynolds) and a new title: ordained minister. She talked to NEWSWEEK’s Lorraine Ali.

You cut all your hair off.

Yeah, I’m a lot more comfortable with my sexuality now. For a long time I wanted to be a feminist who flies in face of convention. I kept my hair long and overcompensated by dressing up to here [brings her hand to her chin]. Now I like to wear sexy things as much as baggy clothes.

What caused that conflict?

Fame. On one hand, I felt it was my life purpose to be in the public eye; on the other hand, there was a lot of shame surrounding fame. The result would be me on the red carpet thinking, “Cool! I’m famous,” then there’d be another voice going, “Ugh. You are so pitiful. What are you doing here? Go home and make some eggs and go to bed.”

And you have more girl clothes.

Yeah, honey, fur and diamonds.

You still make heavy, personal songs.

People do ask why I’m so autobiographical, and isn’t it scary. My answer is that I have a low tolerance for pain. If I had a high tolerance, I probably wouldn’t be writing the songs I’m writing. The more I feel repressed or restrained, the more anxious I become. But if it’s just out there on the table, it’s like, “OK, what’s for lunch?”

You’ve been doing stand-up comedy?

Oh, God! I recently hosted one night at the Improv in L. A. I also took part in some of the skits. I don’t really publicize it ‘cause I don’t really want people coming in and pointing–“Hey, it’s her!”

And you’re an ordained minister?

Yeah, you can do it, too–on the Internet. One of my best friends got married and asked me to marry them. Cool, right? I was so nervous. It was at the Universal Life Church. Had it been a Catholic wedding, I probably would have tweaked it.

Survey: No Ifs, Ands Or Butts

Thanks to the magic of video, we’ve all seen Paris Hilton’s derriere, but how does it rate? L.A. fitness gurus Majid and Ahnjel Ali ranked the top celebrity bottoms–and slapped a few cheeks. Paris will be burning.

BEST MALE BUTTS:

Brad Pitt, Tobey Maguire, Vin Diesel

BEST FEMALE BUTTS:

Britney Spears, Jessica Alba, Beyonce Knowles

WORST MALE BUTTS:

Jack Nicholson, Kevin James, Jim Belushi

WORST FEMALE BUTTS:

Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Joan Rivers

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-20” author: “Thomas Gochal”

Superstar Chef Jacques Pepin calls his best-selling memoir, just appearing in paperback, “The Apprentice.” Not because he beat out rivals for 16 weeks to get a $250K gig, but because he started cooking at 13 1/2, became chef to the president of France, did TV with Julia, wrote 23 cookbooks–and says he’s still learning. Pepin lunched with NEWSWEEK’s Dorothy Kalins at New York’s French Culinary Institute, where he’s been dean since 1988. You supply the Maurice Chevalier accent.

You began as a child and paid your dues. What about today’s chefs who expect instant fame?

I don’t think we’re better; if I was 25 now, I’d probably have a publicist.

How have the basics of cooking changed?

In my time, cooking from scratch started with lighting the stove; then you had to manage the heat. Maybe catch the chicken and pluck it and cook it in a pot where everything stuck. You had to be careful. Today, people buy skinless breast of chicken, put it in a nonstick pan, add presliced mushrooms, prewashed spinach, and that’s cooking from scratch.

You teach craftsmanship and technique, but also economy.

The French have miserly, Cartesian minds. One of the hardest things for a chef to do is come in in the morning and go through the walk-in icebox. There’s 15 things left over, a half cup of sauce, a bowl of this, a gallon of that, four fillets of sole, two pork chops…

And you have to make a menu out of that?

First you start combining and then you go to the maitre d’ and say, “OK, I have four fillets of sole. Sell those first.”

So it’s not all about the artistic temperament.

Chefs can’t be subjective–they have to do things they’re not crazy about, on Monday after a hangover and a fight with their wife. Just as a home cook has to do.

Is it better to master a few things instead of hankering for novelty?

Young chefs ask me: “Chef, can I change the menu? I’ve done it for three weeks.” And I say: The chefs at Troisgros do a salmon with sorrel sauce maybe 6,000 times.

So Size Really Doesn’t Matter?

No wonder Melania Knauss, Donald Trump’s trophy-bride-to-be, looks cranky. At a Metropolitan Museum gala in New York last week, she wore her new $2 million engagement ring–and nobody noticed. (Not till later in the week did the glad news come out.) A 12-carat diamond may seem ostentatious to you, but in Trump World it’s just more bling. We think he should have given the $2 million to her favorite charity–but maybe he did.

• None dare call it greed: Madonna called the news “nothing short of treason.” She didn’t mean–well, take your pick–but the possibility that her label, Warner Music Group, might snarf up Maverick Records, in which Madonna is part owner and Warner an investor. Maverick’s heyday was Alanis Morissette’s 1995 “Jagged Little Pill”; Warner says Maverick has lost $66 million since 1999. Madonna says that’s not so, and that Warner is undervaluing it. (Lawsuits have been filed, but the details would just make your head hurt.) “This is not about Madonna, an artist with whom we have a longstanding and very successful relationship,” said a Warner spokesman in a statement–which tactfully omitted mention of her own sagging sales. One music exec told us, “You can bet they’ll do anything they can to keep her happy–to a point.”

• Oven-ready: Below, an exclusive peek at June’s W magazine spread of a pregnant Gwyneth Paltrow, who’s due that month. In case other expectant moms don’t feel sufficiently bloated, she reportedly went to the shoot after yoga class.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-06” author: “William Roof”

How does it feel to be competing on the charts with people like Usher? Very exciting. “Solitaire’s” been a No. 1 record on SoundScan for the last eight weeks.

When you hear covers of your songs, do you ever think, “I could’ve done a better job”? As long as they honor the melody and lyrics, I’m happy. I’ve had some of the great performers cover my songs: Elvis, Karen Carpenter, Johnny Mathis, Peggy Lee. I don’t love them all, but it’s very flattering.

Do you sometimes get tired of hearing them? Never. I still love turning on the car radio and hearing one of my songs. It’s one of the greatest thrills. And the royalties aren’t bad either.

You play Carnegie Hall on June 3. Yes. I recorded a CD called “Brighton Beach Memories: Neil Sedaka Sings Yiddish,” and I’ll sing those songs as a benefit for the Jewish theater in New York. I’ll be working with the Klezmatics. Isn’t that name cute? The songs come to me from my childhood. Mom used to play the records and we would sing at picnics, weddings, bar mitzvahs.

I’m Arab-American, and we always claimed you as one of our own. We thought you were Lebanese. That’s funny. Sedaka’s a Turkish name from my father’s side, and my mother’s family are Ashkenazi Jews. My name has been very helpful to me because it has an international ring. They thought I was Italian, Spanish, Japanese. When I toured Japan in the ’50s, there was a big poster of me with Asian eyes.

Have you thought of translating your hits into Yiddish? Um, no. I’ve never tried. It would take a bit of doing. I don’t even speak Yiddish.

I Cannes See Clearly Now Was it an early get-out-the-vote stunt? A Freudian attempt to get Dad to notice her? Another wardrobe malfunction? Whatever the reason John Kerry’s daughter Alexandra wore a see-through dress at the Cannes Film Festival, she certainly got attention for a 12-minute film she directed. Angling for Jenna Bush’s Naughty First Daughter crown may have proved irresistible, but in Kerry’s defense, this year’s dull festival needed a little frisson. A “Shark Tale” publicity stunt featuring Will Smith, Angelina Jolie and Jack Black on a fake shark actually made major news. Only Michael Moore’s Bush-bashing “Fahrenheit 9/11” generated any real buzz. Moore may have taken off the gloves to win this year’s Palme d’Or, but at least he didn’t take off his shirt. –Marc Peyser

Joey Makes New Friends If NBC is nervous about replacing “Friends,” it sure isn’t acting like it. Last week the network took the unusual step of showing the entire pilot of “Joey” to hundreds of advertising buyers at Radio City Music Hall. Maybe it was because Matt LeBlanc (sporting a goatee) was in the audience, or maybe it had something to do with seeing Drea de Matteo projected on a 30-foot screen, but “Joey” looks terrific. The pilot sends Joey to Los Angeles–of course, he forgets to change planes in Dallas–to break into Hollywood. De Matteo plays his buxom sister Gina, who’s also the overprotective mother of an improbably brilliant son (Paulo Costanzo). You can already guess where the jokes are–dumb-Joey gags, boob humor. Still, you expect familiarity from a spinoff, and “Joey” manages to be funny and sweet with only a few well-placed “Friends” references. (“Chandler and I are not a gay couple!” Joey says.) Maybe LeBlanc–and NBC–will have the last laugh after all. –M.P.

TV’s New Repeat Offenders

Funny how TV shows resemble a high-school reunion: you run into people you hadn’t seen for years and never thought you’d meet again. A look at next season’s casts from the past:

JEFF FOXWORTHY Last Series, Year Ended: ‘J. Foxworthy Show,’ 1997 New Series: ‘Blue Collar TV’

TERI HATCHER Last Series, Year Ended: ‘Lois & Clark,’ 1997 New Series: ‘Desperate Housewives’

ED ASNER Last Series, Year Ended: ‘The Closer,’ 1998 New Series: ‘Center Of the Universe’

JASON ALEXANDER Last Series, Year Ended: ‘Bob Patterson,’ 2001 New Series: ‘Listen Up’

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-07” author: “Janet Park”

BROADWAY BLUES: Rosie O’Donnell once took out ads bragging that “Taboo” would win a Tony. But her musical will be long gone when the statuettes are handed out. O’Donnell announced last week that she was closing shop in February, after three months and with more than $10 million of her money down the tubes. O’Donnell has always blamed bitchy theater reviewers for targeting her show, but they’re hardly the only ones. “Will & Grace” tweaked it last week, and Nathan Lane has started ad-libbing a line in “The Producers” that goes: “Never put your own money into the show. That’s taboo.” Rosie’s response? Produce another show! Next up: a stage version of “Find Me,” her autobiography. We’d like to suggest a title: “Chutzpah the Musical.”

MOVING ON: Not 30 seconds after NBC said this would indeed be the final season of “Frasier,” Kelsey Grammer said he was negotiating to take over as Max Bialystock after Lane leaves “The Producers” (again) this spring. Sounds great, except for one thing. The last time Grammer was on Broadway, playing “Macbeth” in 2000, the show closed after 13 performances.

Q&A: Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher’s new novel, “The Best Awful,” is a sequel to “Postcards From the Edge,” a wild, sad and funny fictionalization of her own stay in a mental ward. She spoke to NEWSWEEK’s Jeff Giles.

You went from being an icon for “Star Wars” to being an icon for manic-depression. Strange trip.

I am actually photographed in the “Abnormal Psychology” textbook. I didn’t even know, but my brother’s stepdaughter takes psychology.

You’re used as an example of bipolar disorder? That’s like that old joke “If you look in the dictionary under stupid, there’s a picture of you.”

And I always thought that was the lamest joke!

A lot of unusual people must feel drawn to you.

I did a speech in Texas, where there’s not a lot of tolerance for mental illness. And they lump everything together. I did a speech at a luncheon for, um, mental illness, chemical dependence and retardation–that’s a lump for them. I said, “I was up for six days and I was convinced that everything on TV was about me. CNN was on, and Cunanan, Versace and the police were on–and I was all three.” That’s what I said. And I recommended that when people get psychotic they not watch CNN. So I finish the speech, and I’m meeting people and a guy comes up and says, “You know what? I had the same thing! I also thought I was Cunanan and Versace.” So I said, “Small world!”

Was there really a tabloid story about your stay in the hospital called “Carrie Fisher’s Tragic Life”?

Yeah. It was fantastic. Four months later I gave my birthday party and I parked an ambulance in the driveway, and as you walked up the stairs there was a Princess Leia cutout with an IV hookup in her arm. I was desperately trying to make a joke of it.

In the novel, our heroine has a baby with a Hollywood power player–and then learns he’s gay. People will assume that you’re writing about your ex, Bryan Lourd. It’s a very loving portrait. You even say that the sex was good. Straight women already like gay men more. Why make matters worse by saying that they’re great in bed, too?

[Laughs] I didn’t say they are. I haven’t gone through the whole community! Let me do that for my next book.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-29” author: “Julia Hopper”

The bride wore white. The groom wore black–nail polish. Welcome to the wedding of actress Carmen Electra and rocker Dave Navarro, or, as they’re calling it on the MTV series, " ‘Til Death Do Us Part.” Electra talked with NEWSWEEK’s Marc Peyser about her made-for-TV nuptials.

You looked so elegant in that flowing gown. Won’t your fans be disappointed?

I’ve calmed down a lot. Having Dave in my life really changed everything. But it’s always been my dream for the dress and the veil to be white and very traditional. I wanted to be a princess.

So why did Dave look like a Goth?

That’s who he is. He’s got the goatee and the tattoos. I wanted him to be comfortable.

But black nail polish?

At least he didn’t wear the red.

Speaking of weddings, your last one was in Las Vegas–and annulled. So tell me: what was Britney thinking?

It’s so easy to do in Vegas. You can get married in a drive-through, like picking up a cheeseburger. Britney’s really young, but she’s a smart girl. I’m sure she did the right thing by getting it annulled.

Did you plan your own wedding, or did MTV do it?

We did everything, but I’m not much of a person for details. Dave was more of a bride than I was. He really gets into the details of the color of the napkin holder.

Who came up with the show’s title? " ‘Til Death Do Us Part” is pretty absolute.

I do believe it’s forever. I’m such a girl in that way. But you’re allowed to change your mind! Hopefully, it’s until death do us part. If not, maybe that’s a show, too.

Are we going to see lots of famous guests?

Gwen Stefani was there. Sharon Osbourne and Kelly and Jack. Hugh Hefner was there with his girlfriend.

Hef must have been pretty upset. No more centerfolds now that you’re an old married woman.

I still love to shoot sexy pictures. I’m still me. I love Playboy. I’ve been in it five or six times. Dave says it’s part of my prenup that I can continue to do that.

What About Bob?

When Robert Redford kicks off the Sundance Film Festival this week, he may find that people are talking little about the films and a lot about a new book that threatens to blemish his reputation. “Down and Dirty Pictures: Miramax, Sundance, and the Rise of Independent Film,” by Peter Biskind, asserts that while Redford deserves credit for being the architect of the indie movement, his passive-aggressive management style alienated his staff and filmmakers such as Steven Soderbergh. “I worked [at Sundance] for a year and a half before Bob spoke my name,” says one former employee in the book. Adds another, “Redford doesn’t fire people, he just stops talking to them.” And Soderbergh accuses Redford of undermining his third film, “King of the Hill,” and more or less stealing the right to direct “Quiz Show” from him. “The image that is given of [Redford]–as being a friend of the filmmaker–is not what I experienced,” he says.

Redford declined to be interviewed for the book. “I regret that he didn’t talk to me,” says Biskind, whose 1998 book, “Easy Riders, Raging Bulls,” became Hollywood’s must-read tome. “It would have benefited the book–and him–to see the world from his point of view.” Redford’s spokesman had no comment, but a source close to the actor said he had not read the book. He might want to. Most of the people at the festival in Park City, Utah, will be packing a copy. “I’m debating whether to go and do a book signing,” Biskind says, and then laughs. “But only for, like, an hour. I’ll get out of there before I get killed.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-06” author: “Edna Lee”

It’s a shame this page doesn’t bestow a Newsmaker of the Year award, because Michael Jackson deserves some kind of recognition for keeping our staff fully employed. In the last week alone, Jackson generated stories on claims that the Santa Barbara police abused him, concerns that the Nation of Islam has taken over his life, allegations that CBS paid him $1 million for a “60 Minutes” interview and counterclaims (complete with videotape evidence) that he exaggerated the abuse charges. Even in their heydays, Ben and Jen, Madonna and Courtney Love combined never inspired copy at this pace.

Of all these holiday-season gifts, the one that seems the most bizarre–and we use the term loosely–is the Nation of Islam story. Is there any black man in America who seems less likely to enlist the help of militant black separatists? The fact is, Jackson has been cozying up to the African-American establishment for months. He’s befriended radio host Steve Harvey, appeared at the BET and Soul Train Awards, and teamed up with Al Sharpton to help draw attention to his contractual dispute with Sony Music. It’s not unusual for black performers such as Denzel Washington and Spike Lee to employ Nation members in their security detail, as Jackson reportedly did at a Neverland Ranch Christmas party. “They are who you call when you want the white man to think twice and the black people to respect you,” says Mike Tyson, who has long been a Nation of Islam member. But there’s something strange in the Jackson situation. Both the organization and Jackson’s spokesman deny the Nation has had any influence in the singer’s business or personal affairs, yet Leonard Muhammad, the Nation of Islam’s chief of staff (and Louis Farrakhan’s son-in-law), stood behind Jackson at a televised press conference. “It’s ironic how Michael reaches out to the community when things are going bad,” says one African-American music executive. “It’s very sad and predictable, since O.J. did the same thing when he got into legal problems and went back to being white after it was over.” Back to white? Let’s hope that doesn’t require any more plastic surgery.

Q&A: Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman’s back in the Oscar race with the Civil War love story “Cold Mountain.” She spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Jeff Giles about the movie and her mates Russell Crowe and Naomi Watts.

Years ago, when you first read “Cold Mountain,” you suggested it to Tom Cruise. Were you thinking of playing Ada at that point?

Oh, no. There was no way they would have cast me back then.

Right. You weren’t Nicole Kidman yet.

[Laughs] What does that mean? I was married to Tom, and I said, “Oh, my God, you’ve got to go get this.” And he went and got it.

Tom eventually walked away. Anthony Minghella later cast you, Jude Law and Renee Zellweger on the same day. What if one of you had said no?

At one stage, I think Jude was going to say no! [Laughs] He was in the middle of a play, and he hadn’t read the screenplay. I kept saying, “Would Jude Law hurry up and read this? It is such a beautiful screenplay.” He then read it and became absolutely devoted.

“Cold Mountain” will be an Oscar contender. How do you feel about competition generally?

Strangely enough, my heart is also in Russell’s movie [“Master and Commander”] because I know him so well. And I’ve got my girlfriend Naomi in “21 Grams.”

OK, stop. You’re only hurting your own chances.

I’m hopeless. I’ll go and sell everybody else’s thing. But that’s OK. It feeds the industry. My God, there’s so much animosity, and it’s so much better to have generosity. I know what it took for those people to make those movies.

“Cold Mountain” doesn’t have a conventionally happy ending, but it’s certainly romantic.

The ending says “at least you found each other–that’s more than some people get.” There aren’t enough films about the belief in love. So many of us are so cynical. There’s something beautiful about saying, “Well, there can be great, mythic loves.”

Ada kisses Inman once, then literally waits years for him. Do you think there’s a kiss worth waiting years for, or is that 19th-century goofiness?

There’s definitely a kiss worth waiting for. Definitely. [Laughs] I hope so!

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-29” author: “Nancy Lovell”

Janice Dickinson isn’t content to just boss around the contestants on “America’s Next Top Model.” In her new book, “Everything About Me Is Fake… And I’m Perfect,” the outspoken former model gives the rest of the world advice, too–as she did with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

A model who can write. Who knew?

This is book two of the trilogy I’m writing. I’m “The Lord of the Rings” of supermodels.

Yet you say society pushes women to be too perfect. Why?

When I was on tour for book one, half the young girls were holding Victoria’s Secret catalogs, wanting breast implants. I’m going to be 50 and I was like, “No, no, this is wrong.”

Are you saying it’s OK to have your breasts done but you should be over 30?

I think so. I had my first child at 32, and then I had my breast implants inserted. I remember after, I walked into a restaurant and men were staring at my chest. I thought I had ketchup on my shirt.

You claim to be the first supermodel. What about Twiggy?

I was the first to do editorial, runway, TV commercials, spokesperson and catalogs. Those are five separate categories. Twiggy didn’t do runway. I’m here to bring back the era of the supermodel, which is o-v-e-r.

Are there any models you like?

Tyra, Naomi, Cindy, Alek Wek. I love Giselle but she can’t speak. I think she should get her nose fixed, too.

Do you think the definition of a supermodel also includes sleeping with a rock star?

Hell, no. The Rolling Stones, the Beatles–they sought me out. I was on the cover of every magazine. It was finally my turn to pick and choose.

Is there anyone you didn’t sleep with that you wish you had?

This book is not about who I slept with. It’s about perfection addiction. I’m chronically punctual. I wish that I wasn’t. I’m learning how to exhale. The best is yet to come–no pun intended.

Bill, Lil’ and a Trip to Splitsville

Who won “The Apprentice”? Depending on how you feel about working for Donald Trump, it was Bill Rancic. But Rancic, who will oversee the construction of a Trump skyscraper in Chicago, isn’t the only champ. KFC offered runner-up Kwame Jackson $25,000 to appear in its ads. Amy Henry says the Donald offered her a job, though Trump says she asked for one. “We still have to negotiate,” she says. Even the prevaricating princess, Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, snagged a commercial for Herbal Essence shampoo. Must have been her squeaky-clean reputation.

They had such great hair:

In our post-Ben-and-J.-Lo universe, even B-list breakups get first-class treatment. Case in point: John and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, who got caught in a feeding frenzy when they announced they’d separated. Romijn-Stamos (no word on whether she’ll de-hyphenate) got the worst of it, as she was promoting her movie “The Punisher.” How does she feel? Is John Cusack the Other Man? When she arrived at the premiere, Romijn-Stamos dissed the photographers and snuck out the back. Alas, she’s got another movie, “Godsend,” opening next week.

Lookin’ good:

Pals of rapper Lil’ Kim noticed she quickly turned herself in last week after being charged with perjury and obstruction of justice stemming from a 2001 shooting in New York. Why? To avoid the dreaded makeup-free mug shot. “Kim does not like looking bad–or her version of bad, which is no hair weave or fake eyelashes,” says one friend. “That would kill her before jail would.”

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-08” author: “Rosette Garrison”

After three years of walking the earth in the early ’70s TV series “Kung Fu,” David Carradine vanished into a straight-to-video career. Then Quentin Tarantino called. Now he’s the titular villain in the director’s two-volume action opus “Kill Bill.” Carradine, 67, spoke about the journey with NEWSWEEK’s Devin Gordon.

We never see Bill in “Vol. 1”–we just hear his voice. When did you find out you’d been cut?

It was kind of in passing. I was at the studio redoing some dialogue and Quentin just said, “Oh, by the way, you’re not in ‘Volume 1’.” [Laughs] He wasn’t even lookin’ at me.

And you felt…?

Well, I felt a jolt, I’ll tell ya that. But then I realized it would work. I’m a mystery in the first half and I dominate the second. That’s cool.

Tarantino wrote the part just for you–but then gave it to Warren Beatty.

Well, it wasn’t a betrayal because, let’s face it, you’ve got to get a deal for your movie. Warren’s a big draw.

What happened to him?

I don’t really think it was possible for Quentin and Warren to continue a romance for as long as they had to. They’re just nothing like each other. And I don’t really think Warren wanted to learn kung fu. Can you imagine Warren Beatty getting in his sweats every morning and going to the gym for three months? Can you imagine Warren taking orders? He’s f—ing royalty.

You can say it: Warren Beatty’s a wimp.

[Laughs] I don’t think you can say that. I mean, come on, he’s Clyde Barrow!

Any idea how many movies you’ve made?

102.

Feel free to ballpark if you’re not certain.

Yeah. [Laughs] I try to keep track.

I must say, you’ve got a cool phone voice.

Well, you’ve gotta have a voice if you’re gonna do Shakespeare, so those chops are there. It’s funny, I keep hearing about my voice, but to me it’s just my voice. It’s nothing special.

Posh and Becks: Trouble in Paradise

Britain’s royal family is suffering through another scandal. Not Charles and Camilla, but the new regal couple, soccer god David Beckham and his wife, ex-Spice Girl Victoria. The overexposed duo has been hounded even more than usual since the British tab News of the World published text messages between Beckham and his then personal assistant, Rebecca Loos, 26. (The racy exchanges include numerous references to tongues, nipples and cotton undergarments.) The two allegedly started the affair last year after a lonely David, who now plays in Madrid, felt abandoned by his wife, who’s busily trying to sing again. Beckham calls the allegations “ludicrous,” but Victoria is more circumspect: “We have been through a lot worse than this and we’re definitely going to get through it.” If you can survive the Spice Girls, you can survive anything.

Navel gazing:

Debra Messing had her baby last week, and not a moment too soon. Watching Messing on “Will & Grace” was getting confusing, considering that Grace isn’t pregnant and producers barely hid Messing’s middle. Such a blind eye to maternity is the new sitcom custom. On “The King of Queens,” Leah Remini is getting round with no TV explanation. And Courteney Cox is showing on “Friends,” although Monica can’t conceive. Guess that’s why it’s called acting.

Heartburn:

Rocco DiSpirito is suing the backers of Rocco’s on 22nd St., the made-for-TV eatery in “The Restaurant.” DiSpirito alleges that, among other things, China Group Management made him use frozen pasta and, worse, wouldn’t pay his 79-year-old mother, Nicolina, who toiled away making meatballs. Make DiSpirito look bad on TV–fine. But pick on mama and you’re looking for trouble.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-14” author: “Tina Bales”

Unlike Hulk Hogan, The Rock (a.k.a. Dwayne Douglas Johnson) has successfully gone from chewing up opponents to chewing the scenery, most recently in “Walking Tall.” He spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

I don’t know how to address you. Rock, the Rock, Dwayne–how does it work?

[Laughs] Dwayne’s fine.

When did you get the nickname?

When I began wrestling. Then I started thinking about other Rocks I’d heard of. I came up with Rock Hudson and I thought, “OK, nice little ring, nice little comparison.”

A wrestler who doesn’t mind being compared to Rock Hudson?

Not at all. I’m secure in my sexuality.

In the movie trailer you’ve got this two by four.

Four by four. It’s based on a true story about a guy who was cheated in a casino. He had a fence post; he just grabbed the first thing he could, and he used it in a frontier-justice kind of way.

Did you get any splinters?

It’s funny. With all the action, there’s nothing worse than a splinter. It hurts like hell. I cried louder than my 2-year-old daughter.

Is your acting getting better?

Um, I feel like it is. I’ve immersed myself into the craft and worked with really good coaches. I grew up in the entertainment business–professional wrestling–but I never grew up across from Juilliard or anything like that. I’m doing a comedy with John Travolta now and the timing has to be impeccable, so I have an acting coach with me daily.

In wrestling you were both a bad guy and a good guy. Which was more fun? Oh, bad guy. It almost became a Don Rickles show every night, where I’d insult the audience.

You spoke at the Democratic and the Republican conventions. Are we going to see Senator Rock? President Rock?

I’ll let Arnold take care of that.

Is Oprah Next in the FCC’s Cross Hairs?

Nobody expected Howard Stern to go quietly, but who’d have thought he’d take Oprah down with him? Last week the King of All Media, whose radio show has been canceled in six markets, posted a conversation about oral sex from Oprah Winfrey’s TV show on his Web site–one about as graphic as the three-year-old discussion for which he was fined $27,500–and urged listeners to complain to the FCC about the Queen of Daytime. And sure enough, the FCC confirms that it’s begun reviewing complaints against Oprah. We’re not here to give advice–besides, we’d love to watch it all play out–but we have to ask: do the Bushies really want to take this lady on?

J. Lo No Mo? Sources in Jennifer Lopez’s camp say she’s trying to shuck that diva rep, with a scheduled appearance at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards, a guest shot playing (and kidding) herself on “Will & Grace”–and an Orwellian name change. “You’ll never hear anybody who is around her call her J. Lo anymore,” says our source. “J. Lo doesn’t exist. It’s not a person. Jennifer exists. We’ve totally made her a human being.” This source blames her ex-manager Benny Medina for her famously outrageous requests, such as the gobs of white lilies and candles in her hotel rooms. “She’s not the sweetest girl in the world,” he–or she?–says, “but she’s not this diva monster.” Noted. But what’s up with those reports of her dating old flame Marc Anthony, who’s going through an embarrassing separation? “Jen’s Achilles’ heel will always be her personal life. As disciplined as she is as a performer, her personal life is always going to look to the outside world as a mess.” The more things change…

Dough? Doh! Bart’s playing hooky. Homer’s not home. Mr. Burns is a no-show at the power plant. Moe’s bar is closed. The voices behind “The Simpsons” want more than the $125,000 per episode they now make–how about $350,000?–so such stars as Hank Azaria (Moe) and Harry Shearer (Mr. Burns) have been boycotting script read-throughs. Fox won’t comment, but don’t be surprised if Springfield becomes a high-rent town.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-30” author: “Mary Dunn”

So this is it? After 11 seasons, the very last episode of “Frasier” airs on May 13? Kelsey Grammer told NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin about it, but he refused to say it wasn’t so.

Do you think you’re going to cry like a 12-year-old girl at the final episode?

Probably like my 2-year-old.

Do you think NBC is in trouble, with “Friends” and “Frasier” both going off the air?

Well, yes. [Laughs] I’m sure they’ll think of something. They can throw on another four hours of Donald Trump.

You’ve played the same guy for nearly a quarter of a century. Are you completely sick of him?

No, not at all. He’s a character that’s kind of like a muse. He’ll go anywhere for you.

Did you know you beat out James Arness from “Gunsmoke” as the longest-running TV character?

I think I tied him. If I’d done another year, I’d beat him. I doubt I’ll find another role that will last 21 years.

You’re getting, like, $10 million an episode. Am I close?

Somewhere in that range. There have been some surreal moments of understanding what I was getting for what I love doing.

You do the voice of Sideshow Bob in “The Simpsons.” Do you hate Sideshow Mel?

What’s that?

Sideshow Mel, Bob’s replacement.

Oh, you know what, I haven’t stayed up with it. It’s a horrible confession to make. I’ve seen “The Simpsons” several times but I have not seen Sideshow Mel. Isn’t that sad?

So what are your plans?

We have a musical of “Scrooge” that we are going to do for NBC and there’s a possibility of some work in New York. Some Broadway.

You trained as a Shakespearean actor. Are you worried that if you play King Lear one day someone’s going to yell out from the audience, “Hey, where’s Niles?”

It would sadden me but it wouldn’t surprise me. I did “Macbeth” three years ago on Broadway and all they wrote was, “Is this Frasier I see before me?”

Golden Opportunity

Over dinner after the Academy Awards, Oprah Winfrey could not stop talking about Charlize Theron. “She’s such a movie star!” Consider it so. Following the model of fellow trophy-holder Angelina Jolie, Theron has landed a career-high $10 million to play the superheroine of “Aeon Flux,” based on the MTV cult-hit animated series. First, though, audiences will see her in “Head in the Clouds,” a 1930s drama she made with boyfriend Stuart Townsend. Speaking of whom, it must have been a bittersweet night for him. He was originally cast in Viggo Mortensen’s “Lord of the Rings” role.

Have You Met Ms. Jones?

Just wait. Actor-writer Sarah Jones has been doing her solo show, “Bridge &Tunnel,” in a tiny New York theater to such sensational reviews that there’s talk of moving it to Broadway. Jones, 29, assumes 14 different characters–a cheery Pakistani accountant, an acerbic Jamaican nanny, a modest Chinese mom–to create a hilarious and moving mosaic of the new immigrant experience. Jones got a boost when Meryl Streep (a connoisseur of spot-on character accents, after all) saw her perform at a benefit last fall. “Later Meryl found the time to sit down and say, ‘What do you want to do, kiddo?’ " Jones recalls. Streep, who signed on as one of the show’s producers, “agreed to be this incredible champion and spread the word. It’s been so amazing–I literally got a fax from Al Pacino after he saw it!” Jones has signed with Streep’s Hollywood agent, too, so you haven’t heard the last from this gifted chameleon.

Knives Come Out

Back in the day, Broadway press agents were deemed the lowest of the low–like Tony Curtis in “The Sweet Smell of Success.” But last week Bill Evans, 53, donated a kidney to ailing playwright Neil Simon, 76, for whom he promoted several plays. “We’ve been friends for 25 years,” says Simon. “It’s wonderful of him to do this.” On the downside, Evans has ruined the reputation of press agents everywhere.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-27” author: “Elnora Terry”

If you have a Johnny Depp fantasy, you’re in good company. After “Pirates of the Caribbean” grossed $305 million (more than Depp’s previous 11 movies combined), he’s become one of the most sought-after leading men. Depp, 40, has been flooded with offers, but the swarthy expat is booked. “The Secret Window” opens next week; he’s just finished playing a 17th-century poet in “The Libertine”; Jerry Bruckheimer wants him for a “Pirates” sequel (or two), but Depp is concentrating on playing Willy Wonka in Tim Burton’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Word is that Depp was the top choice of “Charlie” author Roald Dahl’s widow, who knows a thing or two about sweet choices.

Rosie Gets Hitched

After six years and four children together, Rosie O’Donnell finally made an honest woman out of Kelli Carpenter. O’Donnell and Carpenter joined the thousands of gay people who have gotten married in San Francisco, though it’s safe to assume that the world’s most famous lesbian couple didn’t have to wait in line. “One thing ran through my mind on the plane out here,” says O’Donnell. “Liberty and justice for all.”

A Big, Fat Audience

Rosie’s ceremony was not, however, the biggest wedding event of the week. That was Fox’s “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance,” a devious reality show in which a woman named Randi would win $500,000 if she could get her family to sit through a quickie marriage to–well, you saw the title. “Fiance” attracted 20 million viewers, 7 million more than the finale of “The Bachelorette.” “Audiences are too savvy,” says Fox’s Mike Darnell, who hired an actor to play the fiance and sabotage the whole thing. “They like to see a twist.” Next thing you know, someone will try a four-foot bachelor.

Q&A: Jamie-Lynn Discala

She plays the first daughter on “The Sopranos,” but before shooting the show’s fifth season, which begins on Sunday, Jamie-Lynn Sigler flew the coop and got hitched. Mrs. Discala (who’s married to her former manager, A.J.) will appear in a USA Network movie about Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss next month. She spoke with NEWSWEEK’s Devin Gordon.

You’re the famous one–shouldn’t your husband have changed his name? [Laughs] He was actually against me changing my name. Everybody was. I was very adamant about it, though. I’m old-fashioned.

Do the guys on the set treat you differently now that you’re a married woman?

Absolutely. They don’t treat me so much like a little girl anymore. Sometimes they’d have conversations, and I’d be there and they’d say, “Oh, let’s save this for another time.” But now, since I’m married, they obviously know I do things that they didn’t want to think I did.

You’ve been invited to the grown-ups’ table?

I even get invited to the casino events now.

Can you tease James Gandolfini? He doesn’t seem like the teasable type.

Oh, no, absolutely. He’s the star, so you’d think he’d be the diva. But he’s a really fun, humble guy.

How would he react to, say, a wedgie?

[Laughs] He’d definitely seek revenge. And he’d really think about it.

I’ve seen a few episodes of the new season and there’s one thing missing: you. What’s going on?

Aw, thanks! I know, I’m not there much. But I do resurface. There’s a big surprise in episode nine with Meadow. I was shocked when I read it. It’s a really funny episode about how her personal relationships tie in with the family business.

So you mean Meadow will be whacking people soon?

Maybe ordering them. [Laughs] I’m not sure she’ll do the dirty work. The don’s daughter gets to skip a few notches.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-09” author: “John Adams”

She’s a single mom to her toddler, Maddox, she tours the world as a U.N. rep and she’s just shot a new movie, yet Angelina Jolie found time to talk with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

In “Taking Lives” you play an FBI profiler. You get cast a lot as a strong woman. Are you really a good actress or just a tough broad?

I’ve got stronger now that I’ve got a kid. I know what I’d kill for.

How many kids do you want to adopt?

My dream is to have one from every country, every different religion, every background, every different culture–well, not every different culture, but many different ones so I can put them together and watch them share.

You’ve talked about having close friends that you sleep with. What’s the vetting process?

Vetting process?

Yeah, there are some guys in my office who want to become your close friend really badly.

I don’t have a lot of those friends. It may sound very provocative, but the reality is that, since my focus is to just be a parent, everything else about being a woman is separated. I can have fun with it as long as I don’t take it home. I’ve never dated. I’ve been married twice, so it’s my time to be open and have fun.

More power to you. How would you suggest ordinary folks go about doing this?

You have to have a lot of discussions beforehand, so nobody gets hurt and there is not a secret wish for more. You have to be extremely honest in any relationship.

How much do you do around the house? Do you cook?

I’m a working mother. I don’t pretend to do everything. I’m not the best person in the kitchen. A lot of sandwiches, cereals, salads. But I’ll learn how to do the proper Sunday roast now that I’m living in England.

Brace for a Diva Invasion

It’s hard to believe there’s never been a major concert tour headlined entirely by African-American women, but better late than never. Next week Beyonce, Alicia Keys and Missy Elliott kick off their “Ladies First Tour.” Tickets have sold out in hours; both New York and L.A. had to add two more shows. “I love to see the success of my sisters,” Keys says. “It shows we’re not some flash in the pan.” But this mutual-admiration society can stay together for only a month or so: Keys has a solo tour, Elliott has a TV show and Beyonce… well, just being Beyonce is a full-time job.

For Their Own Good?

Last week such hip-hoppers as P. Diddy, DMX and Ja Rule–all of whom have bought pricey property in the Miami area–learned the Miami PD was doing secret surveillance on them. Official explanation: to protect them from possible feud-related violence. New York-based 50 Cent says he was the subject of similar activities by the NYPD: “I’d be a fool to believe they’re looking out for me. The police show up after someone is dead. Hell, I watch ‘Law & Order’.”

Olaf a Minute:

“I don’t need a great excuse to be a freak,” Jim Carrey says. He’s got one anyway, as the evil Count Olaf in “Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events.” It’s based on the best-selling books about the ever-suffering Baudelaire orphans, whom Olaf pursues for their fortune. The film, directed by Brad Silberling (“Casper”), gives the manic Carrey a giant canvas. “It’s a blast!” he says. “Basically, Brad has been turning the camera on and letting me go mental. I’ve done more improvisation on this movie than ever. It’s hard to keep a straight face.” When the movie premieres in December, audiences could have the same problem.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-10” author: “Anna Manzanares”

My son brought a book called “The Ant Bully” home from the school library, and as we were reading it I thought, “This would make a wonderful movie.” So the next day I optioned it. He was 5 at the time, and now he’s 10, so it’s been a long process.

No, but I was closely involved in the script. We had long discussions about whether the ants should be standing up.

No, but I remember when we lived in Nevada there were two types of ants, black and red, and I remember putting them in a box and watching them fight.

No! But I was there opening night with a bunch of roses, and I took photos of the audience from backstage.

I don’t think the producers would really go for that.

Oh, yes, there is a cross- dressing role in my résumé.

Yes, and I remember watching the original episode and thinking, “Man, that cheerleader is cute.” So not only do I end up marrying the cheerleader but a leggy showgirl.

God bless America!

Angelina already has her man. Now she’s got Jennifer Aniston’s movie, too. Jolie is set to play Mariane Pearl in “A Mighty Heart,” Pearl’s biography of her late husband, Wall Street Journal reporter Danny Pearl, who was murdered by terrorists in Pakistan in 2002. Once upon a happier time, Aniston and Brad Pitt bought the rights to the book for their company, Plan B. Now he’s still a partner in the company, but she isn’t. Did Jen once hope to play Pearl herself? Pitt’s spokeswoman says no; Aniston’s says no comment. The author herself has no regrets. “I am delighted that Angelina Jolie will be playing my role,” Pearl said. “I deeply admire her work and what she is committed to.” Good thing Pitt has such good taste in leading ladies.

Missing: baby girl of press-addicted parents. Nearly three months after the birth of baby Suri, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s daughter, credible sightings have yet to begin. Suri’s birth certificate, released last week, revealed it had been filed 20 days after the birth–twice the time allowed by law–and bore an illegible witness signature from a mystery “friend.” Celebrity-bloggers are pouncing, claiming Suri doesn’t even exist. Next they’ll say the whole relationship is a sham.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-10” author: “Leonard Fowler”

Rod Stewart has a new album called “Still the Same … Great Rock Classics of All Time.” He spoke with Nicki Gostin.

I am lazy. I’ve admitted that since 1971. I made my name as an interpreter of songs and I get great pleasure from it.

I don’t think people buy my records because I’ve got good hair! People love my voice–although it is a very good head of hair.

Yeah, one. I’d been nominated 15 times. I was actually enjoying not winning. It felt like the martyr on the cross.

My very good friend Long John Baldry, who died last year, gave it to me. He was a wonderfully funny homosexual.

I don’t mind. I’ve got very effeminate ways, and my hair was like Dusty Springfield’s.

Next year.

Yes, we have a date, thank you very much. Nice try!

I sort of played on it 20 years ago. Not anymore–anyone who knows me knows I’m a very generous person.

I wouldn’t allow you. You’d be surprised how many dinners I buy for people. When you’ve got some money and you’ve got friends who haven’t done well, you’ve got to help them. [ Pause .] Is that an invitation?

Now that “Grey’s Anatomy” is the no. 1 series on TV–it beat “CSI” again on Thursday, with almost 23 million viewers–you’d expect a diva showdown. But who’d think it would involve the guys ? Last week Patrick Dempsey (McDreamy) and Isaiah Washington (Preston Burke) got into a scuffle after Washington complained about other castmates’ tardiness. The first report had the two in a “violent brawl,” with Washington holding Dempsey in a chokehold. A follow-up story cast doubt on the neck action, though Washington confirmed he and Dempsey argued “nose to nose.” Somewhere along the way, Washington also reportedly called poor T. R. Knight (George) a “bitch.” The actors’ reps won’t comment, other than to say everyone’s moved on. The real winner? ABC, which grabbed another “Grey’s” headline. When you’re up against “CSI,” every hit counts.

Barbra Streisand is good at comedy–think “Meet the Fockers,” “What’s Up, Doc?,” “Yentl”–but in New York last week the joke came with a nasty punch line. During her concert, Streisand put on a skit costarring a bumbling George Bush impersonator. Most of the crowd ate it up–except the one guy who didn’t. He began heckling Streisand, much to the liberal diva’s surprise. She stopped the show cold, and heckled right back. “Shut the f– up!” she shouted. “Shut up if you can’t take a joke!” Just shows you can take the girl out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take the Brooklyn out of the funny girl.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-21” author: “Lynne Powell”

It’s not the first time Diaz and Timberlake have snapped at a photographer. Two years ago a man accused the power couple of chasing him and snatching his camera, though no criminal charges were ever filed. And earlier this year Diaz won a civil suit she’d filed against a guy who had taken topless photos of her when she was 19 and later tried to sell them back to her for $3.5 million. Note to the paparazzi: you guys are slow learners.

–Marc Peyser

Q&A: Beck

The musical chameleon is back with his second new CD in 18 months, a hip-hop-heavy sonic hodgepodge called “The Information.” He spoke with Devin Gordon.

No, that’s our neighbor’s cat. I don’t know its name, but my 2-year-old son has named it Mindu.

Yeah. We basically just set up the camera and whoever wandered into the frame got in. My life is in my music, and I don’t really separate the two. So if he wanders into the studio, we’ll turn on a mike. One of his first words was “Hi!” So that’s on a track.

I had asked them what the ultimate record that could ever possibly be made would sound like.

No, no, totally sober! But when you’re in the studio at 3 in the morning, people get a bit loopy.

Yeah. We made puppets based on all the band members, and we have puppeteers mimicking all our movements. We project it onto a big movie screen. I have all kinds of ideas. I wanted to have a whole band built out of robots, and their limbs would fly off from doing Pete Townshend windmills. I probably have to develop the concept a little more.

It’s a good question. But he doesn’t have any choice, because he’s got so many unbelievable songs. How could you stay home if you’ve got those songs in your back pocket? [ Laughs ] So if I get enough good songs going, I’d probably get out there.

The prime minister of Australia gave the eulogy at Steve Irwin ’s funeral, and celebrities including Kevin Costner and Russell Crowe sent satellite tributes. But the most moving speech came from the Crocodile Hunter’s 8-year-old daughter, Bindi. “I don’t want my daddy’s passion to ever end. I want to help endangered wildlife just like he did.” Bindi wore her poise and her khakis with the ease her father did. “I have the best daddy in the whole world, and I will miss him every day.” She added: “My daddy was my hero.” Bindi is ours, too. -M.P.

Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench lit up the night during the 13th Annual Premiere Women in Hollywood dinner last week. Vote for next week’s photo starting Thursday at noon, ET, at Newsmakers.NEWSWEEK.com .

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-29” author: “Jame Rojas”

The multiplatinum Killers just released a new CD, “Sam’s Town.” Lead singer Brandon Flowers talked to Jac Chebatoris.

I think that gave us a lot of confidence, so we’re coming out guns blazing.

We’ve embraced our Western roots! That’s what the album is about and we thought we might as well go with it. Maybe I’m going to be reincarnated as [the outlaw] Josey Wales.

People who are actually friends with Jason Lee have stopped and talked to Ronnie and did not know it wasn’t Jason.

Yeah. It’s difficult sometimes. I think growing up in Las Vegas was a good primer for it.

I feel kind of bad that his name has been attached to us, because what if he doesn’t like it? All I did was tell a journalist that’s what I was listening to. The album doesn’t sound like “Born to Run.” People get brainwashed into thinking that’s what it sounds like because of what they’ve read.

I would do, like, a musical.

“The Sound of Music.” Maybe I can be the Captain. The salt and pepper is coming.

Oh, I have hundreds.

No, I’m just going to let it happen. I’m a natural man.

Shanna Moakler: Why Are You Famous?

SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO, WE FIGURED out who she is. Think of it as a public service. Here’s Moakler by the numbers; you can thank us later.

29% Paris Hilton alleges that Moakler punched her in the face.

37% Appears on “Meet the Barkers” with hubby Travis; now divorcing

5% Sues former boyfriend Oscar de la Hoya for $62.5M

7% Receives crown for Miss USA in 1995

22% Contestant on the third season of “Dancing With the Stars.” Gets booted off even before Jerry Springer!

One thing for sure: this woman is not Angelina Jolie. Beyond that? Murky. Madonna visited an AIDS orphanage in Malawi, and the child-welfare ministry said it expected her to file adoption papers last Thursday. Didn’t happen. Her publicist said the visit had to do with her Raising Malawi project, which will provide food, shelter and education, and had “no information or confirmation” about an individual child: “She’s kind of adopting a whole nation of children.” Is that a denial? We report, you decide.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-16” author: “Sharon Gonzalez”

It remains to be seen what the effect will be on Gibson’s career. “It’s bad,” says a top studio exec, who requested anonymity because of the sensitive subject. “I’m not so much of an idealist that I think people won’t do business with him now–if he announced he was going to make ‘Braveheart 2’ tomorrow, the line would form–but 25 years from now people in Hollywood will still be outraged by this.”

But has Gibson’s behavior damaged him with the Christian audience that made “The Passion” a $612 million hit worldwide? “Christians in America will not abide anti-Semitism on any level,” says Jonathan Bock, president of Grace Hill Media, which specializes in marketing films to Christians. “But they’re also a forgiving bunch, and I suspect that if his apologies are sincere his fans will stick by him.” If they like his movies, that is. Gibson’s next project, “Apocalypto,” which he directed but does not star in, is an action adventure concerning ancient Mayans, and never seemed likely to mobilize Christians. Disney says it will still release the movie Dec. 8, but the conventional wisdom is that the studio will eventually drop it or push it to 2007.

How did Gibson come to this? It’s a question insiders are puzzling over. “What happened to him?” asks the studio exec. “George Clooney, today, is what Mel Gibson used to be: handsome, witty, star of hit movies, acclaimed director, Oscar winner. At some point, Mel went outside the system. Something ruptured.”

History suggests that stars can weather scandals as long as the public never thought they were pure in the first place. Meg Ryan’s affair with Russell Crowe would not have hurt her career if she hadn’t been America’s Sweetheart. Instead it all but destroyed it.

Last week Gibson’s popularity didn’t seem particularly diminished. A CNN poll found that 58 percent of people still considered themselves his fans. Wyatt Duncan, a Baptist youth minister in Boise, Idaho, said that while he’s disappointed in Gibson’s behavior, it won’t stop him from seeing his movies. “I still have great respect for the man,” he said. “If he’s honest and is getting help, who am I to judge?” That may be the best news Gibson got all week.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-10” author: “Kenneth Newman”

John C. Reilly costars in the Will Ferrell comedy “Talladega Nights.” He spoke last week with NEWSWEEK’s Nicki Gostin.

I have a lot of respect for Gene Hackman, but I think we’re very different. I think it’s when people aren’t imaginative enough to find a new way to describe someone.

That movie could have used more of a sense of humor. That was the attempt to take NASCAR seriously, and “Talladega” is the attempt to … I don’t know, I guess when you start satirizing things it means they’ve kind of arrived.

I can’t say I’m a huge sports fan of any kind.

I understand why people think it’s exciting. As far as sitting in the hot sun for hours and hours–that part I don’t get.

We went to the Richard Petty Driving Experience in Charlotte. First you go as a passenger, and then they set you loose on your own 10 minutes later. The insurance company didn’t really think too much of having any of the actors actually drive the race cars during shooting.

Yeah! I was terrified.

I was OK. I came in first among the actors, which everybody made a big deal out of. Like, “Oh, my God, you won!” But to me, it was like I was the most naive or stupidest one who put his foot down on the gas pedal.

We Guess It Could Have Been Gremlins

Was his instantly legendary Tour de France comback too miraculous? Floyd Landis tested positive for high testosterone levels after his climb through the Alps. At press time, Landis, 30, still hoped to be exonerated. But barring another miractle, he may be the first Tour champ to be stripped of his title.

–Devin Gordon

So Lindsay Lohan got hospitalized. (Stop the presses.) “Overheating” on set? Maybe. Her studio head blamed “All-Night Heavy Partying.” Some free medical advice:

Dehydration

Be sure to drink plenty of clear fluids, especially this time of year. And, no, Grey Goose doesn’t count.

Exhaustion

Maintain a healthy diet. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but you have to eat it.

Asthma Attack

Chill out and inhale deeply through your nose. No, no, we’re being serious.

–Joshua Alston

At 2:36 a.m. last Friday, Mel Gibson was clocked driving his Lexus 87mph in a 45mph zone on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, and arrested on suspicion of DUI. (He’d been busted for drunken driving in 1984, and started going to AA meetings in 1991.) It sounded like one more big-name relapse story–until a celebrity Web site got hold of it.

On Friday night, TMZ.com cited “law enforcement sources” and “a source directly connected with the case” in alleging that Gibson had gone on an unseemly rant while in police custody. The site also posted what it said was the handwritten version of the arrest report.

By Saturday afternoon, the story had spread far enough for Gibson to issue a statement on the matter. “I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested,” he acknowledged, “and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said … I have battled with the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse.” He’d better hope public opinion treats him more kindly than he treated the Jews in his film “The Passion.”

–David Gates

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-16” author: “Justin Hutton”

I’m trying to get comfortable with aging. It’s hard. Reality is really tough.

No. They don’t do you any good except make you violent. I’ve been on everything but now I meditate. Meditation helps calm me down a lot.

Yeah, I had my stomach made the size of a walnut and I still maintain my weight at 180.

Well, it takes a lot of discipline. I used to just gorge. Now I gorge all day on smaller amounts. I’m still fat and I always will be and I don’t care.

Oh yeah.

Of course. I’m sure I irritate them, too.

Well, I know it’s unbelievable but I irritate people daily. The truth is I like it or I wouldn’t do it. It’s fun to see what’s underneath all the fake niceness, when you scratch and you see the crazy person come out.

Actually I do have one serious, nice boyfriend, and then I have several gay boyfriends. And then I have my dreams.

About having sex with all the hot men.

I’m not going to say.

No, I don’t like that off-the-rack kind of thing. I like odd. I have odd choices in my head.

Once again, we fight through the never-ending lava flow of celebrity gossip by relating the hottest news in the fewest possible words. This week, we tackle TomKat, Madge and Naomi.

MRS. CRUISE NO. 3

November 18:

Circle the date, weep softly. You’re not invited.

OUT OF AFRICA

Madonna and child do Oprah. Madge: keep the kid, Dump the lame accent.

MILLION-DOLLAR BABY

Stop (allegedly) hitting people, Miss! It’s not model behavior.

Did someone hit Nicole Richie in the head? That would explain why she finally woke up and noticed what the rest of us have seen for a long time–she’s way too skinny. Richie, 25, has checked herself into an “undisclosed facility” where doctors will assess, according to Richie’s spokeswoman, “why she’s not putting on any weight.” Could it be, perhaps, because Nicole doesn’t eat enough ? Actually, Richie insists that’s not the case. “This is not treatment for an eating disorder,” says the spokeswoman. Right. And Paris Hilton is a great actress.

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2023-01-26” author: “John Guerrero”

I was approached about making an album, but I had no desire to do another pop one. It kind of came out of left field, and because of my love of French music I had a feeling I could probably do it, but I wasn’t sure.

That’s from years of cigarettes and booze.

I went to Berlitz, but that didn’t help. I live between France and England, and soon Austria. When I’m there I go to French classes and I have a French tutor. I had somebody in the studio to help me along, because sometimes I needed an extra ear to kind of go, “No, it’s this, it’s not that.”

She is, by far. She’s much better. I don’t know how she did it because I couldn’t bear the whole 24-hour surveillance thing.

My name was always followed by how much I weighed. It was horrible. It really does your head in. That’s why I didn’t have myself airbrushed on the cover of my album. I thought, no, this is me. I’m not thin, I’m voluptuous and I’m extremely comfortable in my own skin.

We were only extraordinary in that we were girls doing exactly what the boys did, so it was “Oh, my God, they’re so wild.” But we were really young, we had a lot of money, we had no responsibilities, we were famous and we really took advantage of that.

I tell my 15-year-old son when he goes out the door to a party, “If you do drugs, I’ve done every drug in the book, so I’m going to be able to tell what you’re on!”

Daniel Radcliffe hopes to shed any resemblance to Harry Potter when he opens this month in a London revival of “Equus.” He’s also shedding something else–his clothes. “Equus” requires a 10-minute nude scene, and parents of “Potter” fans are outraged. But that’s probably what Radcliffe, 17, wanted. “Nudity is often involved so the child actor can say, ‘Look at my junk. I’m not a kid anymore!’” says Katt Shea, who disrobed Drew Barrymore (at 17) in “Poison Ivy.” Radcliffe certainly got people’s attention. His risqué publicity photos practically overshadowed the really big “Harry Potter” news–that the final book, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” will come out on July 21. The question is, will Radcliffe’s nude scene backfire and hurt his career? Producer Dafydd Rogers, who’s already considering taking the play to the United States, doesn’t think so. “Audiences will come out of the evening with a huge amount of respect,” he says. He’s referring to Radcliffe’s acting. We think. Ramin Setoodeh

Will Mary J. Blige take down the Dixie Chicks? Will Justin Timberlake smile if he loses to John Mayer? The Grammys are on Feb. 11. Test your memory of past shows. More questions at xtra.NEWSWEEK.com:

A. “Let’s Go Crazy”

B. “Purple Rain”

C. “Crazy in Love”

D. “If I Was Your Girlfriend”

ANSWER: D

title: “Newsmakers” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-06” author: “Ronald Jones”

Did you learn anything about Muslim culture? Well, my biological father is Muslim, so I know things. But I learned about the culture and everyday life. We went to Abu Dhabi, and it was a breath of fresh air as opposed to what you see on TV. It was beautiful to see the other side in a good light.

You ’ re a big movie star. Are you getting offered parts written for white actors? It’s good to have ethnic roles, and it’s great to hear them say you’re the guy who can handle this. It’s like eating pizza. You don’t say I’m eating Italian pizza. You just eat pizza. I just want to be pizza.

Would you like to direct someday? I would love to but I don’t think I have the temperament. I think I have ADD.

Do you take Ritalin? No, just trying to stay focused. Sometimes I keep people like my sister or manager around to hold me down.

Does your sister tell you off? Oh, yeah. She doesn’t even call me Jamie. She calls me Eric, my biological name. She said, “I’m not calling you Jamie, you gotta be kidding me.”

You ’ re known for your parties. What makes a good host? A good host lets his hair down, someone who says it’s OK to have a good time.

I heard a rumor that I really want to be true: nude basketball parties. Someone at my house, when I wasn’t there, pulled some kind of stunt and the backdrop to my basketball court had been torn down, so the neighbors saw right through. I had to get some gift baskets.

Were they big gift baskets? Oh, yeah. I’ve since moved from that house and believe me, the neighbors were really glad. You look around at some of the people I’ve lived around, they’re in the twilight years and all of a sudden I move in next day and they go, what the hell happened?